This story is not based on Diablo. It is based on a game that just became an idea, thanks to my cousin. I have written two short chapters. It will be under heavy rewriting, to extend the chapters and to edit them. I need to get the map of this "world" to continue this story, as I cannot describe it without locations. Please keep criticism low. And only post constructive criticism.
As the old man, Alexander, walked across his makeshift laboratory, his black cat screeched. Alexander took no notice. The cat was perched on a wooden chair. The laboratory had wooden floors that creaked whenever someone stepped on them. There was an oil lamp in a far corner, providing the little light that there was. The walls were paper-thin and would surely fall apart if a strong storm came. There were leaks everywhere in the ceiling. A rat scurried across the floor, and Alexander’s cat pounced on it. This was the main reason Alexander owned a cat, his laboratory was infested with mice, rats, and rodents. He strode over to a shelf, examined his lines of potions and a few weapons. He was looking for abyssus toxicum. It came from the poisonous snakes outside in the Spider Woods. His son would slay these serpents and monsters, and Alexander would create potions to cure diseases. He was the best alchemist in the area. Not that there were that many alchemists living here anyway. However, recently Alexander started to run an illegal sale. He made and sold poisons that would kill a man faster than any sword could. He encrusted these toxins into weapons or whatever the customer wanted it in. The smallest scratch from an arrow with these poisons would be enough to paralyze if not kill. There it was, the abyssus toxicum, sitting atop of an old book that Alexander had used for reference to potion making when he was young. He took a few drops of this poison and put it in a small iron box. He was being paid 7 silver pieces for this small amount of deadly liquid. It wasn’t strong, but it would do the job without a problem.
He was walking back to the main entrance when his arms failed him. The box dropped to the floor and clattered away. He could not breathe. His body denied his will. Then, the room played a trick on him, it turned upside down. Black dots began forming in his vision. He was poisoned by his own creation, how? He knew which poison it was, and he had the cure. The potion to stop this reaction was right in front of him on a desk. He reached for it. Then all he saw was black, and he fell. He did not stand up.
End of Chapter 1: Alexander’s Laboratory
Melitus gazed dully at the horizon. His long black hair was in front of his pale face, but he made no effort to move it out of his line of vision. His father had died. Melitus’ life had fallen apart. He and his father had worked as a team. If one of them were gone, the other could not work. Now Melitus had no income. He and his father ran a laboratory producing illegal poisons; they used to make potions that would cure. He could sell off whatever was left of these potions, but that would run out in a few weeks. He decided that he would sell what could quickly and leave.
In the next hour, a person who claimed to be a sorcerer wanted a potion named rabidus vigoratus. Melitus barely went into the laboratory when his father was alive, because there was no need. So he had to do some searching. He found it, and was amused to see it was “lunacy deriver.” It was a yellow potion. Melitus had no idea how many drops he should give or what kind of box he should put it in for best preservation. He just gave the whole potion to him for 2 silver coins. The person grinned ecstatically and Melitus guessed he had given him a bit much. Melitus sighed. His father would have probably received more gold from this transaction. Melitus knew what he had to do. He would go eastward towards Kudaar, and find work there. He packed some potions, bronze, silver, and gold coins, some weapons, and food. He stepped outside, looked at his “home”, and began walking. He didn’t look back. Not once.
End of Chapter 2: Cleaning Up
Melitus had to cross the Spider Woods to reach the eastern coast of this barbarian island. He would then go by boat to Kudaar. However, the Spider Woods were big. It was two days worth of horse travel. On foot it would take him two weeks or more. He didn’t have enough food for that long, plus the journey on boat. Melitus considered. He could take the chances and hunt on the way there. What if there were only inedible monsters? No, he could not take the chance. He wondered what he could do. Then it struck him. He could go to Gerhard and borrow a horse. Gerhard was a close friend of Melitus’ family, but Melitus had only met him a few times. Gerhard had gray hair, and he was only twenty eight. He was well built however, and he owned a farm. He had a child that was six years old, so he was obviously caring. Gerhard always seemed like a sympathetic fellow. It would be doubtless that Gerhard would lend him a horse for a week.
Melitus knocked on the heavy wooden door. At the same time a pigeon cooed. A few seconds later, the door opened and hit Melitus in the face. He fell backwards onto the bottom of the steps. Gerhard laughed. “Sorry, but it’s hilarious seeing you on the floor like that. Here, let me give you a hand.” Melitus grabbed it and Gerhard pulled him up with so much strength that Melitus almost fell forward. “What can I do for you?” Gerhard said loudly, with a huge grin on his face. “Come inside.” Melitus walked silently into the large house. When Melitus sat down, he blurted out: “My father is dead!” Gerhard’s grin immediately disappeared and asked: “How is that possible, when did it happen?” Melitus replied: “He was selling a potion to a customer when he died. No one knows how, not even the local medic.” Gerhard did not say anything for a while. He stood up, as if to do something when he sat back down. He seemed so unsure of himself, and then he asked: “Do you need anything?” Melitus looked at his feet. “Well actually, I do need a horse, and you have seven.” Gerhard said: “Well, I have eight now, one of ‘em gave birth, but these horses, I need them, I’m sorry, you can stay here for a few days, but a horse is out of the question.” Melitus cursed the man in his thoughts. Why the hell won’t this bastard give me a horse? He knows the situation I’m in! “Ok, I could use a room for a few days.”
Gerhard led him across the Main Hall, which had probably more then ten chandeliers. There were pictures all over the walls, and one of them showed an angel with two swords in hand, keeping a horde of demons away while a man ran to safety. They went upstairs on a spiral staircase and Gerhard’s son was running across a room on the right. “If you need to go to the bathroom, there’s one by the barn, and your room is right… here.” Gerhard stopped and was pointing at a room that had an oversized bed, two lamps, a bear-skin rug, and a duplicate of the same picture Melitus saw in the Main Hall. Melitus realized that Gerhard was a cheap man, all of the pictures downstairs were probably fake, and the golden chandeliers were probably fake too. Melitus said: “Thanks, I’ll leave in exactly three days.” “Make yourself at home… sorry about your father.” Gerhard said,looked around the room, and left.
Thank you. Referring to the humans or the potions?
I am writing this story off my mind. Therefor, I will think of a suitable title at the end, I have no idea what to call it. Your book sounds good too. (Based on the title).
Interesting intro. It definitely needs to be more fleshed out. I would include some additonal descriptions of the shop as well. It's well written for an early draft. The prose is very readable. Keep up the good work.
I am going to post a new chapter and an edited version of the first two in two days. Thanks for reading. And Siaynoq, I kept your comments in mind while editing.
Visucius, what is important is you continue to revise and also keep a separate draft just for pre-writing. That's when you write just to get all your ideas down on paper and don't worry too much about your logic or organization. Then later, you'll go back to your pre-written stuff and pick what is working best for your story, scratching out the rest.
As the old man, Alexander, walked across his makeshift laboratory, his black cat screeched. Alexander took no notice. The cat was perched on a wooden chair. The laboratory had wooden floors that creaked whenever someone stepped on them. There was an oil lamp in a far corner, providing the little light that there was. The walls were paper-thin and would surely fall apart if a strong storm came. There were leaks everywhere in the ceiling. A rat scurried across the floor, and Alexander’s cat pounced on it. This was the main reason Alexander owned a cat, his laboratory was infested with mice, rats, and rodents. He strode over to a shelf, examined his lines of potions and a few weapons. He was looking for abyssus toxicum. It came from the poisonous snakes outside in the Spider Woods. His son would slay these serpents and monsters, and Alexander would create potions to cure diseases. He was the best alchemist in the area. Not that there were that many alchemists living here anyway. However, recently Alexander started to run an illegal sale. He made and sold poisons that would kill a man faster than any sword could. He encrusted these toxins into weapons or whatever the customer wanted it in. The smallest scratch from an arrow with these poisons would be enough to paralyze if not kill. There it was, the abyssus toxicum, sitting atop of an old book that Alexander had used for reference to potion making when he was young. He took a few drops of this poison and put it in a small iron box. He was being paid 7 silver pieces for this small amount of deadly liquid. It wasn’t strong, but it would do the job without a problem.
He was walking back to the main entrance when his arms failed him. The box dropped to the floor and clattered away. He could not breathe. His body denied his will. Then, the room played a trick on him, it turned upside down. Black dots began forming in his vision. He was poisoned by his own creation, how? He knew which poison it was, and he had the cure. The potion to stop this reaction was right in front of him on a desk. He reached for it. Then all he saw was black, and he fell. He did not stand up.
End of Chapter 1: Alexander’s Laboratory
Melitus gazed dully at the horizon. His long black hair was in front of his pale face, but he made no effort to move it out of his line of vision. His father had died. Melitus’ life had fallen apart. He and his father had worked as a team. If one of them were gone, the other could not work. Now Melitus had no income. He and his father ran a laboratory producing illegal poisons; they used to make potions that would cure. He could sell off whatever was left of these potions, but that would run out in a few weeks. He decided that he would sell what could quickly and leave.
In the next hour, a person who claimed to be a sorcerer wanted a potion named rabidus vigoratus. Melitus barely went into the laboratory when his father was alive, because there was no need. So he had to do some searching. He found it, and was amused to see it was “lunacy deriver.” It was a yellow potion. Melitus had no idea how many drops he should give or what kind of box he should put it in for best preservation. He just gave the whole potion to him for 2 silver coins. The person grinned ecstatically and Melitus guessed he had given him a bit much. Melitus sighed. His father would have probably received more gold from this transaction. Melitus knew what he had to do. He would go eastward towards Kudaar, and find work there. He packed some potions, bronze, silver, and gold coins, some weapons, and food. He stepped outside, looked at his “home”, and began walking. He didn’t look back. Not once.
End of Chapter 2: Cleaning Up
Melitus had to cross the Spider Woods to reach the eastern coast of this barbarian island. He would then go by boat to Kudaar. However, the Spider Woods were big. It was two days worth of horse travel. On foot it would take him two weeks or more. He didn’t have enough food for that long, plus the journey on boat. Melitus considered. He could take the chances and hunt on the way there. What if there were only inedible monsters? No, he could not take the chance. He wondered what he could do. Then it struck him. He could go to Gerhard and borrow a horse. Gerhard was a close friend of Melitus’ family, but Melitus had only met him a few times. Gerhard had gray hair, and he was only twenty eight. He was well built however, and he owned a farm. He had a child that was six years old, so he was obviously caring. Gerhard always seemed like a sympathetic fellow. It would be doubtless that Gerhard would lend him a horse for a week.
Melitus knocked on the heavy wooden door. At the same time a pigeon cooed. A few seconds later, the door opened and hit Melitus in the face. He fell backwards onto the bottom of the steps. Gerhard laughed. “Sorry, but it’s hilarious seeing you on the floor like that. Here, let me give you a hand.” Melitus grabbed it and Gerhard pulled him up with so much strength that Melitus almost fell forward. “What can I do for you?” Gerhard said loudly, with a huge grin on his face. “Come inside.” Melitus walked silently into the large house. When Melitus sat down, he blurted out: “My father is dead!” Gerhard’s grin immediately disappeared and asked: “How is that possible, when did it happen?” Melitus replied: “He was selling a potion to a customer when he died. No one knows how, not even the local medic.” Gerhard did not say anything for a while. He stood up, as if to do something when he sat back down. He seemed so unsure of himself, and then he asked: “Do you need anything?” Melitus looked at his feet. “Well actually, I do need a horse, and you have seven.” Gerhard said: “Well, I have eight now, one of ‘em gave birth, but these horses, I need them, I’m sorry, you can stay here for a few days, but a horse is out of the question.” Melitus cursed the man in his thoughts. Why the hell won’t this bastard give me a horse? He knows the situation I’m in! “Ok, I could use a room for a few days.”
Gerhard led him across the Main Hall, which had probably more then ten chandeliers. There were pictures all over the walls, and one of them showed an angel with two swords in hand, keeping a horde of demons away while a man ran to safety. They went upstairs on a spiral staircase and Gerhard’s son was running across a room on the right. “If you need to go to the bathroom, there’s one by the barn, and your room is right… here.” Gerhard stopped and was pointing at a room that had an oversized bed, two lamps, a bear-skin rug, and a duplicate of the same picture Melitus saw in the Main Hall. Melitus realized that Gerhard was a cheap man, all of the pictures downstairs were probably fake, and the golden chandeliers were probably fake too. Melitus said: “Thanks, I’ll leave in exactly three days.” “Make yourself at home… sorry about your father.” Gerhard said,looked around the room, and left.
End of Chapter 3: Gerhard
I am writing this story off my mind. Therefor, I will think of a suitable title at the end, I have no idea what to call it. Your book sounds good too. (Based on the title).
Take a look.
Siaynoq's Playthroughs
*goes blind*
Like a cat, tied to a stick
Siaynoq's Playthroughs
Like a cat, tied to a stick
Siaynoq's Playthroughs
Like a cat, tied to a stick
Good work though keep it goin.
Like a cat, tied to a stick
Siaynoq's Playthroughs
Note: Chapter 1 & 2 still may be edited.
Please tell me what you think, thanks!