DiabloFans

Wow you guys really went all out on the ideas for these contests, and I'm loving it. xD They all have, not only a luck factor, but a little bit of effort needs to be involved to increase your chances for actually succeeding in them. You can't just go around throwing forum posts everywhere, they actually have to be productive and relative to the thread. Same with the Facebook/Twitter quiz, you don't only need to be lucky and be one of the first to see the post, but you need to have the knowledge to post the correct answer, and be willing to be extremely patient in order to be one of the first to see the post so that you don't fall behind everyone else. Thank you for all the beta keys, good luck to all, and hopefully we won't all have to wait too long for the game's release, then the beta won't even matter too much(:

I think everything about this update is pretty great, except for the removal of the Cauldron of Jordan and Nephalem Cube. I felt like it was so cool to be able to stay in battle for as long as you wanted, and not need to return to town whenever you got a full inventory. I wish they kept it, but oh well. I haven't played the beta so it's not too big of a deal to me, but the concept sounds glorious. I love the stat changes. Especially becoming a Demon Hunter, and getting +dodge. That will be great later on, especially if you want to be a more close ranged trap DH (which is what I'll be doing). Hopefully all these changes were for the better, but I guess we'll find out.

It all started when our over-heralded star, Binkles the Frog, woke up in a secret vineyard. It was the tenth time it had happened. Feeling excessively worried, Binkles the Frog slapped a dangerous oil-soaked rag, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). Duly ecstatic about the looming crises, he realized that his beloved potion was missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, Toxin the Witch Doctor. Binkles the Frog had known Toxin the Witch Doctor for (plus or minus) 1.2 billion years, the majority of which were enticing ones. Toxin the Witch Doctor was unique. He was ingenious though sometimes a little... stupid. Binkles the Frog called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Toxin the Witch Doctor picked up to a very nervous Binkles the Frog. Toxin the Witch Doctor calmly assured him that most 3-legged wallabies grimace before mating, yet long-haired sea monkeys usually scandalously grimace *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Binkles the Frog. Why was Toxin the Witch Doctor trying to distract Binkles the Frog? Because he had snuck out from Binkles the Frog's with the potion only eight days prior. It was a eccentric little potion... how could he resist?

It didn't take long before Binkles the Frog got back to the subject at hand: his potion. Toxin the Witch Doctor grimaced. Relunctantly, Toxin the Witch Doctor invited him over, assuring him they'd find the potion. Binkles the Frog grabbed his George Foreman grill and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Toxin the Witch Doctor realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the potion and he had to do it aimlessly. He figured that if Binkles the Frog took the best-in-its-so-called-'class' sedan, he had take at least ten minutes before Binkles the Frog would get there. But if he took the teleporter? Then Toxin the Witch Doctor would be excessively screwed.

Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Toxin the Witch Doctor was interrupted by six clueless spiders that were lured by his potion. Toxin the Witch Doctor belched; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling stunned, he aggressively reached for his wolverine and fearlessly slapped every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the secret vineyard, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the teleporter rolling up. It was Binkles the Frog.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Jim's House of Wings to pick up a 12-pack of dangerous oil-soaked rags, so he knew he was running late. With a quick leap, Binkles the Frog was out of the teleporter and went exotically jaunting toward Toxin the Witch Doctor's front door. Meanwhile inside, Toxin the Witch Doctor was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the potion into a box of gerbils and then slid the box behind his hippopotamus. Toxin the Witch Doctor was stunned but at least the potion was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Toxin the Witch Doctor explosively purred. With a heroic push, Binkles the Frog opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some insensitive spite-toting jerk in a deliciously practical 4-door,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Toxin the Witch Doctor assured him. Binkles the Frog took a seat not remotely close to where Toxin the Witch Doctor had hidden the potion. Toxin the Witch Doctor shuddered trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But Binkles the Frog was distracted. Before the all-seeing eyes of a perpetually displeased diety, Toxin the Witch Doctor noticed a funny-smelling look on Binkles the Frog's face. Binkles the Frog slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Toxin the Witch Doctor felt a stabbing pain in his double chin when Binkles the Frog asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the potion right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A abrasive look started to form on Binkles the Frog's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's potatos from when she used to have pet albino cats. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Binkles the Frog nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Toxin the Witch Doctor could react, Binkles the Frog thoughtfully lunged toward the box and opened it. The potion was plainly in view.

Binkles the Frog stared at Toxin the Witch Doctor for what what must've been four minutes. A few unfulfilled decades later, Toxin the Witch Doctor groped indiscriminately in Binkles the Frog's direction, clearly desperate. Binkles the Frog grabbed the potion and bolted for the door. It was locked. Toxin the Witch Doctor let out a eccentric chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Binkles the Frog,' he rebuked. Toxin the Witch Doctor always had been a little pestering, so Binkles the Frog knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Toxin the Witch Doctor did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at him or something. A few unsatisfying minutes later, he gripped his potion tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Toxin the Witch Doctor looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Binkles the Frog. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame seven days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for Binkles the Frog. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Toxin the Witch Doctor walked over to the window and looked down. Binkles the Frog was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Binkles the Frog was struggling to make his way through the haunted thicket behind Toxin the Witch Doctor's place. Binkles the Frog had severely hurt his double chin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral spiders suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the potion. One by one they latched on to Binkles the Frog. Already weakened from his injury, Binkles the Frog yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of spiders running off with his potion.

But then God came down with His plucky smile and restored Binkles the Frog's potion. Feeling relieved, God smote the spiders for their injustice. Then He got in His best-in-its-so-called-'class' sedan and zipped away with the fortitude of 1.2 billion 3-legged wallabies running from a teensy pack of man-eating capybaras. Binkles the Frog fell with joy when he saw this. His potion was safe. It was a good thing, too, because in eight minutes his favorite TV show, Lizzie McGuire, was going to come on (followed immediately by 'When man-eating capybaras meet pipe bomb'). Binkles the Frog was pleased. And so, everyone except Toxin the Witch Doctor and a few rusty razor blade-toting legless puppies lived blissfully happy, forever after.

Oh my jesus christ I don't care how much it costs the Collector's Edition will be mine..