Thank you for reading and reviewing! Chapter length is something I've been fighting with myself over, but after 2 comments about the 2nd chapter being too short I think I've gotten my answer. As for Adflict's entrance I found it to be very flashy and dramatic! And he DID have an entourage, it was a pretty small line in the first chapter, but I'll quote it real fast "As he spoke, all varieties of nightmarish demons started cascading forth from the crimson-lightning maelstrom, some so large they had to squat their bodies to fit through the giant portal."
Anywho, I've often thought about going back and adding more detail to the story cuz I really like the characters I've created... but my thinking is that it would take a long time to add in all the details I want (details like character descriptions of Jenna, Jennice, and Lerrick, their homestead, also descriptions of the monsters that followed Adflict out of the portal), and right now I'm just writing a quick story because it's fun. Maybe once the story is finished I'll go back and refine it, but for now it's all in good fun.
P.S. The story never actually said Jenna died
Ah, I must have overlooked the entourage in my haste to read the riveting chapter ;). No honestly, you've stumbled onto a good thing. I had to look long and hard for things that didn't quite go with me, and even then it was hard to find things I didn't agree with. Chapter length is always a good thing, as every chapter should always advance the storyline. Really though, keep it up!
I might have to write my own fan fic, it seems like fun.
Fan Fiction Title: Adflict, Lord of Torment
Part/Chapter: 1/2
Score:8/10
Review: I enjoyed reading the first two chapters of Adflict; however, I found them relatively short and slightly devoid of plot. For example, the second chapter is really bare bones, and doesn't really help advance the storyline much. Sure, the main character is introduced (rather vaguely, at that), but just as we begin to get a sense of the conflict that is escalating, we're cut off - forced to wait until the third chapter. I suggest going back and adding some more meat to it, describing the main character physically some more would help. Another gripe I had was with the description of Adflict, as I found him not that realistic. If you were a true Lord of Torment, you would have an entourage, yes? Make his entrance into the Sanctuary more flashy and dramatic. Jennice and Jenna's deaths lacked a lot of human qualities about them as well, such as screaming. A true Lord of Torment would live for the heart-wrenching screams, I believe.
Anyway, I hope you find this useful to your writing : D. Keep it up.
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Ah, I must have overlooked the entourage in my haste to read the riveting chapter ;). No honestly, you've stumbled onto a good thing. I had to look long and hard for things that didn't quite go with me, and even then it was hard to find things I didn't agree with. Chapter length is always a good thing, as every chapter should always advance the storyline. Really though, keep it up!
I might have to write my own fan fic, it seems like fun.
Part/Chapter: 1/2
Score:8/10
Review: I enjoyed reading the first two chapters of Adflict; however, I found them relatively short and slightly devoid of plot. For example, the second chapter is really bare bones, and doesn't really help advance the storyline much. Sure, the main character is introduced (rather vaguely, at that), but just as we begin to get a sense of the conflict that is escalating, we're cut off - forced to wait until the third chapter. I suggest going back and adding some more meat to it, describing the main character physically some more would help. Another gripe I had was with the description of Adflict, as I found him not that realistic. If you were a true Lord of Torment, you would have an entourage, yes? Make his entrance into the Sanctuary more flashy and dramatic. Jennice and Jenna's deaths lacked a lot of human qualities about them as well, such as screaming. A true Lord of Torment would live for the heart-wrenching screams, I believe.
Anyway, I hope you find this useful to your writing : D. Keep it up.