Fairy Tales Revisted. (Actually that's what really happened!)

  • #1
    Hello there. It's me- Mr Narrator. While browsing through these forums, I realised the terrible and saddening situation that has befallen our fellow users. They seem to paddle in ignorance and have forgotten the perennial morals and values of our good old fairy tales. However, this need not continue.
    So, in my great generosity and compassion, I have decided to spare some of my time and infinite wisdom to tell you of the stories that have graced our childhood, and also reveal the shocking truths that your parents could not tell you due to the blissful innocence of your then unblemished minds.
    Our first story is the one of 'The wolf and the three pigs'. First reality check- there were never any pigs in that story. They were in fact ducks.Yes ducks. How this story was so deformed is not known but scholars having long studied this matter have surmised that the popularity of pork as a dish had led to writers of the time to using pigs for the characters, as they would have more familiarity and connection with the readers. So today we shall delve into what really happened and determine the moral of this epic tale.

    Once upon a time, there were 3 ducks named Nekro, Nacho and Shatterer (Shatt).
    Having come of age(which basically meant they could boil some noodles without setting the house on fire), they decided it was time to leave their parents' house and seek their own fortunes. As they set off on their journey, the 3 brothers discussed their plans.
    Shatt- "I would like a villa and a nice pond, you know. I heard the duck-babe Stormcat loves ponds. So maybe if I can get her in there..."
    Nekro- " Oh I would like a wooden house. I've always loved the smell of old wood. It really turns me...oh nevermind...."
    Nacho- "I would like a straw house. Because I'm lazy as a cow and it's easier this way."

    As the 3 brothers continued their journey, Shatt met an architect and a builder whom he hired on the spot and ordered the construction of his villa.
    Further on, Nekro met a bloke who sold wooden blocks and bought them and off he went, building his own house.
    And even further away, Nacho came across a pile of straw,...on which he lay down to rest.

    During the endeavors of our 3 companions, a wolf came into the neighborhood. His name was Jetrall, most notoriously known as Jet. A fat and greedy wolf he was and having heard the rumors of mature and delicious ducks carelessly prancing around in the area, he made his mind to feasting on them.

    While Jet prowled and growled, he came across Nacho who was lying on his pile of straw, hands tucked behind his head and staring up at the sky.
    Jet- "O-ho! What do we have here? A tasty, delicious duck it is, indeed!"
    Nacho jumped on his padded feet and was about to exclaim- "Pervert!" but the words stuck halfway through his throat as he realized the peril he was in.
    Batting is wings frantically, our duck managed to jump out of the lunging claws of Jet, and then he began to run...or waddle rather.

    Having missed his prey and landed on the sharp ends of a pitchfork hidden in the hay, Jet let out a howl of pain.
    Jet to himself- "Note to self- should shut the hell up when I am about to attack so as to make the surprise effect count."

    Nacho now waddling away as fast as he could was beginning to panic while he tried to remember where his brothers lived.

    Nacho- "Oh-crap-oh-crap-oh-crap-oh-crap... My phone ain't got GPS. I should have got that iphone. Now it's too late. Aaargh no. GPS won't be of any use anyway- I don't know where these guys live. Oh Duck-God, please help me! I promise to eat my cereals every morning and run a mile everyday. Please-please-plea..."

    And in his desperation and distress, he perceived a wooden house. Or rather what could have been a wooden house. There were 4 walls, one door.
    Just that.
    No ceiling or window.

    Nacho rushed up to the door and gave a knock with his feathery palm. The four walls just collapsed outwards and Nacho managed to jump out of the way in time to avoid getting crushed by the door.
    There on his bed, lay Nekro covered in sweat as he hastily drew the sheets over himself.

    Nekro- "What the he.. Hey it's you Nacho! Don't you know you should knock before coming into somebody's house!?!"
    Nacho, breathless, "I did knock! There is a wol...hey, what were you doing, anyway?"
    Nekro- "None of your business stupid little brother. Now close your eyes a sec."
    Nacho- "why?"
    Nekro- "Just do it, damnit!"
    While Nacho closed his eyes, Nekro hastily put his pants back on.
    Nekro- "So what are you on about...barging into people's places and destroying their homes?"
    Nacho- "Well there is a wol..."

    Nekro grabbed Nacho's wings and pulled him away just in time as Jet who had followed our duck-friend made his second predatory lunge of the day and...failed...again...

    The 2 ducks quickly wadddled away.

    Jet with his failed lunge landed on the bed into the sheets and his snout came into contact with some thick, viscous stuff. Spluttering in disgust, he backed away so fast that his feet became entangled in the sheets and he fell, knocking the back of his head against hard wood.

    Deeply enraged, he jumped back on his feet, cleaned his snout and eyes blazing, jumped after the ducks who had surprisingly put a decent amount of distance between them.

    Nekro- "Follow me quick Nacho, let's make our way to Shatt's place."
    Nacho- "You know where he lives?"
    Nekro- "Got a rough idea. I'll use the GPS on my blackberry."
    Nacho- "What the fu.. How come mum and dad bought you one and I got this stinking phone instead?"
    Nekro taking out his phone- "Oh crap! My battery's down!"
    Nacho- "How will we get there then?"
    Nekro- "No need of stupid phones, I also got a map with me."
    Heaving a sigh of relief, our 2 ducks quickly made their way to Shatt's place.

    But ducks they were. In ponds they might quack merrily but on land, they were noobs!
    Jet quickly caught up with them.
    Even waddling their fat asses as fast as they could, the ducks knew they were in trouble. Slightly behind Nekro, Nacho was in gravest danger.
    And then tragedy happened!!!
    Nacho tripped and fell and Jet lunged for the third time.
    Coincidence it may have been or fate or most probably fear it was that saved our good duck then.

    As Jet opened his jaws and was about to bite a big chunk out of Nacho's butt, our duck let out a fart.
    Now this was no ordinary fart. The very morning on this very day, Nacho had had a heavy breakfast of fish with sweet corn which followed some fried worms with eggs as appetizer.
    And the fart coming from this kind of dish is indeed a power to reckon with...as our poor wolf found out.
    The intensity of the unintended and timely (or untimely depending which side you are on) attack, temporarily blinded and choked Jet and he even lost consciousness for a short while.

    Seizing this unbelievable opportunity, the two brothers hurried away and finally reached Shatt's place.
    The villa was magnificent with a pond in front and a chimney sticking out of its roof.

    Nekro rung the bell at the doorstep and Shatt answered. The 2 ducks rushed in, panting and relieved.
    Shatt- "What's happened to you both?"
    And our breathless ducks responded-
    Nekro- "Wolf..."
    Nacho- "...chasing..."
    Nekro- "...us."
    Shatt quickly locked the door and...went to light the fire place.
    Nekro- " What are you doing?"
    Shatt- "Oh I am making us some tea, my brothers. Like mother always said- a good tea keeps you free."
    Nacho- "Free? Free of what?"
    Shatt- "Free of worries of course."

    While our 3 ducks sat down for tea, Jet reached the villa. By now the wolf was in a fury terrible to behold. He banged on the door but it did not yield.
    Jet to himself- "Oh wait. I shall blow down this house with my incredible breath!"
    Taking a deep inspiration, Jet blew...and blew hard.
    Nothing happened. He gave it a couple of tries but soon enough he was huffing and puffing from sheer exhaustion.
    He gave up- "Where the hell did that ridiculous idea of blowing down the door came from? Ah...whatever, let's look for another way."
    And then he saw it- the chimney! The weakpoint of the whole villa. Quickly fetching a ladder from the local carpenter, Jet proceeded to climb onto the roof. As he looked down the chimney he saw the fireplace was alight with flames with steam coming out of a whistling teapot.

    Jet- "Damn! Just my luck that these damn birds decide to have tea so early in the day."
    Sitting on the roof and pondering on what his next plan shall be, Jet began wondering whether these ducks were really worth it. He must have lost a couple of kilos at the very least in this frantic chase.
    Jet- "Maybe I'll just have some KFC or McDonalds today. But this fast food has made me quite fat... Damn ducks!"

    While he was checking his purse to see if he had brought enough money with him, the three brothers have started relaxing and were having a good laugh at the wolf's failed attempts.

    Jet finally realized he had not enough money alas and in his desperation and hunger, he went to knock at the villa's door to see if they could lend him some.
    Shatt opened the door.
    A couple of seconds ticked by, whereby the duck realized his mistake and the wolf realized his luck.
    The wolf lunged.

    What followed cannot be described into the nitty-gritty since this story is meant for a PG-13 rating approval.
    Suffice it to say that Jet got his fill and Stormcat had her date canceled.

    The moral of the story-
    Remember to look through the peephole before opening the door...especially if you have a wolf that wants to eat you...and you happen to be a duck.
    Or maybe it was...learn to fly if you are a duck...
    Or perhaps...do not drink tea in the morning...Am not sure...

    Anyway now that you have understood the moral of this tale, farewell my friends and may your lives be enriched by the wisdom that you have presently gained.
    Farewell...until our next tale.
  • #2
    I lol'd! That was awesome. All I can say about the story is....



    Poor Stormy.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    Avast ye! Scyberdragon be te thank for the sig, arr!
  • #3
    It's interesting to see how your mind works. Brilliant interpretation of an old fairy tale. Or is it a fable?

    Also, it is only natural that I got to have the villa. And the tea ^_^

    Quote from "CrazyCapnMorgan" »
    I lol'd! That was awesome. All I can say about the story is....



    Poor Stormy.

    She doesn't know what she's missing :(
  • #4
    I don't know whether the 'The wolf and the 3 pigs' story will classify as a fable or not because I do not quite remember whether a moral lesson was attached to it as fables are reputed for.

    Fables themselves possess a very 'limited' story line and little character development while fairy tales are these 'far-fetched' stories that tickle the fancy/dreaming and imaginative mood.

    The fact that I'm associating fairy tales with moral lessons (somewhat...) is a bit controversial...

    However 'fairy tales' sounds way cooler than 'fables', which was the simple-minded reasoning behind the choice of the term. :P

    Oh before I get lost in my rant, thank you folks. :D

    Future stories will have completely new chars.
    And Shatt, my own mind interests me beyond what you might guess. I keep trying to see where it will lead me really. ;)
  • #5
    That was hilarious. :thumbsup:
    Smiling is infectious.

    Give, expecting nothing thereof. ------------ BoD - Come have some fun!
    Folks will always come and go, so enjoy them while they're meant to be in your life.

  • #6
    Very nice! Loved it. Still shadowed by Dfans The Movie.
    "I want to say something but I'll keep it to myself I guess and leave this useless post behind to make you aware that there WAS something... "
    -Equinox

    "We're like the downtown of the Diablo related internet lol"
    -Winged
  • #7
    Thank you Stormy and Umpa. :D

    Still shadowed by Dfans The Movie.


    Really? Wait till you read the story of the Beauty of the Beast...or rather Equinox and the Reptar... or Little red riding Stormy... :P
  • #8
    Hhmm.. That is a very....peculiar combination you have there. Peculiar in the sense that I'm sure it must be a coincidence since you should know nothing of my interaction with Equinox outside of the site. Even on the site we don't talk that much. Write it soon, me and her will get a good laugh out of it. I'm itching to read that one man. lol.
    "I want to say something but I'll keep it to myself I guess and leave this useless post behind to make you aware that there WAS something... "
    -Equinox

    "We're like the downtown of the Diablo related internet lol"
    -Winged
  • #9
    Muahahahaha - I'll get to mess with the wolf that ate ma granny.
    :cute:
    Smiling is infectious.

    Give, expecting nothing thereof. ------------ BoD - Come have some fun!
    Folks will always come and go, so enjoy them while they're meant to be in your life.

  • #10
    that was an amazing story!!! how did you know I always keep a pitchfork under my bed just in case??? :P


    Thanks ScyberDragon!!! you're awesome!!:D:D
  • #11
    Well...I know a lot of things. Mehehehe...like how much flour and milk and sugar and chocolate you need to make the perfect cookie.
    I know, this is indeed supreme knowledge, achieved after many many years of meditation.

    Oh Reptar, sadly enough, this fanfic will only see progress in 2-3 months time.
    I only started it to see if anybody liked it.
    I usually write tons of stuffs...ideas here and there. So I'll definitely shape most fairy tales Nekro-style by then.

    Dfans movie takes priority of course. There'll be 2 more episodes(of dfans movie) before i take a 2 months (forum)break to complete some college stuff.
    Besides gym is taking a lot of my time lately because I have changed my training schedule.
    @ Umpa
    Just know that your part (for Dfans movie) is already written. So I ain't gonna let you down. It won't be in the 2 next episodes unfortunately. It's rather further along the way.
    And Stormy, you'll definitely have your go at the wolf

    Ah well, I promise to spoil you all with loads of stories once I get back. ;)
  • #12
    oh no... two months?? that's a lot man!!


    Thanks ScyberDragon!!! you're awesome!!:D:D
  • #13
    Quote from "Nacho_ijp" »
    oh no... two months?? that's a lot man!!


    Ya I know. But writing daily reports for 6 weeks straight is pretty demanding. :(
    Add a dissertation and a presentation and you got a lot of work in there.
    Leaves little time for fanfic.

    Once I pawn these exams...success will greatly amplify my imagination and creativity, so it'll turn out to your advantage in the end. ;)
  • #14
    Quote from "Nekrodrac" »
    Well...I know a lot of things. Mehehehe...like how much flour and milk and sugar and chocolate you need to make the perfect cookie.
    I know, this is indeed supreme knowledge, achieved after many many years of meditation.

    Oh Reptar, sadly enough, this fanfic will only see progress in 2-3 months time.
    I only started it to see if anybody liked it.
    I usually write tons of stuffs...ideas here and there. So I'll definitely shape most fairy tales Nekro-style by then.

    Dfans movie takes priority of course. There'll be 2 more episodes(of dfans movie) before i take a 2 months (forum)break to complete some college stuff.
    Besides gym is taking a lot of my time lately because I have changed my training schedule.
    @ Umpa
    Just know that your part (for Dfans movie) is already written. So I ain't gonna let you down. It won't be in the 2 next episodes unfortunately. It's rather further along the way.
    And Stormy, you'll definitely have your go at the wolf

    Ah well, I promise to spoil you all with loads of stories once I get back. ;)



    I have faith in you no worries. :)
    You better come back!!!!!!!
    Maybe you could post every other day to let us know your still alive?
    "I want to say something but I'll keep it to myself I guess and leave this useless post behind to make you aware that there WAS something... "
    -Equinox

    "We're like the downtown of the Diablo related internet lol"
    -Winged
  • #15
    Quote from "Umpa65" »
    I have faith in you no worries. :)
    You better come back!!!!!!!

    [spoil][/spoil]
    Ok...maybe not in such a creepy style.
    Let's try another one. The message is in the first 30 sec or so of the vid but the vid is so cool anyway and an excellent metaphor of what I am gonna do.
    I said metaphor.... Yep I ain't a psycho...yet. :P

    Quote from "Umpa65" »
    Maybe you could post every other day to let us know your still alive?

    On Sundays most probably...when nobody is around. :P
  • #16
    Heh nice. So how many fairy tales will you be doing?
    "I want to say something but I'll keep it to myself I guess and leave this useless post behind to make you aware that there WAS something... "
    -Equinox

    "We're like the downtown of the Diablo related internet lol"
    -Winged
  • #17
    A few...no fixed number in mind.

    Beauty and the beast(Equinox and you) and Little Red Riding Stormy are certain ones.
    After that, I'll branch out towards fables. There are quite a few I like in there.
    Like the guy who cried wolf and stuff...
    Ya I love wolves.
    I hope Jet liked the story and it didn't piss him off too much. He didn't give any feedback... :(

    There's a bit of 'fairy tale' I planned for Dfans the movie. So I'll finish this part in the latter before tackling more fairy tales in this thread.
    We shall see how it works out. :)
  • #18
    You need more publicity. Your efforts could actually make the fan fic section worth going to lol.
    "I want to say something but I'll keep it to myself I guess and leave this useless post behind to make you aware that there WAS something... "
    -Equinox

    "We're like the downtown of the Diablo related internet lol"
    -Winged
  • #19
    Yep, Zhar somehow missed me in the last spotlight :xD:

    Just kidding. Lol.

    Still, there are plenty of other fanfics out there, worth your time, i assure you. I have read all fanfics that have started this year, so i am not just talking for talking's sake...

    Now that the writing guild is set up by the hard work our good werehamster, writers can actually can directions on what to improve and how to continue.

    The guild has had a rather slowed activity lately though. Must be the reviewers being busy which is all too natural. This is why I think, us readers should take up the challenge and give our constructive comments/criticism on other writers' works.
    The more people you have reading your work, the better it will be to progress.
    I was rather more cunning in using the users here to star in 'my' or rather our fanfic. It ignited just enough interest to push people to read more.
    Other writers don't have the same luck sadly enough. That is why we need to give them the helping hand in pursuing their writing path by giving some feedback.

    I just love writing. I have a lot of projects in mind but I am still honing my skills and mark my words, I'll someday become the best one here (quality-wise not popularity-wise). :P

    Yes, I love dreaming too I guess. :xD:


    Just imagine if Jet and Atru got a comic going with these stories. Just how awesome it would be? I have seen Atru's work which was pure genius.
    But I am thinking of much more simple pencil drawing/sketching. I know you and Nacho got the skills for that. We could have a whole team working on it...

    Oh well...dreams...dreams... I just love them. But I also believe that- A man without dreams is an empty shell.

    I live my dreams. That also means that someday I'll freaking fly. Now I am sure i lost you all there. Oh well... ;)
  • #20
    I have always been down for collaboration here! I would love to do something like that. It could be anything fro simple concept drawings all the way to ps pieces now that I've recently gotten the hang of painting in photoshop to a point where I feel like showing off work of a quality that will do me justice.
    "I want to say something but I'll keep it to myself I guess and leave this useless post behind to make you aware that there WAS something... "
    -Equinox

    "We're like the downtown of the Diablo related internet lol"
    -Winged
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