As of Tuesday the 15th my wife has gotten very very needy, everything from can your bring me a brush (downstairs) to lets go BBQ as a family. My wife knew about Diablo 3 since I spent the last month trying desperately to get the collectors edition. Anyways Tuesday servers were taking dumps all day so the times I had to actually play she would always need or want to do or go somewhere. Unluckily her school got canceled 2 days in a row Tues/ Wed and those were the only 2 days I took off work to play. So I stayed up til 4:30am Tuesday night playing and the next morning I got a tongue lashing about how she waited up for me til 3am and how she couldn't sleep without me being next to her. I told her BS because every night we watch movies downstairs she crashes mid movie on the couch, mind your my PC is in the bedroom pretty much next to the bed. I think I know why she hates D3 tho it reminds her of my raiding WoW days and how much time I'd spend on the PC, but as I told her I only took the 2 days off to cram D3 all day for 48 hours. Our anniversary is this weekend which I have off and she knew that she'd have me for 2 days but still ruined my request off days for release. Yesterday she made me go to storage to get an old dresser for our bedroom out and man did that take up about a 1/4 of my day just getting all that old stuff in and out of the storage then cleaning the room just to make room, oh and we shampooed the carpet Tuesday night ><
Since no one else is jumping forward, I'll throw out my two cents in the hopes of starting a dialoge. This is from a guy who has never been married, so take it with a grain of salt though.
Obviously I know nothing about your situation except what you've said here, but it sounds like your relationship is way too much of a power struggle. If she couldn't give you two days of space to let you enjoy a game you've been waiting on for 10 years, that's troubling to me, assuming you discussed it with her in advance. However, it's also troubling that you apparently spent so much time raiding in WoW that she's worried you'll neglect her going forward.
This whole thing sounds like it's about her comfort levels and fear that you'll disappear into the game and not spend time with her. It can be hard for guys to talk about our feelings, but I think that'd be the best course of action here. I wouldn't talk about what she's done so much as about how you felt when she did it and why. Encourage her to tell you how she feels as well, and try to put yourself in her place. Then, once you both understand where the other person is coming from, it might be easier to work on a compromise that can make both of you happy.
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...and if you disagree with me, you're probably <insert random ad hominem attack here>.
She actually dropped of lunch for me today at work and I told her exactly how I felt and she admitted to being a little too needy these past couple of days. We've been together 12 years and married 4 years this coming weekend, we also have a beautiful daughter. Things between us are great its just I found it funny how she reacted once she saw how into D3 I really was. Mind you she didn't mind be playing my PS3 for a couple hours a day its just something about computer games that she knows I could literally go 24 hours in front of a computer IF I wanted to, whereas PS3 after 2 hours I'm bored with whatever I'm playing then watch a movie.
But all in all we're good I wasn't really lookin for advice although I appreciate the advice I was just curious as to how everyone else spent the last 2 days. I remember there being a thread about married gamers and their significant other, but I have a feeling those people from that topic are either working at school or playing as I type =)
Oh and I haven't raided in WoW since Ulduar many years back =) after I heard of the expansion announcement I pretty much gave up chasing gear I prefer the Diabloverse much much more. Casual if you want it to be and that's what I told her. I have no guild / clan commitment and I can play at my own pace without really missing out on anything.
Obviously I know nothing about your situation except what you've said here, but it sounds like your relationship is way too much of a power struggle. If she couldn't give you two days of space to let you enjoy a game you've been waiting on for 10 years, that's troubling to me, assuming you discussed it with her in advance. However, it's also troubling that you apparently spent so much time raiding in WoW that she's worried you'll neglect her going forward.
Eh, I wouldn't scrutinise the relationship too much, it's simply the nature of women.
They're much more forward-thinking than we are, and their fears about stability (by their nature) are amplified, particularly when they are feeling neglected or relegated. So, whilst we may say, 'it's just a couple of days', all they are looking at is the weeks and months potentially of being ignored for hours on end and vying for our attention with a game.
It boils down to basic human nature. I've never seen my girlfriend so eager to join my boxing class as she was 20 minutes before D3's release. She certainly didn't protest when I said I was unavailable for the remainder of the night, but I knew I couldn't switch off completely -- we both went to boxing, sweated it up, then I dropped her off and went on my merry way to install D3.
Your wife's insecurities are more than likely heightened by how desperate you were to secure a copy. When was the last time you went to such lengths for her? (that's a rhetorical question obviously, I know nothing of your situation).
My advice would be to take a step back from that screaming mini-Diablo inside of you urging you to play every hour. Shake off that feeling of annoyance you have currently towards your wife. Look at how Diablo has suddenly shifted your ordinary routine and attention over the past few weeks and potentially how it will do so over the next few weeks...and try to imagine it was you who was the subject of that attention shift (away from you).
Maybe then you'll realise that a little give and take is warranted. Even if it's just a small thing like buying flowers or preparing dinner (or in my case, taking part in gym together instead of on my own), it'll help you immensely the next time you want to stay up late.
Edit: Seeing as how you've said you're not looking for advice, take the above with a grain of salt Clearly though, your experiences will be mirrored by pretty much every couple out there (barring the dual-gamer couples) where Diablo III is concerned.
She actually dropped of lunch for me today at work and I told her exactly how I felt and she admitted to being a little too needy these past couple of days. We've been together 12 years and married 4 years this coming weekend, we also have a beautiful daughter. Things between us are great its just I found it funny how she reacted once she saw how into D3 I really was. Mind you she didn't mind be playing my PS3 for a couple hours a day its just something about computer games that she knows I could literally go 24 hours in front of a computer IF I wanted to, whereas PS3 after 2 hours I'm bored with whatever I'm playing then watch a movie.
But all in all we're good I wasn't really lookin for advice although I appreciate the advice I was just curious as to how everyone else spent the last 2 days. I remember there being a thread about married gamers and their significant other, but I have a feeling those people from that topic are either working at school or playing as I type =)
Eh, I wouldn't scrutinise the relationship too much, it's simply the nature of women.
I'm glad to hear things are going well. The OP just struck me as pretty frustrated and potentially pretty angry, so I didn't want the thread to die with no responses.
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...and if you disagree with me, you're probably <insert random ad hominem attack here>.
I'm not married but I've been with my girlfriend for 5 years and we live together, so almost the same thing. She's been great about it,she's been going out of her way to make me good meals (which she never does), likely because I bought a bunch of junk food for the release. She's also pretty much left me alone, mind you I have my own office, so I'm not in our bedroom sharing the same space with her. I took 4 days off for Diablo 3, and so far she's been good. Last night I took a couple hour break to watch some of our shows together, just because I didn't want to totally neglect her considering how well she's been taking my devotion to D3.
I'd have to agree with Windburn about the give and take. My girlfriend has been really supportive about my Diablo habits, but I've also been trying to avoid any feelings of neglect.
Since I've been off work for D3, I spend an hour or two fixing up the house before settling into a session. When my partner comes home, we have a talk and a cuddle, and I make dinner while she sits nearby at the dining table and checks her forums. After that, we settle back into bed and I start my session back up.
Maintaining a happy relationship and hardcore gaming don't really mix, and I think if I were to abandon my whole day for Diablo, I would start to feel some real tensions developing. However, I still get about 5 to 10 hours a day of playtime (depending on how relentlessly I play in the day/ how late I stay up) and that feels like enough for me. I won't be rushing to Inferno any time soon, but that's not a priority for me.
So basically, I'd say it's going well... but it takes work.
Nice to hear everyone's different experiences, and tanis0 I wasn't angry when posting just trying to type so much info without it being TOO much of a big wall of text. Since release we still have family dinner with no television as I was raised, and we have a nice family conversation. I also do my part in the cooking as well =) good to see fellow gamers who take care of their women as much as they to us.
As someone said its in their nature and I'll admit that during WoW it was like a 2nd job just to raid which was the core reason I quit.
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/end rant
Obviously I know nothing about your situation except what you've said here, but it sounds like your relationship is way too much of a power struggle. If she couldn't give you two days of space to let you enjoy a game you've been waiting on for 10 years, that's troubling to me, assuming you discussed it with her in advance. However, it's also troubling that you apparently spent so much time raiding in WoW that she's worried you'll neglect her going forward.
This whole thing sounds like it's about her comfort levels and fear that you'll disappear into the game and not spend time with her. It can be hard for guys to talk about our feelings, but I think that'd be the best course of action here. I wouldn't talk about what she's done so much as about how you felt when she did it and why. Encourage her to tell you how she feels as well, and try to put yourself in her place. Then, once you both understand where the other person is coming from, it might be easier to work on a compromise that can make both of you happy.
But all in all we're good I wasn't really lookin for advice although I appreciate the advice I was just curious as to how everyone else spent the last 2 days. I remember there being a thread about married gamers and their significant other, but I have a feeling those people from that topic are either working at school or playing as I type =)
Eh, I wouldn't scrutinise the relationship too much, it's simply the nature of women.
They're much more forward-thinking than we are, and their fears about stability (by their nature) are amplified, particularly when they are feeling neglected or relegated. So, whilst we may say, 'it's just a couple of days', all they are looking at is the weeks and months potentially of being ignored for hours on end and vying for our attention with a game.
It boils down to basic human nature. I've never seen my girlfriend so eager to join my boxing class as she was 20 minutes before D3's release. She certainly didn't protest when I said I was unavailable for the remainder of the night, but I knew I couldn't switch off completely -- we both went to boxing, sweated it up, then I dropped her off and went on my merry way to install D3.
Your wife's insecurities are more than likely heightened by how desperate you were to secure a copy. When was the last time you went to such lengths for her? (that's a rhetorical question obviously, I know nothing of your situation).
My advice would be to take a step back from that screaming mini-Diablo inside of you urging you to play every hour. Shake off that feeling of annoyance you have currently towards your wife. Look at how Diablo has suddenly shifted your ordinary routine and attention over the past few weeks and potentially how it will do so over the next few weeks...and try to imagine it was you who was the subject of that attention shift (away from you).
Maybe then you'll realise that a little give and take is warranted. Even if it's just a small thing like buying flowers or preparing dinner (or in my case, taking part in gym together instead of on my own), it'll help you immensely the next time you want to stay up late.
Edit: Seeing as how you've said you're not looking for advice, take the above with a grain of salt Clearly though, your experiences will be mirrored by pretty much every couple out there (barring the dual-gamer couples) where Diablo III is concerned.
I feel your pain mate. I took the 16th off work for similar reasons plus we have a 2 year old, and I hardly got to play it at all.
I've just been playing from about 8pm-10pm every night, which she's used to and that will be about the extent of it.
I'm glad to hear things are going well. The OP just struck me as pretty frustrated and potentially pretty angry, so I didn't want the thread to die with no responses.
Since I've been off work for D3, I spend an hour or two fixing up the house before settling into a session. When my partner comes home, we have a talk and a cuddle, and I make dinner while she sits nearby at the dining table and checks her forums. After that, we settle back into bed and I start my session back up.
Maintaining a happy relationship and hardcore gaming don't really mix, and I think if I were to abandon my whole day for Diablo, I would start to feel some real tensions developing. However, I still get about 5 to 10 hours a day of playtime (depending on how relentlessly I play in the day/ how late I stay up) and that feels like enough for me. I won't be rushing to Inferno any time soon, but that's not a priority for me.
So basically, I'd say it's going well... but it takes work.
As someone said its in their nature and I'll admit that during WoW it was like a 2nd job just to raid which was the core reason I quit.