[Magistrate]

The DiabloFans Writing Guild was formed to promote and cultivate fictional writing here in the Fan Fiction forum and the Non-Diablo Fan Fiction subforum, critiqued and rated by a panel of eager critics.

• This OP will be updated with links to and short synopses of the writings of the month.
• Critics are members of the DiabloFans Writing Guild (hereafter referred to as DFWG) who offer reviews, critiques, and ratings for monthly pieces (for membership as a critic just PM me; I'll add you to the list).
• Ratings are based on a fifty-point scale, ten each for style, originality in subject matter, overall story, character viability, and clarity of writing.
• Ratings and critques will both be posted in the thread of the work. [NEW: April 18, 2010]

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FanFic's for the Months of March and April, 2010

• The Mercenary, Chapter I: Part III - ScyberDragon
• The Vizjerei Reject, Chapter I - shibblicious
• Dfans the movie- the Journey Begins, Episodes 1 - 9 - Nekrodrac
• Cinderella!!?! - Lt. Venom
• Choose Your Own Adventure, Part I - ScyberDragon
• Choose Your Own Adventure, Part II - ScyberDragon
• Fairy Tales Revisited - Nekrodrac
• A Midday's Dream: The Dusk Labyrinth - Magistrate
• The Veiling, Chapter IV - Magistrate
• The Balance - MindReaver (old, but it never really got reviewed)
• My Last Fall, Chapter I - DieHardDiabloFan

Spoiler

FanFic's for the Month of February, 2010

• A Lesson in Life and Death by shibblicious (Average Rating: 76% | Critiques: 1) Synopsis (by shibblicious):

  Quote

  ~none~
• Choose Your Own Adventure by EVERYONE! (Average Rating: N/A | Critiques: N/A) Synopsis (by leader):

  Quote

  Choose your own adventure is just that, you get to choose your own adventure. The story has been running Sept. 05, 2009 and is still going strong. Every update to the story ends with a decision, that you the reader, get to make. This decision will completely change what happens next time the story is updated. The story began with our main character William, a young boy, bravely opening the door and saving his Mother's life. His town was in ruins and a Barbarian (Kaelan) saved William and his mother. William soon returned the favor and saved the life of an Assassin named Sara. The four traveled to Kaelan's home of Mt.Arreat. Here, they left William's Mother and continued their journey to find the source of Evil. They have run in to some other people only to have them unfortunately killed. Upon reaching Caldeum, they met up with a Sorcerer who goes by the name of Gaheed. Joining the group, they made their way to the Kurast docks. Here, they got a mission from the famous Assassin Natalya, to retrieve a ring. While fighting a giant spider, the readers decided to have William put on the ring they found. The ring magically turned William into an adult instantly. Not knowing what happened, the group decided to travel to Ureh to find Natalya and get answers. Along the way, through the jungles, they have met up with a crazy Witch Doctor named Kifu. They continued their journey until they saw a mysterious glowing ball. After tracking it down the ball has begun emitting a strange fog out of it. This is where the story has lead up to. If this sounds interesting and you would like to be a part of this heroic tale, stop in and vote for the next series of events.
• C.u.s.p. (chapters one and two) by IllBeTheJudgeofThings (Average Rating: N/A | Critiques: N/A) Synopsis (by IllBeTheJudgeofThings):

  Quote

  C.U.S.P., a classic mind-bending thriller, set in the Starcraft universe on a remote and seemingly barren planet, follows the last recorded moments of the Wayfarer, its crew, and the mysterious events surrounding the vessel.
• Dfans the movie- the Journey Begins. by Nekrodrac (Average Rating: 82% | Critiques: 1) Synopsis (by Nekrodrac):

  Quote

  You want action? We give you action. You want sex tips? We give you sex tips. You want romance? Go watch Titanic dammit. Follow the adventures of familiar characters through perilous quests in the first writings to ever be rendered in 3D. Yes 3D! This multibillion(yes Billion) dollar project will sweep you off your feet into madness and unveil all the mysteries behind the word sex.
• Monk E-Mayhem by ScyberDragon (Average Rating: N/A | Critiques: N/A) Synopsis ():

  Quote

  ~none~
• The Mercenary (includes chapter one) by ScyberDragon (Average Rating: n/a | Critiques: n/a) Synopsis (by ScyberDragon):

  Quote

  ~none~
• The Veiling: Chapters II and III (includes chapter one) by Seth (Average Rating: 93% | Critiques: 2) Synopsis (by author):

  Quote

  "They say far east of the Marshland coasts of lies a forgotten continent, steeped in intrigue and mystery. Miscarcarand, it was called, when Sanctuary was yet young. They say it came from a world even older than ours. They say the Nephalem never knew of it. They say a lot of things, and then they disappear. Far from the ravages of the Mage Wars, isolated from the morality of mankind, magick was practiced there: very old, very powerful magick, the kind forsaken by the Mage Clans long ago." ~Excerpt

Spoiler

FanFic's for the Month of January, 2010

• Choose Your Own Adventure by EVERYONE! (Average Rating: N/A | Critiques: N/A) Synopsis (by leader):

  Quote

  Choose your own adventure is just that, you get to choose your own adventure. The story has been running Sept. 05, 2009 and is still going strong. Every update to the story ends with a decision, that you the reader, get to make. This decision will completely change what happens next time the story is updated. The story began with our main character William, a young boy, bravely opening the door and saving his Mother's life. His town was in ruins and a Barbarian (Kaelan) saved William and his mother. William soon returned the favor and saved the life of an Assassin named Sara. The four traveled to Kaelan's home of Mt.Arreat. Here, they left William's Mother and continued their journey to find the source of Evil. They have run in to some other people only to have them unfortunately killed. Upon reaching Caldeum, they met up with a Sorcerer who goes by the name of Gaheed. Joining the group, they made their way to the Kurast docks. Here, they got a mission from the famous Assassin Natalya, to retrieve a ring. While fighting a giant spider, the readers decided to have William put on the ring they found. The ring magically turned William into an adult instantly. Not knowing what happened, the group decided to travel to Ureh to find Natalya and get answers. Along the way, through the jungles, they have met up with a crazy Witch Doctor named Kifu. They continued their journey until they saw a mysterious glowing ball. After tracking it down the ball has begun emitting a strange fog out of it. This is where the story has lead up to. If this sounds interesting and you would like to be a part of this heroic tale, stop in and vote for the next series of events.
• False Prophecy by Daemaro (Average Rating: 78% | Critiques: 1)
• Jonothan / Heroes of Despair by Guasti (Average Rating: 68% | Critiques: 1) Synopsis (by author):

  Quote

  Heroes of despair (Formerly known as Jonathan): Jonathan, doral , Chey and Heyton. they all are unique persons. Jonathan and Doral: They were a small shop in the forgotten place Kyara. they wish they had never done certain things in the past as , it will hunt them down. it surely happens and when their old friend Drefan arrives it all goes bad. Chey and Heyton: Chey lost track of the party soon after the accident. he searched for treasure to survive,but when he founds Heyton he found something he wasn't looking for a dark secret. Drefan: lost and insane he travels across world to find justice, he hunt everyone down as he can.
• Redemption of the Vizjerei by Kickin_It (Average Rating: 84% | Critiques: 1)
• The Veiling: Chapter I by Seth (Average Rating: N/A | Critiques: N/A) Synopsis (by author):

  Quote

  "They say far east of the Marshland coasts of lies a forgotten continent, steeped in intrigue and mystery. Miscarcarand, it was called, when Sanctuary was yet young. They say it came from a world even older than ours. They say the Nephalem never knew of it. They say a lot of things, and then they disappear. Far from the ravages of the Mage Wars, isolated from the morality of mankind, magick was practiced there: very old, very powerful magick, the kind forsaken by the Mage Clans long ago." ~Excerpt
• The Visitor, part 1 by Nektu (Average Rating: 77% | Critiques: 2) Synopsis (by author):

  Quote

  (Part II) What has happened to the rookie cop who was on the scene first? How has it effected his life and the lives of those around him? We'll find out in the coming days. (Coming) The next installment of The Visitor, we will meet the rookie cop who arrived at the scene of the grizzly murder suicide of Wesley Green. We will get a brief look into his life after wards. How did it effect him? We'll just have to wait and see.
• Walter by Seth (Average Rating: N/A | Critiques: N/A) Synopsis (by author):

  Quote

  Walter meanders the cityscape in despair, remembering his atrocious deed and reliving its details. Minimalistic writing with stress on personal interpretation lead to his final confrontation with his eternal love.

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Critic Panel

Nektu (1 Critique | 1 Rating)

ScyberDragon (6 Critiques | 6 Ratings)

Magistrate (3 Critiques | 3 Ratings)

Kickin_It (0 Critiques | 0 Ratings)

shibblicious (0 Critiques | 0 Ratings)

[Guasti]

great splendid ^^ :) ill be sure to write again! ill finish Jonathan and venture on into a more diablo based story :)

[InterrogatorChaplain]

Lol, i havent been on this account (but ive lurked the site you see) for a long time. i guess ill try to write up some stuff.

[Magistrate]

Good to hear on all accounts :D Can't wait to see some of your work.

OP updated (shameless bump).

[ScyberDragon]

The Visitor, part 1 by Nektu

Style - 8/10
I really liked that the story starts off in the middle of the action. You feel just as lost as the main character (Wesley Green). From the beginning, you feel like something is going on but you are unsure exactly what that is. While I liked the disorienting feeling, I did find myself scratching my head trying to get a handle of the situation.

Originality - 8/10
Wesley is thrown into a familiar situation of murder, lies, and confusion but it is handled in a unique way. The events are given to you like puzzle pieces rather than a straight story.

Overall Story - 8/10
Long story short, I want to read more. Part 1 has created a great intro for more story. Blood and throw up paint a gritty scene for this story and what is to come. I won't ruin the ending but it looks promising.

Character Viability - 7/10
I felt Wesley's character was very good and focused. For someone in such an awkward situation, I felt he handled it very realistically. However, I feel that the other characters were a but cliche and too one-dimensional. Granted, they were needed for the situation, I think they could have had a little more to them.

Clarity of Writing - 9/10
Nektu paints a vivid picture. Considering the situation is supposed to be confusing. There was one point where I got lost but after I reread the last paragraph, I quickly understood the situation.

Overall Score: 40/50

Personally, this story is not really my taste. I don't really like the over use of vulgarity and vomit. However, if this is your style, you will love this story and won't be able to wait for the next installment.

[Magistrate]

The Visitor, part 1 by Nektu

Style - 7/10
I appreciated your minimal effort to tell backstory without making it absorb your work. I also enjoyed starting right in with the action, Wesley's anger issues. There were, however, some issues: I don't think a "gentleman" would tell someone to go "jerk off", although his classiness was well portrayed when he went to the bar.

Originality - 9/10
As far as this board goes, your story was very original. I don't give perfect scores, though. It's not possible :D

Overall Story - 6/10
For abrupt elements of mystery, I am giving it a six.

Character Viability - 7/10
Like Scyber, I believe that Wesley was done well. He had obvious motives to act hysterically and curse and vomit- I probably would have under similar circumstances; however, the Visitor did not seem to be as consistent a character, where in the first part he was classy and suave, in the second part he started spouting all manner of obscenities, which contradicted the cool temperament I was led to believe he had (although this returns in the finale).

Clarity of Writing - 7/10
It was entertaining to read, but it is mottled-up in a lot of places with spelling errors, and some paragraphs could have used some more pronouns.

Overall Score: 37/50

[ScyberDragon]

Choose Your Own Adventure by EVERYONE! (Synopses)

Choose your own adventure is just that, you get to choose your own adventure. The story has been running Sept. 05, 2009 and is still going strong. Every update to the story ends with a decision, that you the reader, get to make. This decision will completely change what happens next time the story is updated.

The story began with our main character William, a young boy, bravely opening the door and saving his Mother's life. His town was in ruins and a Barbarian (Kaelan) saved William and his mother. William soon returned the favor and saved the life of an Assassin named Sara. The four traveled to Kaelan's home of Mt.Arreat. Here, they left William's Mother and continued their journey to find the source of Evil. They have run in to some other people only to have them unfortunately killed. Upon reaching Caldeum, they met up with a Sorcerer who goes by the name of Gaheed. Joining the group, they made their way to the Kurast docks. Here, they got a mission from the famous Assassin Natalya, to retrieve a ring. While fighting a giant spider, the readers decided to have William put on the ring they found. The ring magically turned William into an adult instantly. Not knowing what happened, the group decided to travel to Ureh to find Natalya and get answers. Along the way, through the jungles, they have met up with a crazy Witch Doctor named Kifu. They continued their journey until they saw a mysterious glowing ball. After tracking it down the ball has begun emitting a strange fog out of it.

This is where the story has lead up to. If this sounds interesting and you would like to be a part of this heroic tale, stop in and vote for the next series of events.

[ScyberDragon]

Heroes of Despair (Formerly Jonathon) by Guasti

Style - 8/10
I like the first person view. It really helps to make you feel like you are in the story. I also liked how there were parts dedicated specifically to some of the character's past.

Originality - 7/10
So far, the story itself is not too original. There are some interesting combinations of different lore added together which is cool.

Overall Story - 6/10
I thought the story was good. With the intro and the ending, I wan to read more. However, I feel the story goes to quickly through events. I would like for the story to slow down and focus more on one situation.

Character Viability - 8/10
Oddly, I feel least connected with Jonathon. I really liked Chey and Heytons' back stories. I felt that these two characters were unique and had their own style.

Clarity of Writing - 5/10
I am under the assumption that English is not your first language and given this you did very well. However, that does not change the fact that the story is very hard to read. I constantly had to go back and re-read sections to try to understand what was going on. I also feel the quick pace of the story is also contributing to the lack of clarity.

Overall Score: 34/50
I think the idea of the story is great. I think a lot of time could be spent refining both the events of the story and the writing itself. I do look forward to more of the story.

[Nektu]

The Visitor, part 2; secrets

Synopses:
What has happened to the rookie cop who was on the scene first? How has it effected his life and the lives of those around him? We'll find out in the coming days.

[Magistrate]

OP updates :P Sorry for the delay, guys. And a warm welcome to Kickin_It to DFWG!

[Magistrate]

Redemption of the Vizjerei by Kickin_It

Style: 9/10
I enjoyed your non-conformist usage of thoughts that you blended in to your paragraphs. While at times it made the reading ambiguous, it helped to blend narrative and character "speech" (in this case, mental speech).

Originality: 9/10
How could it not be original? I don't see any other FanFic's out there on the Wizards nor many that portray the mysticism of the Vizjerei so potently. It also blended a lot of other bits of lore from all over Sanctuary.

Overall Story: 8/10
It was entertaining to see the interaction of the old one and the Vizjerei, but some things I did not fully grasp, such as his decision to cooperate with the old man and go on a journey (this is typically decided at the first threshold of adventure). I liked how you incorporated a lot of existing landmarks in Kehjistan. The thing I believe you did very well was your ability to convey a sense of traveling- I can't do this very well, I'm an all-action or all-emotion guy.

Character Viability: 7/10
You have all of your bases covered so far, and I saw bits and pieces of true character float through the jetsam sometimes, but I didn't feel a real connection with either of the characters for most of the reading.

Clarity of Writing: 9/10
There were a few issues with capitalization, structure, and that kind of junk, but it was really minimal and I would be an idiot if I didn't give you a nine- much better than most people that post on this board on a daily basis.


Overall Score: 42/50
I expected a lot from you when I started reading it last night and I was not disappointed. Excellent job :hammy:

[Nektu]

False Prophecy by Daemaro

Style: 7/10
Reading this from a first person POV was something I really liked. But it felt as if I was reading a diary with the lack of dialogue.

Originality: 9/10
I don't remember reading anything like this before.

Over All Story: 7/10
Without the dialogue I almost feel like I'm being rushed through it.

Character Viability: 7/10
I feel like this character can be expanded upon. Not really knowing anything about him, I can't really connect with him.

Clarity of writing: 9/10
So far it flows wonderfully.

Overall: 39/50
I'm looking forward to reading more and finding out what is yet to happen. If you are into Diablo based Fiction, you'll like this one.

[Magistrate]

I'll update the OP with your stats in a bit.

[Magistrate]

A reminder that today is the last day of January- next month we'll be starting with a new list, so everyone get ready to create :D

[Magistrate]

OP updated for month of February- let's get some more creative stories!

[Nektu]

Brrraaiinn fffaaarrrttt! Work has been kicking my ass and making my brain hurt due to all of the stupid people I work with. But, I'm still working on something. Should have it up by Tuesday.

[Magistrate]

Okie dokie, can't wait to see :D

[Kickin_It]

Nektu said:

But, I'm still working on something.

Ditto...sort of. Feeling rather uninspired by it though...:confused:

[Magistrate]

Well, whenever you can finish something... I'll be here :D

Edit~

OP updated with Scyber's new non-Diablo Fan Fiction and some ratings.

This post has been edited by Magistrate: 08 February 2010 - 07:43 PM

[ScyberDragon]

A Lesson in Life and Death By:shibblicious

Style - 8/10
I liked the idea of doing it from somebody else's point of view rather than from the Dhampir's point of view. Writing as on of Abd-al Hazir's journal is a fun approach to the story.

Originality - 7/10
Obviously the style is taken from Diablo's website. Vampire's themselves are also not original. However, I loved the unique twist that the Dhampir's are fighting against their makers because of the death's of their mothers. This is a great idea to get an "evil" class on the side of good.

Overall Story - 7/10
I liked the situation that was given but it was much too short and didn't dive deep enough into the story of the Dhampirs. I would have like to have gotten some better and more flushed out history of the Dhampirs. Also, there is no real plot to the story other than to give a small back story to the Dhampirs as class.

Character Viability - 7/10
Abd-al Hazir's character does little but narrate the scene given. I don't feel any real connection to this character. Since Abd-al Hazir takes up the majority of the story, I felt no real connection to the Dhampir in the story. I would like to have felt some anguish and suffering from the Dhampir for the loss of his mother or more fear and feeling from Abd-al Hazir

Clarity of Writing - 9/10
The story is very clear and easy to follow. I never found myself having to re-read sections to gain more clarity. The story paints an obvious picture while leaving out unnecessary details to the story.


Overall Score: 38/50

Overall, it just needs more. It is a great beginning and a good story considering its use. I would like to get more on the Dhampirs and have them fully fleshed out as beings in Sanctuary.