a duck walks into an apothecary and says "give me some chapstick, and put it on my bill"
(that's from world of warcraft, you'll laugh if you've done the /silly with a human:D )
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a black guy walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. the barkeep asks, "that's neat, where'd u get that?" the parrot replies, "africa, they got em running all over the place"
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what do you call an arab flying a commercial plane?
a pilot... you racist
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what do you call a black priest?
holy shit
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what's the difference between carloseus and a refrigerator?
refrigerators don't fart when you pull the meat out... ewww
Is the last one really a joke? :confused::confused:
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''May the Gods give you the strength and power to bear the madness which flows through our minds.''
''Zubin, I've always imagined you as a crazy raver. The kinda guy that spends all night dancing to trance music while waving glow sticks and popping ecstasy.'' - Murderface
i really liked the racist jokes. even tho theyre soo mean
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"You are like a rose in a great rose field. Each rose is so beautiful to me. But if one dies... I can still look at many other roses..." God of Darkness.
(I think this may have been posted before - if so here it is again.)
A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push. "Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3:00 in the morning!" He slams the door and returns to bed. "Who was that?" asked his wife. "Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers. "Did you help him?" she asks. "No, I did not, it is 3:00 in the morning and it is pouring rain out there!" "Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!" The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain. He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?" "Yes," comes back the answer. "Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband. "Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark. "Where are you?" asks the husband. "Over here on the swing," replied the drunk.
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Smiling is infectious.
Give, expecting nothing thereof. ------------ BoD - Come have some fun! Folks will always come and go, so enjoy them while they're meant to be in your life.
HAHAHAHAHA! Nice. xD. We need more dirty jokes though. I've read the whole archive of them.
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''May the Gods give you the strength and power to bear the madness which flows through our minds.''
''Zubin, I've always imagined you as a crazy raver. The kinda guy that spends all night dancing to trance music while waving glow sticks and popping ecstasy.'' - Murderface
''May the Gods give you the strength and power to bear the madness which flows through our minds.''
''Zubin, I've always imagined you as a crazy raver. The kinda guy that spends all night dancing to trance music while waving glow sticks and popping ecstasy.'' - Murderface
I rear-ended the car in front of me. I admit that. It was totally my fault.
So, we both pull over to the side of the road and I get out of my car. Slowly the driver of the car I hit gets out of his car.
That's when I saw the driver of the car I hit is a dwarf.
He is frowning and scowling and he storms over to me. Right up close at me he looks up in my face and says, "I AM NOT HAPPY!"
You know how you just-get-sooo-stressed ... and life ... sometimes life seems like ... suddenly hysterically funny?
I don't know what possessed me, officer, but I look down at him and I says, "Well... if you're not Happy -- which one are you?"
And that's when the fight started ....
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Smiling is infectious.
Give, expecting nothing thereof. ------------ BoD - Come have some fun! Folks will always come and go, so enjoy them while they're meant to be in your life.
''May the Gods give you the strength and power to bear the madness which flows through our minds.''
''Zubin, I've always imagined you as a crazy raver. The kinda guy that spends all night dancing to trance music while waving glow sticks and popping ecstasy.'' - Murderface
''May the Gods give you the strength and power to bear the madness which flows through our minds.''
''Zubin, I've always imagined you as a crazy raver. The kinda guy that spends all night dancing to trance music while waving glow sticks and popping ecstasy.'' - Murderface
3 men crash on a deserted island. They get captured by the natives and are taken to the chief who greets them happily with news.
"Your skins will be used to make a grand canoe for the tribe!" he announced to them jovially. The men are less than pleased. The chief sees this and decides to offer them a last chance at happiness.
"Before you die, I shall grant you one request each."
The first man asks for a knife and the natives are pleased to see that the man is going to bravely - though foolishly - try to best them all in combat. Instead he simply cuts his own throat and dies right there on the beach. The natives carry him off to be skinned by the canoe-maker.
The second man requests a gun and, again, the natives think he is going to try to escape. Instead, he simply shoots himself in the head and is carried off to be skinned aswell.
The third man requests a fork. The natives are confused but grant his request. He picks up the fork and holds it over himself proudly and starts wildly plunging it into his body, over and over, in various places. As he dies, full of holes, he screams at the natives...
"TO HELL WITH YOUR CANOE!"
LOL. Absolutely hilarious.
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It's the decisions you make when you have no time to make them that define who you are.
''May the Gods give you the strength and power to bear the madness which flows through our minds.''
''Zubin, I've always imagined you as a crazy raver. The kinda guy that spends all night dancing to trance music while waving glow sticks and popping ecstasy.'' - Murderface
some1 need to post GOOD blonde jokes (not the gay ass ones).
A blonde walks into an electrical appliance store and says to the salesman: "I want that TV." He responds by saying: "I don't sell anything to blondes."
The next day the blonde comes in with a wig and says: "I want that TV." The man responds the same way.
So the blonde gets every possible surgery to change her appearance and says: "I want that TV." The man responds the same way. Out of frustration, the blonde yells: "How did you know I was a blonde?!" The man says: "Because that's a microwave."
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It's the decisions you make when you have no time to make them that define who you are.
I've heard that before. Alpha, though it still gives me a smile. At the end.
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''May the Gods give you the strength and power to bear the madness which flows through our minds.''
''Zubin, I've always imagined you as a crazy raver. The kinda guy that spends all night dancing to trance music while waving glow sticks and popping ecstasy.'' - Murderface
I can't remember this joke word by word, but I thought it was awfully funny when I first read it:
A Scotish archaeologist had dug 10m into the ground one day and discovered some copper wire. So he came to the conclusion that 100 years ago, Scotland had telephones.
Upset by this new discovery, A British archaelogist digs 20m into the ground and discovers some copper wire as well. So he comes to the conclusion that 200 years ago, England had telephones.
So over in Newfoundland, a self-taught archaelogist digs 30m into the ground and finds absolutely nothing. So he announced that 300 years ago, Newfoundland had already gone wireless.
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One becomes strong when they are fighting to protect someone close to them... - Shiro Haku
I've read that many times in newspapers and magazines and now it doesn't give me a laugh.
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''May the Gods give you the strength and power to bear the madness which flows through our minds.''
''Zubin, I've always imagined you as a crazy raver. The kinda guy that spends all night dancing to trance music while waving glow sticks and popping ecstasy.'' - Murderface
''May the Gods give you the strength and power to bear the madness which flows through our minds.''
''Zubin, I've always imagined you as a crazy raver. The kinda guy that spends all night dancing to trance music while waving glow sticks and popping ecstasy.'' - Murderface
A man enters a clinic and asks the doctor through a closed door
Man: Hey doc, is my wife's artificial insemination done?
*The doc opens the door with messy hair*
Doc: oh shit!!! , was it artificial?
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Is the last one really a joke? :confused::confused:
''Zubin, I've always imagined you as a crazy raver. The kinda guy that spends all night dancing to trance music while waving glow sticks and popping ecstasy.'' - Murderface
A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push. "Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3:00 in the morning!" He slams the door and returns to bed.
"Who was that?" asked his wife.
"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.
"Did you help him?" she asks.
"No, I did not, it is 3:00 in the morning and it is pouring rain out there!"
"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!"
The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain.
He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"
"Yes," comes back the answer.
"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband. "Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.
"Where are you?" asks the husband.
"Over here on the swing," replied the drunk.
Folks will always come and go, so enjoy them while they're meant to be in your life.
''Zubin, I've always imagined you as a crazy raver. The kinda guy that spends all night dancing to trance music while waving glow sticks and popping ecstasy.'' - Murderface
*looks around for blacks*
the best black joke ever
how many polish people does it takes to clean a bathroom
NONE ITS A NIGGERS JOB!
its not supposed to be a nice game
autostats are rediclous
lack of pots is not welcome
if it aint broke dont fix it! (diablo2)
''Zubin, I've always imagined you as a crazy raver. The kinda guy that spends all night dancing to trance music while waving glow sticks and popping ecstasy.'' - Murderface
Officer, this is how the fight started ...
I rear-ended the car in front of me. I admit that. It was totally my fault.
So, we both pull over to the side of the road and I get out of my car. Slowly the driver of the car I hit gets out of his car.
That's when I saw the driver of the car I hit is a dwarf.
He is frowning and scowling and he storms over to me. Right up close at me he looks up in my face and says, "I AM NOT HAPPY!"
You know how you just-get-sooo-stressed ... and life ... sometimes life seems like ... suddenly hysterically funny?
I don't know what possessed me, officer, but I look down at him and I says, "Well... if you're not Happy -- which one are you?"
And that's when the fight started ....
Folks will always come and go, so enjoy them while they're meant to be in your life.
http://www.track-your-partner.com/
Click on this link. This is amazing! Just type in someone’s cellular phone number and watch the satellite locate them…
It isn't PG-13, so kiddies stay away.
''Zubin, I've always imagined you as a crazy raver. The kinda guy that spends all night dancing to trance music while waving glow sticks and popping ecstasy.'' - Murderface
''Zubin, I've always imagined you as a crazy raver. The kinda guy that spends all night dancing to trance music while waving glow sticks and popping ecstasy.'' - Murderface
LOL. Absolutely hilarious.
It's the decisions you make when you have no time to make them that define who you are.
''Zubin, I've always imagined you as a crazy raver. The kinda guy that spends all night dancing to trance music while waving glow sticks and popping ecstasy.'' - Murderface
A blonde walks into an electrical appliance store and says to the salesman: "I want that TV." He responds by saying: "I don't sell anything to blondes."
The next day the blonde comes in with a wig and says: "I want that TV." The man responds the same way.
So the blonde gets every possible surgery to change her appearance and says: "I want that TV." The man responds the same way. Out of frustration, the blonde yells: "How did you know I was a blonde?!" The man says: "Because that's a microwave."
It's the decisions you make when you have no time to make them that define who you are.
''Zubin, I've always imagined you as a crazy raver. The kinda guy that spends all night dancing to trance music while waving glow sticks and popping ecstasy.'' - Murderface
A Scotish archaeologist had dug 10m into the ground one day and discovered some copper wire. So he came to the conclusion that 100 years ago, Scotland had telephones.
Upset by this new discovery, A British archaelogist digs 20m into the ground and discovers some copper wire as well. So he comes to the conclusion that 200 years ago, England had telephones.
So over in Newfoundland, a self-taught archaelogist digs 30m into the ground and finds absolutely nothing. So he announced that 300 years ago, Newfoundland had already gone wireless.
One becomes strong when they are fighting to protect someone close to them... - Shiro Haku
It's the decisions you make when you have no time to make them that define who you are.
''Zubin, I've always imagined you as a crazy raver. The kinda guy that spends all night dancing to trance music while waving glow sticks and popping ecstasy.'' - Murderface
Soldier: Which one?
''Zubin, I've always imagined you as a crazy raver. The kinda guy that spends all night dancing to trance music while waving glow sticks and popping ecstasy.'' - Murderface
Man: Hey doc, is my wife's artificial insemination done?
*The doc opens the door with messy hair*
Doc: oh shit!!! , was it artificial?