DiabloFans

This story begins as all stories do- with a wand.
Narrator-ok, maybe not all stories- but you get the idea.

The Eximius Wand. It has long been rumored that the great sorcerer Scoobidux himself rose to fame with it. Though how he acquired it, none knew. The very wand that was the cause of terrible wars long past, has entered the realms of myth and legend through the fading memories of men and reduced to a mere child's tale.
We are in the Age of Tenebris. The great age of darkness foretold by the Sages and bearing evidence in the sacred scriptures of Iajk.
Through these very scriptures that have been protected for centuries by the Moomoo clan, it was prophecised that the Eximius Wand will resurface- to either put an end to the horrors of the Age of Tenebris or plunge the world in darkness so impenetrable that the doom of men will have echoed throughout the mortal realm.
It is during these very dark times, that the Moomoo clan sends forth their young prince Nacho to find the wand and bring it back so they can, through their wisdom and power, guide the powerful artifact to fulfill it's destiny and in so doing save the world.
Accompanying him on this perilous quest was Nekrodrac, a vile, scrawny, abominable, detestable, repugnant...
Nekro- "Oi, oi! Aren't you going a bit too far there?"
Narrator- Oh shut up. Characters aren't supposed to talk until the second episode. And I am the narrator and I say what I want. And I don't like you!
Where was I? Oh ya...
The young prince was accompanied by Nekrodrac who was as deceitful as his name sounds and had his own agenda other than serving Nacho.
Through his cunning schemes, Nekro has gained the position of esquire to the prince. Unknown to the tribe he has broken the golden rule and read the sacred scriptures(only the elders were allowed to) and now sees the Eximius Wand as his chance to rise to obtain immeasurable power.
Even Nacho doesn't know the wand's true nature but the elders trusted in his simple and innocent nature to recover the powerful weapon and bring it safely back to the tribe. Besides Nacho has powers of his own and is the most apt at succeeding in this dangerous journey.

On the night of departure, a special ceremony to bless the adventurers was organized. As the time approached, Nacho was summoned by the leader of the tribe named PhrozenDragon who gave words of caution but also indications of where he should head.
Phrozen- "Ah young prince, these days are so dark and yet we must ask of you such a dangerous deed. May you find in your heart the courage to bear with it all. Myself I have been working on the wiki so long and yet...oh wait...*cough*cough* I mean- begin your journey with my blessings and seek out the oracle known as Nektu. The whereabouts of the wand is unknown but he will guide you on your way to your ultimate goal. Here is a gift for you to give him. It contains 'Fondue bourguignonne' and a 'Tarte flambée'. I have heard he likes good food, so it should help him warm up to you."

"But hey you said no conversations til the second episode!"
Narrator- Oh shut up Nekro. Can't you just appreciate the sadness of that tearful departure. Man, I really want to delete your character right now.
"Sorry."
"Ya, you better recognize, bitch!"


And so Nacho and Nekro both took their leave of the clan and bid them farewell.


--------------------First Episode Over---------------------

But who was Scoobidux? Did he really hang out with the evil lewd witch named Equinox?
Did Scoobidux really summon a sacred beast called Umpa? And is the beast still alive?
Did the scriptures of Iajk contain the origin of Kama Sutra?
All of these answers will be revealed in the next episode of Dfans the movie: The Journey...hmm...is still beginning

Nacho to Nekro, "Can you really call these episodes when it says movie?"
Nekro, 'I don't know prince but best not to piss off the narrator."
Nekro whispers- "He is rather deranged."

I READ THAT!!!

Well we start where we last left off.
Our two heroes leaving for their perilous quest.
Narrator- Correction. One hero and a traitor. Nekro a hero? Hmpff...
We need to locate ourselves first however, before the journey goes on any further- both geographically and historically.

Precelsus Tutshi- the world, or as its inhabitants most commonly called her- Mother Precel.
For hundreds of years, the lands of Precel had been divided through the corrupt minds and hands of powerful and greedy warlords- with nothing but more land and power driving their murky dreams of conquest.

Whilst men fought against men, the magic that lay hidden in Precel's womb stirred. Hatred, corruption, betrayal and violence caused the land of Precelsus Tutshi to bleed tears of sadness for her children who seemed lost in relentless wars. This was when the Fountains Of Life were birthed.
Within the deep valleys of Ashnak came the red fountain conferring to its drinker the power of fire.
Lost in the mountains of Trijker came the blue fountain which bestowed the power of water.

These were the only 2 fountains that were known and the Moomoo clan and the Wolian clan rose to prominence shortly after. The leader of each group had the same prophetic dream of the fountains' locations and took it upon themselves to go forth and bring the power of the holy water to their brethren- all in the hopes of putting an end to the plague that wars have become.
The power of fire and water and those that wielded it were too powerful for the simple warrior and thus wars came to an end. The Moomoo clan with the power of fire and the Wolian clan with the power of water and each of them fiercely protecting their Fountains of Life. However peace was short lived.
Soon enough the vile and wicked schemed and plotted and an ancient evil was called forth to battle the newfound strength of our two clans.
His name was Daemaro. He was the creature that ruled Precel in ages when men was yet unheard of. It was a time of terrible beasts- it was the time of Werehamsters and Dragons. Daemaro's initial demise is veiled in mystery but his powerful dark magic lingered on Precel just like his memories. And when the vile grew desperate in the face of the power of the alliance of the two clans, they sensed his brooding presence, and through dark rituals called forth his spirit.
However such was the power of this terrible being that the rituals carried out by mere mortals weren't enough to enable him to return whole. And thus he remained as a mere spirit, yet powerful enough to summon the fearful werehamsters and dragons.
While he greatly desired to call upon his 2 lieutenants Seth and ScyberDragon, the magic he wielded was insufficient for the great summon.

It was only a matter of time however before it was possible. As men feared and as they fell to anger and hatred, Daemaro fed off their emotions and desires and became gradually stronger.
A greater war started, beasts against mages...and the mages were losing.

This was the time hailing the rise of the mage Scoobidux who possessed both the powers of fire and water. It was impossible to drink from the 2 fountains. Anyone who had attempted had died a painful death brought about by a flesh-eating disease. How he stayed alive was a mystery but rumors carried over the wind that he possessed a wand- a wand so powerful that it protected the drinker and allowed Scoobidux to manipulate both water and fire. However his powers seemed to exceed even simple manipulations of these two elements. He also possessed powers of dark magic! He could summon creatures to serve him though the creatures themselves were different from Daemaro's.

One such summon made a name for itself, by going to the forefront of battles and waging destruction on the enemy troops. This beast is described in legends as having green scales orange eyes, purple tongue and....a permanently startled expression.
And so the child's tales go, that the great Umpa is asleep and can be awakened only by Scoobidux true successor.

The mages eventually triumphed with Scoobidux at their head and the scriptures of Iajk were laid down by the Sages who were the chosen ones(picked by Scoobodux himself) of both the Wolian and the Moomoo clan. After the death of the great mage, wars erupted in different kingdoms on who should obtain the power of the famous wand...but the wars ended when the wand was lost. How and when- nobody knew. These events date from 200 years back and accurate recollections were only found in the Iajk scriptures.

Our two protagonists have presently set off from the valley of Ashnak which was on the southeast end of Precel. Due south was located the mountains of Trijker. The two clans were within 5 days walk of each other.

Precel herself was divided into 5 major kingdoms by the branches of the great river Aky which took its source from the highest peak located at the very centre of the vast expanses of land which formed the world. The Northernmost kingdom of Brundersn still under the rule of the descendants of past Warlords is where it is rumored the injured spirit of Daemaro has fled to and is presently hiding. Though if Daemaro still survives to this date has not been confirmed.

--------------------End of episode 2--------------
Nekro- " What the h..."
Narrator- "You again? What's your problem this time?"
Nekro- " You do realise that there hasn't been a single conversation in this whole episode and you were ranting about how we could talk for the second episode and all."
Nacho-"Ya, ya, I agree!"
Narrator-"Bunch of bitches! What's your problem? I said you could talk. Not that you would. Anyway this is some serious shit. Had to set the atmosphere and the background. And you best stop bitching because soon you'll have your hands so full of action, you'll beg for rest. Man, I never had such problems in stories I narrated before." *sigh*
Nekro and Nacho- "Oh coooool"
Narrator- "Seriously though, I am disappointed in you both. None of you asked about the Kama Sutra bit."
Nekro and Nacho- " Oh ya! So are there any details in the Iajk scriptures?"
Narrator- " Hahahaha, you got pawned bitches! It was only to attract attention in the first place. You think you are in some porn story or what? Anyway best get prepared. The witch Equinox was not heard in this one, but her appearance is imminent"
Daemaro- "Oh ya baby! I got in. Am so awesome!"
Nekro, Nacho and Narrator- " Oh shut up Dae."
Phrozen- "Hey, what's up with all that. My WHOLE role was that one conversation I had last episode?"
Narrator- *sigh*

Will the next episode be as boring as this one?
Will the characters talk? Who is Turmobil?
Is the fairy Psyxix a guy or a girl? Can a fairy really be a guy?

And exactly what is the position 69?

All of these answers will be revealed in the next episode of Dfans the movie: Encounter with Turmobil....the Timetraveller?

The Moomoo clan was located deep within the Ashnak valley, close to the Fountain of Fire. The whole tribe had relocated- during the Warlords Wars- to protect the source of their power.

Some places in Ashnak itself were sometimes more of a gorge with some fissures reaching so deep in Precel that the eye could only perceive darkness if anyone peered down them.
The valley stretched many miles northward(the direction in which Nacho and Nekro were heading) but only a few miles across, so it would take at least 3 days march before our 2 clan members left their home and entered the Forest of Gurk.

After the Beast Wars, their used to be patrols from the Moomoo clan guarding the boundaries of their home and venturing in the forest and beyond to bring news of the world. But some 10 years back, strange beasts started emerging- bold and aggressive. And then suddenly fire no longer seemed to matter to them as their eyes flashed red and they tore the flesh of any living they crossed. Daemaro was immediately suspected to be at the origin of it all but these new creatures were something completely bewildering to the elders of both clans as they recalled the writings of the scriptures on the beasts' descriptions.

What was seen in the forests looked like normal animals...normal only in appearance however. They seemed to have given in to folly and rage and none could explain what has been causing such a terrible change. And so it was that after several 'accidents', PhrozenDragon pulled back all of his men from the frontiers and established a tighter defence around and nearer to the clan's location. Thus after 2 days walk, Nacho and Nekro left the last patrol guard behind them and were very much on their own.
[spoil]Narrator- It should be made clear that the Iajk scriptures were presently guarded by the Moomoo clan. After each ten years these were passed to the guardianship of the other clan. This was done mainly to maintain friendly relationships as the scriptures themselves have not been consulted in a very long time. It was a tradition that the knowledge of the Iajk was passed from a select group of elder members to the next group who will succeed them.
How that bastard of Nekro managed to get his filthy hands on them, only he knows.[/spoil]
On the 3rd day of their departure something strange occurred to our adventurers. As they were walking up a pathway bordered by wild bushes and trees a light suddenly appeared a few yards ahead of them. It was a red light which seemed to shine as a piercingly bright point and then suddenly begin to dull and rapidly expand but still casting its reddish rays all around it.

While all of this strange phenomenon took a couple of seconds at most, it was all the time our prince needed to get himself in an offensive stance.
Drawing his steel sword with one hand, he raised his other free arm and whispered secret words which were in fact spells. A thin chain of fire wove around his arm like a snake before suddenly breaking into small balls of what appeared to be molten lava. They floated in the air for just a moment before two of them jumped to either side of him and a couple more behind the source of the red light. And as a tall man appeared in the spot where the red light was, so rose all four of the fire hydras Nacho cast, around him.

"AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRrghhhhh. BLOOOOOOOOOOODYYYYY HELLLLL!!!. Where's my Lolcat? Where is he? Oh fuck! Why does this always happen to me?"
While surprised by the sudden outcry of the stranger, Nacho also felt that this here was no enemy. Why he felt so, he couldn't explain himself. He didn't lower his guard nonetheless and instead exclaimed, " Stanger! What are you doing here and what is that magic that you wield? Speak- for you stand on the lands of the Moomoo clan and we suffer no trespassers."
The challenge made its effect as the stranger seemed to realise there was someone with a drawn sword in front of him and that he was surrounded by fire.
"Oh I am Turmobil the time-traveler. I just travelled back in time to find my cat named Lolcat. I lost him during my last Transition. One moment he was in my hand. Next mome.... Hey wow...how are these fires moving like that?"
Nacho however was distracted and only caught the name properly- "You have a weird thing on your shoulder."
Turmo looked and gasped."OHHHHH SHHHHHIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTT!!! That's Lolcat's tail. Oh GAAWWWDDD NOOOOOOOO..."
"It seems to be moving though" said Nacho.
Regaining his composure as suddenly as he lost it, Turmo said, "Oh you are right. If his tail is alive, the rest must be too. Pheewww.... I nearly panicked."
"Nearly....? Ah well my name is Nacho and here is my esqu..."
Narrator- "Where the hell is that cowardly bastard of Nekro?"
Oh here he is....
Nekro hurried from behind the bushes to regain the prince's side.
"Nekro, what...?"
Oh...uhm...I dropped my...my walking stick and *cough* went to fetch it."
"You dropped your walking stick all over there behind that bush where we never even passed!?!"
"Well yes."
"Ah nevermind. Here's Turmobil. He says he wields the magic of slimepretzel, whatever that is. Turmobil- "This is Nekro my....hmm...faithful esquire."
Turmo's attention quickly moved back to the hydras which were now vanishing in the earth as Nacho released his magic bind on them.
"What are these again? And where are we and what year is it?"
"These are fire hydras. The year is 1802 and you are standing in the valley of Ashnak, lands of the Moomoo clan found in Seak the SouthEastern Kingdom of Precel."

------------------End of episode 3----------------------

Narrator- "Hoho...no annoying questions or any complaining this time? I am surprised."
Seth- "When do I get in there? I was only mentioned briefly. Discrimination against rodents it is, sir!!!"
Umpa- "And also discimination against reptiles if I may add. You put me to sleep and just let me sleep my ass off."
Scyber- "And I voice my dismay on the part of dragons on our lack of action."
Narrator- *sigh* Well i guess I spoke too quickly there, didn't I?. Anyway back to business, nobody asked what is the position 69?"
Nacho and Nekro grumbles- "Like if we would fall for that again..."
Narrator- "Come on guys. Don't be so grumpy. I mean how lame would it be to play the same trick on you twice in a row? I was really going to tell you this time. But well, if you don't want to know, fine with me."
Nacho, Nekro, Turmo, Seth, Scyber and Umpa chorussed enthusiastically- "So what is it?"

[spoil]Narrator- "PAWNED YOU, BITCHES!!!! Hahahahah.....man you are such newbs...2 times in a row. Ah this never gets old.... What kind of story you think you are in!?! Hahahaha...."[/spoil]

Psyxix-"Hey! hey! What about me?? I wasn't even included in this chapter! And i put up with all your nasty jokes about whether I am a guy or a girl only to discover I don't even get an appearance?"
Narrator- "Dude after hundreds and hundreds of words, don't you think I need a small break? Don't you have any heart? Here have a cookie and be patient.. Your time will eventually come."

The whole band(Nacho to Dae)- "We want cookies too!!!!"
Narrator-*Sigh* Oh God...what did I do to end up with such a story? Here you go."


Will Turmobil stop talking in capital letters? Did he really travel back in time?
Is Equinox EVER gonna make her appearance?
Who is Azriel? Does he really like guys?
And did Hans really play all mods? Hey wait, who the hell is Hans?


And more importantly, does the G-spot really exist? And which road should you take to get there?

All of these answers will be revealed in the next episode of Dfans the movie: The Fourth Companion.

Narrator: Nacho and Nekro encounter Turmobil, a man claiming he travels through time. However something seems wrong. Whatever time he thinks he has gone back to, Turmobil is shocked to discover that magic and hydras exist and that there is a world known as Precel.

Turmo- "Wait a second. Precel? Moomoo clan? What the... Anyway how did you do that hydra stuff because that was bloody awesome!"
Then suddenly it all clicked into place in his head and realisation hit Turmo.

"I can't believe it. Am in another freaking dimension! Oh ya, I did it. I freaking did it! Just a couple of questions gentleman to confirm my theory- you know Africa, America, England, France or Corn Flakes?
Nekro and Nacho- "No."
Turmo- "Well it was a pleasure meeting you all! I have to go back for Lolcat now. Will see you later maybe when I have time. I definitely have to investigate this hydra thing."
Pressing some buttons on a curious gadget he had, strapped on his forearm, Turmo waited and.....waited.
Nothing happened.
"FFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUU.....That damn thing is broken. Why does this always happen to me? FFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUU."
Nacho- "I would hate to interrupt your monologue friend, but we need to part ways, for me and my esquire are on a mission."
Turmo- "Wait, wait. Are you just going to leave a poor innocent man all alone with his precious dimension warp gadget broken! Please help me fix this thing. I'll give you cookies in return. See here, have some."
Needless to say that after tasting the chocolate cookies brought by Turmo from whichever place he came from, Nacho and Nekro were completely sold.
Nacho- "Alright, you can accompany us. I may not know how to fix your gadget but in the Eastern kingdom of Curast where we are heading, it is said that there are inventors of all kinds and I am sure you will find what you need there."
However instead of rejoicing, Turmo was shocked.
Turmo to himself- "Kurast? Holy crap. Don't tell me am in a game now?"
Turmo to Nacho and Nekro- "Guys, does diablo...hmm...dark wanderer, Mephisto, Baal ring any bells with you."
Nekro- "We do not have any bells with us, so I don't see your point."
Turmo- "AAAAAAARRRRRGHHH. No no. I mean, do you know these diablo, dark wanderer guys?
Nacho-"No."
Turmo- "Ok then, let's go."
Turmo's thoughts *Pheewwwww. Man, I got so scared at one point. I thought there were going to be demons and beasts around here.*
And so with their new found companion, our two Moomooers pursued their journey.

------------End of ep.....

Nekro- "Hold on there! Is that all?"
Narrator- "Well I was going to finish it before you interrupted me with your awesomely foul manners!"
Nacho- "I think what Nekro means is that we would have liked a bit more."
Narrator- "ok...ok. Since you have all realized my greatness, I guess we can carry on a little bit further."

The Trijker mountains. 7 days ago.
Words from Phrozen have reached the Wolian clan's leader, Hans. As soon as he received the message, Hans immediately sent for one of his mages- Azriel.
Now Azriel himself was quite young but possessed a certain gift in manipulating the water element. Indeed some of his powers exceeded some seasoned mages of the clan. He was the pride of his forebears.
His dedication to practicing and developing his spells placed him well on the way to becoming the strongest of the clan, yet very much like Nacho the power never got to his head.

Hans to Az- "My boy, I have a mission for you. Your friend Nacho has set off for a very dangerous journey. He'll be needing your help. The message from Elder PhrozenDragon tells me he will set off in 4 days time. He will be heading for the Gurk forest and as you know, reports coming from this place have not been very good. Bear in mind that it is probable the powers of water or of fire alone may not triumph. So you'll need to look out for each other. Nacho will be waiting for you at the entrance of the forest. Don't make him wait too long. And do not travel through the forest at night in any case whatsoever."

Azriel could barely hide his excitement. Him and Nacho knew each other since childhood and were best friends ever since they first met each other during the clans' annual gathering.
Az to Hans- "I wish to thank you for the trust you placed in me great one. I need a couple of days to complete my preparations and I need your guidance on which road to take."
Hans-" Oh I have tried all mods you know. But I recommend the Zy-El mod for you. It's safest and quickest way to get to your goal."
Az-"Hmm...mods? Oh, you mean roads."
Hans-"Ah young one, when you reach my age you know; mods-roads, roads-mods - they pretty much are the same. Anyway after all my playing*cough*traveling rather, I have quite the experience, so worry not and take my advice and you'll be fine."

-----------------------End of episode 4--------------------

Nektu- "At this rate, they will take an eternity to reach me! Where am I anyway? And what direction are these brats even taking? There is no sense at all in there."

Narrator- "Oh shut up Nektu. I would have thought that as an oracle you would have guessed these minor details would fill in sooner or later. Are you doubting my skill?"

Nektu- "Sorry."
Narrator- "Ah much better. Now I guess I can reveal to you the secrets of the the G-spot."
The others- "What about us?"

[spoil]Narrator- You got pawned bitches!!! Wuahahahah. This is a new pawning technique I invented.
I've named it: side-distraction pawning. Man, I'm so good. And Nektu don't look so happy there in your corner. You got pawned too, bitch!"[/spoil]



Is there even any point in mentioning the witch Equinox at all?
Who is that evil bastard, Shatterer?
Is he evil enough to steal people's cookies?

But more importantly, who is dirty sanchez? Does he stink that bad?

All of these answers will be revealed in the next episode of Dfans the movie: Shatterer the messenger.

Narrator- 6 days ago. Trijker Mountains.
Azriel departs and takes the Zy-el road as suggested by Elder Hans.

He was to meet Nacho at Jeespott Tower, which was located at the end of Ashnak valley and was used as an outpost during the first Warlord Wars. It lay in ruins now and since the Beast Wars took place near the Northern Kingdom there did not seem any need to repair it afterwards. Phrozen considered rebuilding it after the strange happenings of the Gurk forest but none of his guards would stay near the woods at night. It seemed there was much more than enraged animals roaming around upon nightfall.

Nacho who had been given a map of Precel by Phrozen already knew Azriel would be meeting up with them and was hurrying to the agreed location. They would be heading to the Eastern Kingdom of Curast where it was rumored the oracle had last been- hence the invitation to Turmo, as Curast was also known as the city of wonders with impressive architectures and crazy inventors.

Day 3 after departure from Moomoo clan.
The sun had already passed its highest point in the sky and but the heat still slowed down our travelers. In an hour's time they would reach the borders of Gurk.
However as they neared the forest, Nacho felt a strange feeling stirring within himself. It was as though he was being summoned...he felt an irresistible desire to go into the forest to discover.... discover what? He couldn't explain it to himself except that the the 'force' that commanded him to enter the dark forest would be without mercy on his friends and himself if he didn't respond to the call.
And he understood then that there were terrible powers in this world and that he had to obey. If he didn't, they would all die and he knew there would be no escaping. He looked over to his two companions and was briefly distracted.

They seemed to have noticed nothing.
Turmo to Nekro- ".... and she said tentacles taste good."
And they both broke in mad laughter.
"Ah well, seems they are getting along nicely" thought Nacho though he wondered how on Precel could tentacles be funny.

But these meaningless thoughts were completely driven from his mind as soon as they passed the abrupt turn in the path and his eyes fell on the trees of Gurk. It seemed he had stepped into another world- a world where the living hungered for each others blood and the wicked mocked and goaded them on. A world of savages.

Nekro and Turmo stopped laughing. The change in the atmoshpere was too obvious to ignore. The air had become heavier and each step was a struggle.

Nacho- "We shall wait here. Noon has passed and we cannot venture into the forest. If we try to, night would be upon us before we get out of Gurk and I don't want to take such unneccessary risks. Besides Azriel would be joining us soon. So you will wait for him here."
Nekro- "Azriel? Who's that? And why did you say 'you'. Where are you going?"
Nacho- "Azriel is one of my friends from the Wolian clan, Nekro. You wouldn't know him as you never participated in any of the clans' celebrations. And as for me, I'll go into the forest and see if the old path is still there. We would need to know so as not to lose any time tomorrow and seek out the best way."
Turmo- "Are you freaking mad? This forest looks creepy."
Nekro- "Turmo is right. No unneccessary risk- just like you said."
Nacho- " Oh well, I guess you are right Nekro. Since you are faster than any of us, just go for a quick investigation and report back to me."
Nekro- "Of course, my prince! If these are your orders."

Nekro took a few steps and then stopped.
"AAaahhhh...my leg. The pain, oh the pain! "
And he fell down tragically.
Barely conceiling his grin, Nacho hoisted Nekro to the place where they have decided they were going to camp and made his way towards the forest.
As he went, he reassured his companions, "Don't fear my friends. I'll be fast and it's still day. I'll be back in a couple of hours at most."
The moment he left the camping place though, he felt like he was walking to his doom.
He was sweating from a mixture of heat, fear but also excitement.

He barely noticed the time passing or even his legs moving before he was in the shade of the first tree. Taking a deep breath, he entered the forest.
The change came as a shock to his senses. It was like he had turned deaf and blind at the same time. Not a sound and for some time no light at all. However before long, his eyes started adjusting to the forest dim lighting and he saw the path. He had visited the forest when very young, before the strange happenings. He was relieved to see the familiar track but he was not there for this purpose. He knew where he should go- the summons had become definitely stronger when he stepped into Gurk. He walked away from the track and plunged deeper into the darkness.

He didn't go far, it must have been less than a mile when it happened.
He felt invisible hands wrapping around his throat and soon he was choking. As his knees hit the ground, a long sinister laugh echoed all around. The hands released him and Nacho took a great gulp of air as he tried to steady himself and focus on where the sound was coming from. It was impossible to tell however, it seemed to be coming from all directions at the same time.
The laughing died down and in its place emerged a high-pitched, raspy voice resonating with malice.
"Greetings young prince. I am Shatterer, messenger of his greatness, Lord Tulkhan."


--------------------Episode 5----------------------------

Shatterer- "One...line. One line, damnit and the episode has my name in the title!"
Narrator- *sigh* "Here we go again..."
Shatterer- "But am right!"
Narrator- 'Of course you are...not! Only the narrator is right- that is me if you didn't know.
In any case that whole episode has been building up to the moment of your appearance. Nacho felt your presence halfway through the thing, didn't you Nacho?"
Nacho- "Yes yes that's true. But man, you should stop using so much perfume. God, I could smell you miles away. It disrupts my concentration and makes me forget my lines."
Shatterer- "Well it's a new one I bought and it's pretty expensive for your information."
Umpa- "Expensive doesn't mean it's good."
Seth- "True, true! Besides we rodents strongly oppose use of perfumes. It contains CFCs which is bad for the atmosphere."
Nektu- "Pfft...you rodents and reptiles stink anyway. You are in no place to talk about perfumes. You could use some."
Seth- "I protest against this outrageous stereotypical thinking sir! i demand that you take back your words. I for one take a bath everyday! Thinking of which- Shatterer, when did you last take a shower?"
Shatterer- "Guys, did you know that Pluto is no longer considered a planet? Unbelievable, isn't it?"
Everyone eyeing Shatterer suspiciously- "Ya...right...."
Narrator- "Guys guys, you are getting distracted here. It's nearly the end and you are not curious about 'dirty sanchez'?'"
Scyber- 'Well i bet Shatterer would know him. Anyway that's a first time that the question was not related to sex- surprising."
Everyone nods in agreement.
[spoil]Narrator- Autopawnage and autoKamehamehaed BITCHES!!! hahahahahaha....You sure are one bunch of gullible bitches, aren't you? Too easy...too easy. Good laugh though. hahahahahaha...."[/spoil]



What is the evil Shatterer going to do to poor Nacho while they are alone in the woods?
Where is that bitch Azriel?
Has the witch Equinox really learned to prepare cookies? Are these cookies eatable?

And more importantly how long does a woman's orgasm really last? Are men being fooled?

All of these answers will be revealed in the next episode of Dfans the movie: Nacho V/S Shatterer.

Narrator- "Nacho is in the forest of Gurk on his knees with the terrible Shatterer towering in front of him.
No...no that's not what you are thinking... But who exactly is Shatterer or what is he?"

Shatterer- "A brave young prince you are for coming here all alone. I bring the words of my master, Lord Tulkan to you: The time of beast and man has passed. Once you recover the wand, remember that power is the ultimate truth. Come and seek Me out. I shall await your return."

Nacho still breathing with difficulty after the heavy onslaught of Shatterer, raised his head slowly.
What he saw almost froze his heart.

Standing before him was a man or what used to be a man. Tall and with eyes so drawn within their sockets that they seemed inexistant. On his head or skull rather rested a half-broken crown and in is his hand was a scepter. All around him shone a pale sickly blue light.
His face was distorted by a cynical leer as he gazed down upon the prince.

Nacho stood up and knew what was coming. Here was an evil being. Messenger he claimed to be, yet he was poised for attack. Nacho jumped back, drew his sword in a flash and in the same fluid movement touched his other hand on the side of the blade. When the blade parted contact with his palm, it glowed a deep red, like if it was on fire.

Shatterer's voice rang with malintent- "Shall we play then, prince?"
And the battle began.

Nacho was no match. Hydras he summoned and the fire-enchanted blade he wielded, but Shatterer only laughed through it all. Fire touched him to leave no mark, and Nacho's blade only cut through thin air however fiercely he slashed at the vile creature.

Then in one fell stroke Shatterer raised his scepter and brought it down upon Nacho. The prince survived, but only just. In a swift movement Nacho swung his sword upwards. His blade shattered as the scepter hit it but it was enough the deflect the fatal blow.
The enemy grabbed Nacho's hair and pulled his face close to his own. The putrid smell that came from him took Nacho aback.

Shatterer- "My master thinks you are of some value, so i shall let you live... But we shall meet again and you better be prepared weakling- for next time, you die.
And he added- "Remember then to be polite young prince and try to entertain me a little more than this pathetic fight we had."
Letting out a last evil cackle, Shatterer seemed to fade in the mist which had gathered around.

Deeply shaken by the encounter but otherwise physically unhurt except for his sore sword-arm, Nacho clumsily made his way back out of the forest.

At the camp.
Two hours had gone by. Nekro who had been to collect some driftwood was returning. Turmo had a small fire going with some dry leaves and straw he had gathered around.
Turmo to Nekro- " Why are you covered in so many bruises? Did you fall on your way?"
Nekro- "Hmm, actually ya I did. My leg still hurts. Is Nacho not back yet?"

Then they heard somebody running behind them. They were close to the main road and could see it from where they were. A young man arrived dressed in a deep purple cloak bearing the emblem of the Wolian clan and with a long staff hung over his back.

Nekro- You must be Azriel. I am Nekro, prince Nacho's esquire and here's Turmo a friend we've met along the way. Nacho will be here soon. He went to scout the area and see which path we shall take tomorrow."
Azriel- "Oh I see the Moomoo clan emblem on your quilted armor. I have never seen you before though."
Several minutes went by...
Then Az decided to break the silence- "So which branch of magic do you specialize, Turmo?"
"Oh...uhm....slimepretzel" mumbled Turmo.
"I never heard that before. I do Hym."
Turmo- "Who?"
"Hym. When I first learned about hym I instantly fell in love. And from then on, each morning I have practiced and now I do Hym at a completely new level." said Az glancing at Nekro.
Turmo- "I thought you two didn't know each other? Never knew you were so close. Nothing against you pal, but I sleep over here. So could you sleep over there?"
Az- "huh?"
Nekro laughing like a maniac- "Turmo it's H-Y-M. It's also known as water magic. The Wolian clan named it so, in honor of their first leader, Hym, who brought them the water from the Blue Fountain of Life.
Turmo- "Oh...fountain of life? Guys I think I'll have to tell you the truth now. I am not from here..."

Halfway through his story on how he created his time-travelling gadget that was actually a dimensional warp machine, Nacho arrived.
He put on a brave smile, welcomed heartily his friend Az and sat down, resting his back against a tree stump. He informed everyone that the forest track was intact and they were going to make an early departure next morning.

On his way back he had time to ponder on his meeting with Shatterer. He was no beast- that was for sure. And he also said something about the time of beasts and man having passed. Could he actually be working for Daemaro? And that Daemaro was trying some new clever scheme to foil his attempt to obtain the wand. And who is that Tulkhan?
All of these questions lingered on his mind until he realised one thing- he was not strong enough. He would have to learn new magic(spells) and he would also need to find a new sword.

While he was resting, Az spoke to him.
"Nacho, you have no weapon?"
Turmo and Nekro's attention turned to Nacho.
The Moomooer decided on the truth and he recounted his tale to his friends who were shocked.

But soon enough Nacho felt much better as everyone tried to cheer him up despite the danger that was out there, despite the fact that they didn't fully understand Shatterer's power and that even all of them combined would avail to nothing.

After wards, Turmo's tales became twice as funny and the friends set up a camp fire and made some hot pot with provision and cooking gear they had brought.
That night the Precelians learned the wonders of Turmo's dimension...about people traveling in metal boxes that could fly and a game called ovalball....

-------------------------End of episode 6------------------------

Az- "At last I joined the group. Thanks Narrator."
Narrator- "Unbelievable! Someone with gratitude in the place."
Az- "Your gay jokes were very gay however."
Narrator- "Pfft....the illusion of happiness eh? I guess it couldn't last long. Nobody can praise me around here. Terrible working conditions. I should ask for a pay rise."
Umpa- "Well if you actually started revealing the sex mysteries you keep babbling about."
Narrator- "Babbling? Reptiles have no manners I see. And they are not sex mysteries. They are life mysteries. What...? You think I'm so low to talk about sex each episode."
Everyone- "Well yes."
Narrator- "Ungrateful bastards."
Narrator- "Anyway today to celebrate my dog's birthday, I will answer my last life-mystery question."
Daemaro- "Your...dog's birthday? Ya...right...."
Narrator- " I don't think we need your sarcasm here Dae. Well let's start. Now as everyone knows, a woman's orgasm can supposedly last for one hour."
*Seconds of silence go by*
Everyone- "And?"
[spoil] Narrator- Pawned you bitches! This is my ultimate technique. Side-distraction-timebomb pawnage. Distraction through the dog(I don't even have a dog...haha) and the time bomb..whereby you are tempted to ask the question after subtle temptation!! Mwahahahahaha..."[/spoil]
Nekro- "These jokes are starting to become tiring, not to say they sound utterly ridiculous."
Narrator- "Hoho...listen to the bad loser who's been pawned..."

What will our friends encounter in the dark forest of Gurk?
What can Turmo do in a fight?
What can Nekro not do in a fight?

And more importantly- What do you have to do to be said as having a doggy style?

All of these answers will be revealed in the next chapter of Dfans the movie- The Forest of Gurk.

Dawn had yet to make its appearance before the Moomooers and Az were awake. Turmo still lay asleep and our friends packed their gear, refreshed themselves and cleared most traces of their camping before waking him up.
Turmo- "Whooaat ijj ith? Schtil night....Shleeeppp."

Nacho- "No Turmo, you must wake up. We need to make an early departure to be able to cross the forest before nightfall. If we are quick enough and the whole path is intact, it will take us 8 hours. But I doubt our journey will be uneventful. So we need to go."

After Turmo had refreshed himself and taken a frugal breakfast with everyone, our companions were on their way. However the event with Shatterer was in the back of their minds and they were more on their guard than ordinary.

They entered the forest just as dawn had passed and the sun had climbed over the horizon. Surprisingly enough, the forest seemed much less haunting than Nacho had experienced the day before. While the air was still heavy, the sound of birds chirping and the small feet of little creatures scuttling along tree trunks and the forest floor was deceivingly peaceful.
It seemed like a normal forest.

Nacho signaled his friends to remain alert and quickly they found the forest track and proceeded to follow it.

The path was heading in a general western direction and would open up on the Great Crossings Road which will take our friends back to the east. There were only 2 paths that went through the forest. The one Nacho and the others were taking would lengthen their journey but it was the shortest way out of the forest. The other path would have taken them closer to Curast but the spread of the woods made it such that it would take two whole days to come out of Gurk.

4 hours passed and the track remained as unaltered as it was in Nacho's memory. However the trees around seemed to have suffered. Some looked like they had been cruelly cleaved and torn by lightning while others bore deep gashes on their trunks from what appeared to be claws. They had reached a thick and dense part of Gurk and it was quite dark though our friends knew that the sun must be shining brightly above the flora-roof that constitued the dark green leaves of towering trees.

And then all of a sudden they felt it.

The ground shook and the sound of trees being 'tossed' aside came to their ears. A deep savage roar followed. It seemed to be coming from their left.
Turmo just fainted and Nekro backed away so fast that he tripped over a protruding tree root, fell and...just stayed there.

Az reacted. He grabbed his staff that hung over his back and hit the ground with it. A great barrier of water rose and quickly formed a dome over the 4 companions, protecting them. The water seemed alive as it rushed and flowed along the dome structure. They could still see outside.

Then the creature arrived. It was a bear. It seemed to have grown well beyond the normal size of bears that inhabited these parts. It was huge and almost as tall as the surrounding trees themselves as it reared on its hind legs. Drool and foam was coming out of its mouth- it roared once more and gave one great swipe with its massive paw. The barrier was hardly disturbed. But the animal seemed to become even more frenzied as it lept at the dome.

Now this was one ingenious spell Az had invented himself. The water that flowed and rushed around them with its small eddy currents provided a shield against any melee or ranged attack. A melee attack will only sweep the water aside and its dome structure meant that the water simply flowed around and the barrier remained whole. A ranged attack was deflected as the water's flow pattern, speed and direction could be changed at will by Az.

But the spell was even more complex.

If anybody tried to enter the barrier, the water dome would break and form a water prison around the attacker depriving him from air and essentially drowning him.
This is the very fate that awaited the bear.
It writhed and clawed viciously in vain at the water sphere that held him floating above the ground.

There were a dozen hydras around. Nacho cast them while Az did his spell.

Az looked at Nacho.
"I should free him. But he seems to be touched by some sort of madness. What should I do, Nacho?"
Nacho- "Look carefully Az."
And Az looked.

The bear's eyes were missing- there were just empty sockets...and as it turned its great head, the two friends noticed that half of its face has rotted and fallen away, revealing part of its skull and all of its jaw and teeth on that side.

Az- "How...how can this be? My water spell can't hold him much longer. He seems unaffected too. It cannot be a living animal."

Then Nacho noticed something- all of the hydras were pointing in his direction. Hearing a low growl just behind him, he quickly understood. Quickly ducking and rolling to the side just as the hydras poured forth their flames, he turned to see a second monstrous bear. It was temporarily stopped in its track by the intense wall of fire created by the hydras. It's fur ignited and it started burning...however it soon began advancing forward, seemingly heedless of the heat and flames.

Nacho wasted no time.

"Az, use your water-destruction technique on this one, leave the bear in the water prison for me. I need time to summon the Phoenix."

The Wolianer quickly obeyed. Making a punch motion towards the enemy and muttering a spell as he did so, a water cannonball formed in mid-air as big as the bear's huge head. The cannonball had fast revolving water within and as it shot towards the enraged animal at great speed, it's impact exploded the bear's head and the creature fell dead.

On the other side, Nacho raised both of his arms and the hydras vanished to leave small balls of glowing lava. As he brought his hands together, the fiery spheres joined and fused and a gigantic bird emerged from the bright flames that hung in mid-air. At the same time, the water prison broke and the second bear was free. It made its way straight for Nacho.
But not before the great phoenix swooped down and seemed to disappear as it touched the animal.

The bear froze in mid-attacking stance and started trembling all over. Mere seconds after wards it exploded...bones, entrails and flesh flying everywhere.

The Precelians had both used their strongest techniques and were out of magical energy and stamina. Thankfully, Turmo came around and Nekro too. As they helped the prince and Az up, our friends noticed that on the ground where their enemies were vanquished lay on one side a small pile of gold and on the other, a golden-colored chain armor and a pale green dagger.
Nekro went to inspect them.

"It seems these are all real, no illusions. What's more, from the chain armor and the dagger I am sensing some magic powers. It's dangerous to use them though. Especially from what we've seen of our enemies. We'll need someone to properly identify their special properties."

Az- "It amazes me you saw anything at all from where you were calmly lying and relaxing yourself."
Nekro- "*cough* Ahem..well you seemed to be getting on fine on your own, so I didn't want to bother you..."
Nacho- "I cannot walk yet and I don't think Az can either. Nekro, pick up these items. We'll examine them later on."
Turmo- "We cannot wait in this freaky place. Let's move on. I'll help Az. Nekro will help you Nacho.Let's get the hell outta here!"

The 4 friends stumbled on for 1 hour. Luckily enough, no more enemies appeared. Az and Nacho's magical energies started naturally refilling and they were soon able to walk almost normally.

They quickened their pace. The hours passed by and the forest seemed to be watching their every movement. No attack came though and they didn't stop for lunch or any rest.

And then finally...they perceived the road. Relief and joy it was.

------------------End of episode 7-------------------------

Umpa- "Holy dino, there was some serious action in there."
Narrator- "Ya I know- am good."
Turmo- "Mr Narrator, will I faint before each fight?"
Narrator- "Of course you will."
Turmo- "Awesome."
Shatterer- "A pity they got through so easy though..."
Nekro- "Man, you are really evil."
Shatterer- "At least I don't need bushes and overlying roots to save my ass."
Nekro- "Pff....whatever...at least I get to appear every episode."
Shatterer- "Big deal..."
Narrator- "Gentlemen please. Let's keep this conversation civil, shall we? So what do you have to do to be said to have a doggy style?"
Umpa- "Is this about sex again?"
Narrator- "Now...now I said life-mysteries. Use the correct term my good Umpa."
Umpa- "Ok...does it have anything related to sex?"
Narrator- "Well today I shall let you answer the question. I'll give you clues."
Everyone- "Yeah!!!"
Narrator- "First clue- it has something to do with dogs."
Phrozen- "It means you talk like a dog- I mean when you talk your tongue is lolling and you drool and all."
Seth- "It means you got lice."
Hans- "It means you like using your legs, and your hands too when you walk."
Narrator's thoughts *Man....just how innocent can you get...I guess I'll skip kamehameha/bitches-pawning mode today*

Narrator- "Incredible guys! You actually solved it on the first go. It's a combination of all the things you've said. Congratulation and cookies for everyone!"
Everyone- "Yay!"


Are our friends really safe?
Where will they go afterwards?
Who is Jetrall?

And more importantly if a pumpkin is orange, what colour would a blumpkin be?


All of these answers will be revealed in the next episode of Dfans the movie- The Town of ???