Oh but don't get me wrong about the direction of the sun stuff. Though the sun actually sets on the west and not the east. I was only warning you about describing physical places like mountains and valleys. It's something I trip myself up on a lot.
While you are writing a story and will be using a lot of passive voice, avoid it on the smaller scale. For example, "The sun slowly emerged from the horizon..."
, illuminating the jagged peaks of the High Ridge Mountains;
Just don't forget later where you're saying the sun rises. You're implying the direction of things here. It's just fine now, I'm only saying to be careful later when you get into this stuff.
light crept its way across the land to end today and begin tomorrow, night’s shadow finally recedes.
What you've done here is mixed a lot of past and present tense together. People could interpret this mistake in a number of ways. Changing verb tense within a sentence can work at times, but it is totally unnecessary to do here and I found it kind of distraacting.
And all living creatures inhabiting the Great Forest began to emerge from their slumber, ready to greet the new day, only to be met by a rain of fire.
Literally fire began to rain out of the sky? I'm all for that except if something this big is going to happen abruptly at the end of your short description of this place, you may wish to do a bit more before leading up to. If say, your story has a protagonist in it, perhaps he/she can be doing something in the middle of this place when at one point they notice a light in the sky, turning to several, turning to several more raining down upon them. Stuff like that.
Can you post the story itself in the thread? It's easier for me to give you feedback that way so I can quote paragraphs and single sentences at a time more easily.
Siaynoq's Playthroughs
While you are writing a story and will be using a lot of passive voice, avoid it on the smaller scale. For example, "The sun slowly emerged from the horizon..."
Just don't forget later where you're saying the sun rises. You're implying the direction of things here. It's just fine now, I'm only saying to be careful later when you get into this stuff.
What you've done here is mixed a lot of past and present tense together. People could interpret this mistake in a number of ways. Changing verb tense within a sentence can work at times, but it is totally unnecessary to do here and I found it kind of distraacting.
Literally fire began to rain out of the sky? I'm all for that except if something this big is going to happen abruptly at the end of your short description of this place, you may wish to do a bit more before leading up to. If say, your story has a protagonist in it, perhaps he/she can be doing something in the middle of this place when at one point they notice a light in the sky, turning to several, turning to several more raining down upon them. Stuff like that.
I look forward to reading more.
Siaynoq's Playthroughs
Siaynoq's Playthroughs