DiabloFans

so he wasn't perusing more focus? I thought since that is where arianna pointed out was his weakness, that was what he was trying to improve.

I will give you some more precise critique when I have more time.

For now, my favorite paragraph was this one:

Arianna stood at the camp’s gates in the early morning waiting for Jethera’s return. She sipped slowly on her hot tea, cupping it in both of her hands, capturing the warmth that it gave off. Dreadlands morning were chilling cold, Arianna had wrapped herself in additional clothing, covering her face. She blew on the tea again, taking another long sip. She lowered the cup back down to see the silhouette of a figure in the morning fog. Setting the tea down on the wooden guard stand next to the gate she drew her weapons. The figure stepped out of the fog to reveal itself as Jethera. She put her weapons back to her sides and ran toward him. His cloak was bloodstained and thrown over his shoulder was a string of demon heads, eight in all. He was limping slightly, one bow pistol still in hand, as Arianna met up with him.

It just reads so well and paints a picture.

One thing I will say for now is to try to give each character a different voice. They all have the same speech patterns and vocabulary. Something as simple as Arianna not using contractions can help separate her from Jethera. The Barbs could have an accent by saying things like "aye" instead of "yes". or using slang or saying 'bout instead of about. Those small things can help distinguish the characters and make the reading flow better.

Also, I am a but confused how becoming a demon gave Jethera more focus. It made him stronger but only fueled the rage he seemed to already have.

I think you should go back through it and read it. I think you would find a lot of the typos and grammar issues yourself.

So far, all I have read is the intro. I assume you are trying to get across the point that Jethera is more focused on the hatred than discipline side of things. If so, I think this could use some clarification. I think something as simple as: When he closed his eyes, all he could focus on was the demons that destroyed his life. The wooden targets morphed into the demonic possessions that once attacked him physically, still attacking his mentally.

Maybe allude to what happened to him to become a DH before you actually tell us what happened.

Also, adding in times where maybe he cuts off Arianna's speech would help exemplify his brashness or frustration.

I'll try to read more later but I have my own story to write.