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    posted a message on Diablo 3.com Jokes Thread ( sorta like teh riddle thread)
    Damn well i gues i'm gonna have to keep the jokes thread alive than by posting some more.

    10 Husbands, Still a Virgin

    A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

    On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

    "What?" said the puzzled groom.

    "How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

    "Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

    Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

    Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

    Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

    Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

    Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

    Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

    Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.

    Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.

    Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

    "Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

    "You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"

    ABC's of ex girlfriends
    A
    is for Arteries.
    You know, the things that your ex-girlfriend ripped out because she really didn't care for you you twit she was only after your money and could have given a shit about you.

    B
    is for Bitter. Who, me?? No way. I really hope things between them do work out. I hope they get married and have 2 children that are little devils and her hips get huge and his eyebrows finally grow completely together and they get fat and old together and then DIE!!

    C
    is for Call ya later.She won't. She never has before.

    D
    is for Dumped. Does D need to be explained?

    E
    is for Eating like a pig. Remember when you took her out and she said "I'm not hungry" so you figured you could take her to a nice place because you were able to afford a nice meal at this fine restaurant. Then she ate more than your Uncle Roy (you remember Uncle Roy the one with the mustard stains on everything). So you flip the bill and are broke for the next two weeks and she wonders why you were unable to call her that week and go see movies.

    F
    is for Friends. That is what she just wants to be. As if you can even stand to look at her.

    G
    is for Gun. And yes there is a waiting period.

    H
    is for Horny. Remember when she looked nice and even had a personality? Well, you figure it out.

    I
    stands for I still hate her. Odds are I always will, unless she calls me and offers me favors.

    J
    stands for Jim. This is her new boyfriend. Doesn't Jim have a nice car ? Doesn't Jim have a good job? Why does Jim want to date her? I think Jim could do much better. I hate Jim. Jim is my mortal enemy.

    K
    stands for Kill.

    L
    is for Love. It's a great euphoric feeling that exists between two people and is shared upon by both parties.

    L
    is also for Lunatic. Lunatics are crazy. Lunatics are the last people that actually believe in love.

    M
    stands for Mephistophiles. That is who she worked for.

    N
    stands for Necropheliac. She didn't move very much, did she?

    O
    is for On top. When on top she has another O word.

    P
    is for Pill. She said she was on it. She lied. She is now sueing you for a few hundred bucks a month.

    Q
    is for Quitter. She couldn't last.

    R
    is for Rich little Bitch. She bought my love but I paid for it.

    S
    stands for Suffer. That's what she made me do.

    T
    is for torture. Torture is what she did. She tortured you with the truth. She also tortured you with lies.

    U
    is for Understatement. Saying you hate that bitch is an understatement.

    V
    is for Voluptuous. That is the primamry reason you were dating her in the first place.

    W
    stands for Whine. She was a pro at this.

    X
    is for Xylophone. Because X is always for xylophone.

    Y
    stands for You suck! Remember when she yelled that at you.

    Z
    stands for ZIPPER. This is what you got your hair stuck in while trying to get dressed too quickly while she yelled "QUICK! They're home!"

    .
    stands for period. Which is a couple of weeks late, because she lied to you about taking what P stands for. It also means you won't get any for a week.

    A Really Bad Day

    There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.

    Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."

    "No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."

    "I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."

    Needs

    Husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. The passion is heating up.

    But then the wife stops and says, "I don' t feel like it. I just want you to hold me."

    The husband says " WHAT???" The wife explains that he must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a woman.

    The husband realizes that nothing is going to happen tonight and he might as well deal with it.

    So the next day the husband takes her shopping at a big dept. store. He walks around and had her try on three very expensive outfits. And then tells his wife, We 'll take all three of them. Then goes over and gets matching shoes worth $200 each.

    And then goes to the jewelry Dept. and gets a set of diamond earrings. The wife is so excited (she thinks her husband has flipped out, but she does not care). She goes for the tennis bracelet.

    The husband says "but you don 't even play tennis, but OK if you like it then lets get it.'

    The wife is jumping up and down. So excited she cannot even believe what is going on. She says " I am ready to go, lets go to the cash register. "

    The husband says, " no no no, honey we're not going to buy all this stuff." The wife face goes blank.

    " No honey - I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while."

    Her face gets really red she is about to explode and then the husband says " You must not be in tune with my financial needs as a MAN!"

    Marriage Quotes By Men

    I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

    It's not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer.

    Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.

    A man was complaining to a friend: 'I had it all - money, a beautiful house,a big car, the love of a beautiful woman; then, Pow! it was all gone!' 'What happened?' asked the friend. 'My wife found out..'


    Wife: Let's go out and have some fun tonight. Husband: Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway light on.

    How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it to the couch.

    A man rushes into his house and yells to his wife, 'Martha, pack up your things! I just won the California lottery!' Martha replies, 'Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?' The man responds, 'I don't care. Just so long as you're out of the house by noon!'

    Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street bald and still think they are beautiful!

    I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months - I don't like to interrupt her.

    If your wife and a lawyer were drowning and you had to choose, would you go to lunch or to a movie?

    A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.
    Posted in: General Discussion (non-Diablo)
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    posted a message on Pictures not showing in Image Gallery
    Yea i noticed that too and I thought it was just a problem with my computer but I yea it gets tiring. Plus you can't really have that big of pics to begin with because the file size is alwasy too big.
    Posted in: Site Feedback
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    posted a message on Diablo 3.com Jokes Thread ( sorta like teh riddle thread)
    Nobody else has any jokes?
    Posted in: General Discussion (non-Diablo)
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    posted a message on World Of Warcraft: The Burning Crusade
    Yea i noticed that too. Although i didn't even know he could use them to fly ha. But all in all a pretty good trailer and I reckon many a WoWer will be counting down the days.
    Posted in: Warcraft & WoW
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    posted a message on World Of Warcraft: The Burning Crusade
    I actually saw that at the VGAs and it looked very good considering i don't play WoW and refuse too (but that doesn't matter). It's deffinatly an improvement from the trailer that was shown for the first WoW.

    BTW was that Illidan that was doing the narration?
    Posted in: Warcraft & WoW
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    posted a message on Diablo 3.com Jokes Thread ( sorta like teh riddle thread)
    Impossible to Please

    A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.

    The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside."

    So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the men on this floor are short and plain." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.

    The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here are short and handsome." Still, this isn't good enough, so the friends continue on up.

    They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men here are tall and plain."

    They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up.

    On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: "All the men here are tall and handsome." The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor.

    There they find a sign that reads: “There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman.”


    Who Says Men Don't Remember Anniversaries

    A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed.

    She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front him. He appears deep in thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of coffee.

    "What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room. "Why are you down here at this time of night?"

    The husband looks up, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and
    you were only 17?" he asks solemnly.

    The wife is touched thinking her husband is so caring and sensitive. "Yes, I do," she replies.

    The husband pauses. The words are not coming easily. "Do you remember when
    you father caught us in the back seat of my car?"

    "Yes, I remember," says the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

    The husband continues..."Do you remember when he shoved a shotgun in my face and said, "Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years".
    "I remember that too", she replies softly.

    He wipes another tear from his cheek and says... "I would have gotten out today!"

    Social Security

    A retired gentleman went to the social security office to apply for Social Security.

    The woman behind the counter asked him for his driver's license to verify his age. He looked in his pockets and realized he had left his wallet at home. He told the woman that he was very sorry but he seemed to have left his wallet at home. "I will have to go home and come back later." The woman says, "Unbutton your shirt." So he opens his shirt revealing curly silver hair. She says, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me" and she processed his Social Security application.

    When he gets home, the man excitedly tells his wife about his experience at the social security office. She says, "You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability too."

    Money Talks!

    During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the pastor with an unusual offer:

    "Look, I'll give you $100 if you'll change the wedding vows. When you get to the part where I'm supposed to promise to 'love, honor and obey' and 'be faithful to her forever,' I'd appreciate it if you'd just leave that out."

    He passed the minister a $100 bill and walked away satisfied.

    On the day of the wedding, when it came time for the groom's vows, the pastor looked the young man in the eye and said: "Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life, and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?"

    The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, "Yes," then leaned toward the pastor and hissed: "I thought we had a deal."

    The pastor put a $100 bill into the groom's hand and whispered: "She made me a better offer."

    My Rules

    Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:

    "I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want-and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?"

    His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night.. whether you're here or not

    Two Cannibals

    Two cannibals, a father and son, were elected by the tribe to go out and get something to eat. They walked deep into the jungle and waited by a path.

    Before long, along came this little old man. The son said, "Ooh dad, there's one." "No," said the father. "There's not enough meat on that one to even feed the dogs. We'll just wait."

    Well, a little while later, along came this really fat man. The son said, "Hey dad, he's plenty big enough." "No," the father said. "We'd all die of a heart attack from the fat in that one. We'll just wait."

    About an hour later, here comes this absolutely gorgeous woman.

    The son said, "Now there's nothing wrong with that one dad. Let's eat her."

    "No," said the father. "We'll not eat her either."

    "Why not?" asked the son.

    "Because, we're going to take her back alive and eat your mother."

    Jonah and the Whale

    A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.

    The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though they were a very large mammal their throat was very small.

    The little girl stated Jonah was swallowed by a whale.

    The teacher reiterated a whale could not
    swallow a human; it was impossible.

    The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah."

    The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"

    The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."
    Posted in: General Discussion (non-Diablo)
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    posted a message on Sony Playstation 3 Thread
    Quote from name="dub Lucifer" »
    As a proud owner of ps3 and xbox360, I gotta say overall I am far more impressed with the xbox 360 simply because of the networking. Free online ps3 comes with a heavy burden, it lags and crashes quite frequently which makes it impossible to enjoy. Bill gates has plans to wipe out all future competition with the next gen console. About 1-2 years after the release of Halo3 (which btw is going to own all games, Except Diablo3 of course) A new microsoft console will be hitting the shelves, and owning all. Mark my words.
    P.s the nintendo Wii has got to be the funnest damn thing I ever played with friends or family but It can be seriously hard to get into single player. I have always been a loyal nintendo fan, but bill gates the golden god is just to damn good.

    I completely agree with you on the free online part. They give you free online but they don't invest any of their time into it. Hell i've even seen some people use game sharks online, now that's just bad. There were only a few games that i would buy the PS3 for (which in my canadian town is riduciously(sp?) overpriced at 750$) and those are FF7 remake or just redone with better graphics and nothing changed, FFXIII but i don't know anymore, maybe another Onimusha. And I don't know if you guys know this yet, but it seems that the Blue Ray will completely bomb. Why would anyone want to have to go out and purchase a whole blue ray collection when they already have so many DVD's? It just doesn't make sense.
    On a side note, the Wii looks to be very fun. Plus the new Zelda looks friggin awesome and the whole controller concept looks good too.
    Posted in: General Discussion (non-Diablo)
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    posted a message on how you got your username for this site
    Well you have your army of 92 Darkjay and your axe, I have The One to do my bidding.
    Posted in: General Discussion (non-Diablo)
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    posted a message on Frozen throne.
    Yup that's true. I really hated when they started doing the edit of their things to make host so good. Same thing happened with lots of mauls where there would be rigged stuff. That's most likely why people enjoy DOTA and Enfos more because they can't be edited by anyone except the orginal creator.
    Posted in: Warcraft & WoW
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    posted a message on Diablo 3.com Jokes Thread ( sorta like teh riddle thread)
    Last Day on the JobIt was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood.

    When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope.

    At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars.

    The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.

    At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee.

    She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door, and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced.

    When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast, eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh squeezed orange juice.

    When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee.

    As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge. "All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the dollar for?"

    "Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you."

    He said, "Fuck him, give him a dollar."

    The lady then said, "The breakfast was my idea."
    The bride tells her husbandThe bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know
    anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?"

    "OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the
    prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is: put the
    prisoner in the prison.

    And then they made love for the first time.

    Afterwards, the guy is lying face up on the bed, smiling with satisfaction.

    Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped."

    Turning on his side, he smiles. "Then we will have to re-imprison him."

    After the second time they spent, the guy reaches for his cigarettes but
    the girl, thoroughly enjoying the new experience of making love, gives him
    a suggestive smile, "Honey, the prisoner is out again!"

    The man rises to the occasion, but with the unsteady legs of a recently
    born foal.

    Afterwards, he lays back on the bed, totally exhausted.

    She nudges him and says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped again."

    Limply turning his head, He YELLS at her, "Hey, its not a life sentence,
    OKAY!Church BellsOn hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year old grandmother and comfort her.

    When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."

    Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.

    "Oh no, my dear, " replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong."

    She paused, wiped away a tear and then continued, "And if that damned ice cream truck hadn't come along, he'd still be alive today!"Proud Texan FatherA Texan bought a round of drinks for all in the bar and said that his wife had just produced "a typical Texas baby" weighing twenty pounds.

    Two weeks later he returned to the bar. The bartender recognized him and asked, "Aren't you the father of the typical Texas baby that weighed twenty pounds at birth?"

    "Yup, shore am!"

    "How much does he weigh now?"

    The proud father answered, "Ten pounds."

    The bartender said, "Why, what happened? He did weigh twenty pounds."

    The proud Texas father said, "Jest had him circumcised!"I Thought You Were My WifeA completely inebriated man walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her, placed his hand up
    her skirt and began fondling her.

    She jumped up and slapped him silly.

    He immediately apologized and explained, "I'm sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her."

    "Why you drunken, worthless, insufferable son of a BITCH!" she screamed.

    "Funny," he muttered, "you even sound exactly like her."
    Posted in: General Discussion (non-Diablo)
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    posted a message on Greetings Everyone
    Welcome to the site and hopefully it will be usefull when we finally find some more D3 info but check some of the old threads because they do show some hopeful signs. Yea but anyways welcome and enjoy your stay.
    Posted in: Introduction
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    posted a message on Diablo 3.com Jokes Thread ( sorta like teh riddle thread)
    Ha those were awesome.
    Here's some old fashion Yo Momma jokes.

    Haunted houseYo mama is so ugly she walked into a huanted house and came out with an application.

    Let there be light!Your mamma is so fat, when God said let there be light,she had to move!

    So FatYo mamma's so fat, when she wears a red dress, the kids in the neighborhood yell, "Hey, Kool-Aid!"

    Yo mamma's so fat, when she sat on a rainbow, skittles popped out.

    Yo mamma's so fat, even God couldn't lift her spirits!

    Yo mamma's so fat, she has her own zip code!

    Yo mamma's so fat, it takes a train and two buses to get on her good side.

    Yo mamma's so fat, when she stepped in the road and I tried to swerve around her, I ran out of gas!

    Yo mamma's so fat, when she walked in front of the TV, I missed five minutes of the show!

    Yo mamma's so fat, when she walked into a room, someone said, "Woah! Was that a solar eclipse or did Free Willie just walk in?

    Yo mamma's so fat, when she walked into a hotel and asked for a water bed, they put a blanket over the ocean!

    Yo mamma's so fat, she rents shade!

    Yo mamma's so fat, she invented the lowrider!

    Yo mamma's so fat, she tripped over K-Mart, stumbled over Wal-Mart and landed on Target!

    Yo mamma's so fat, when she puts on high heels in the morning, by the afternoon they're flats.

    Yo mamma's so fat, her picture weighs ten pounds.

    Yo mamma's so fat, she tripped over a rock and fell asleep trying to get up!

    Yo mamma's so fat, when she stepped on a scale, it said, "to be continued."

    Yo mamma's so fat, when she wears a yellow coat, people run after her yelling "taxi!"

    Yo mamma's so fat, she's on both sides of the family.

    So StupidYo mamma's so stupid, she climbed a glass wall to see what was on the other side.

    Yo mamma's so stupid, it took her ten minutes to cook Minute Rice.

    Yo mamma's so stupid, she stared at a Ford for an hour because it said "Focus."

    Yo mamma's so stupid, she got locked in a supermarket for a night and starved to death.

    Yo mamma's so stupid, she tripped over a cordless phone.

    Yo mamma's so stupid, she got hit by a parked car.

    So UglyYo mamma's so ugly, your daddy took her to work so he wouldn't have to kiss her goodbye.

    Yo mamma's so ugly, she got beat with the ugly stick.

    Yo mamma's so ugly, kid's go as her for Halloween.

    Yo mamma's so ugly, when she was a kid, she didn't have to wear a costume for Halloween

    Yo mamma's so ugly, when she went into the haunted house, and came out with a job application.

    Yo mamma's so ugly, she scares away roaches.

    To Be ContinuedUr Momma So Fat wen she stands on weighing scales it Reads to be continued.
    Posted in: General Discussion (non-Diablo)
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    posted a message on how you got your username for this site
    I basically took morfias spelled like this instead of morpheus in honor of my dead cousin. He got me into Diablo in the first place and it was his original chars name until he passed away at the age of 17 (R.I.P). So basically every single account i own is named morfias.
    Posted in: General Discussion (non-Diablo)
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    posted a message on Here's what happened after the heroes defeating Baal
    I think he's saying that you should give a short story of what happens to the NPC's after Baal. ie: Cain, Charsie, or Tyrael.
    Posted in: Lore & Storyline
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    posted a message on Diablo 3.com Jokes Thread ( sorta like teh riddle thread)
    Those were pretty funny Carloseus
    Here's some more:
    Birthday PresentA wife decides to take her husband to a strip club for his birthday.

    They arrive at the club and the doorman says, "Hey, Dave! How ya doin'?"

    His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.
    "Oh, no," says Dave. "He's on my bowling team."

    When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.

    His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says,"How did she know that you drink Budweiser?"

    "She's in the Ladies' Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them."

    A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Dave, and says "Hi Davey. Want your usual table dance, big boy?"

    Dave's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.

    Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. He tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it. She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every name in the book.

    The cabby turns his head and says, "Looks like you picked up a real bitch tonight, Dave."
    The TigerA couple was on their honeymoon, lying in bed, about ready to consummate their marriage, when the new bride says to the husband, "I have a confession to make, I'm not a virgin."

    The husband replies, "That's no big thing in this day and age."

    The wife continues, "Yeah, I've been with one guy."

    "Oh yeah? Who was the guy?"

    "Tiger Woods."

    "Tiger Woods, the golfer?"

    "Yeah."

    "Well, he's rich, famous and handsome. I can see why you went to bed with him."

    The husband and wife then make passionate love.

    When they are done, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone.

    "What are you doing?" asks the wife.

    The husband says, "I'm hungry, I was going to call room service and get something to eat."

    "Tiger wouldn't do that."

    "Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"

    "He'd come back to bed and do it a second time."

    The husband puts down the phone and goes back to bed to make love a second time.

    When they finish, he gets up and goes over to the phone. "Now what are you doing?" she asks.

    The husband says, "I'm still hungry so I was going to get room service to get something to eat."

    "Tiger wouldn't do that."

    "Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"

    "He'd come back to bed and do it again."

    The guy slams down the phone, goes back to bed, and makes love one more time.

    When they finish he's tired and beat. He drags himself over to the phone and starts to dial.

    The wife asks, "Are you calling room service?"

    "No! I'm calling Tiger Woods, to find out what the par is for this damn hole."Poor guyA man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

    He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:

    "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

    To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"
    Posted in: General Discussion (non-Diablo)
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