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Reading right now.

“Hmm,” Volkan stroked his beard a moment as he became somewhat distracted by the storm clouds overhead. Saadet stood patiently.”
Need to remove that last quotation mark.

Saadet was unsure of the status of her order. She had been operating solely for an extended period of time.
Operating alone.

edit: too tired, must sleep

True, the book lore backs up that their tools are made of bone, though it's not ever told if it's standard, or if Zayl and Kara's knives were special to them, and not standard issue (or whatever you would call it) Necromancer equipment.

But, yeah a different material would help the idea that he's a rogue necromancer.
However, then you have to wonder if the different material would work as well as bone? Obviously bone tools are very close to the Necromancers, since they work with dead tissue. So one would have to wonder if a different material would work as well.

However, bone would be more related to Skeleton necromancers, yours seems to favor Golems thus far, perhaps having an alternate material dagger would show that he has forsaken the use of multiple skeletal minions, and instead relies on his persistent golem?

Though, then it would make much more sense to have a more earthen material, or a metal golem.

Fuck, I dunno.

I've actually never read the books with Zayl in them, though I've heard very good things.

Why not some other material?

Obsidian would be kinda cool, though archaic and a bit cliche (being black n' all). Maybe a Bronze dagger hardened through magic? For some reason I also see that meshing very well with his Clay Golem companion, may be the similar colours (earthen colours and the yellow-orange of the Bronze).

Yar, perhaps it would be a good idea to keep it as is as a nod towards Kara? Further down in the story you could connect the two somehow, or some shit. I dunno.

Ah... no, now I see how you intended it to be read, but the first time I saw it I almost read them as two separate sentences.

An amalgamation of dirt, rocks, and clay, the golem only resembled the human form.
Pretty sure you need a colon or a semi-colon between the list and the description of the golem, a comma just sounds wrong, y'know?


To many on the outside of his order, it was considered a mockery of mortal beings
To many outside his order...

But I can feel it headed this way at least…
But I can feel it headed this way...

You may want to change the dagger he uses, as an Ivory dagger was also used by the protagonist in the first Diablo book, I'll be damned if I can remember it's name but she was also a necromancer. Maybe change it to obsidian or bone or some shit?

Also, good chapter :D.

.... WELL FUCK YOU IVARON!!

Iuno, it just sounds wrong to flow so quickly through that sentence without a pause, maybe throw a comma after "and with it".
Fuck, I dunno, it's just the way I read things :/

Damn dude, that was actually a really good read.
Also like the nod towards the assassin with the very last line :D.

Gimme a heads up when the next part is up, I definitely want to read it over, will provide feedback again if you want it.


Feedback N' Such

In the first paragraph, maybe choose a different word than "viable", it works, but it just doesn't flow, y'know?

After the crane fails, perhaps change it to "sprinted", instead of "went sprinting", again, the latter just doesn't seem to flow.

Part two- Right off the bat when you're talking about the amount of caravans "these did not include even" sounds wrong, perhaps change it to "these 70 did not even include".

Remove "quite frankly to Aras", and just have "To Aras", the former sounds unnecessarily wordy.

"With a heavy sigh, Aras looked out his office window as the sun was rising again and with it the heat.", could use a comma between "was rising again", "and with it the heat"

"At the head of the group sat a battle worn old man, his face obscured mostly by his gray beard", swap positions of obscured and mostly, so it reads "mostly obscured"

“Beyond our prestigious Guild’s mercenaries, I am certain they have mages within their ranks that could do such things in the realm of fire and water.” Almost sounds as if he's saying mages could carve a patch through fire and water, change to "do such things with fire and water".

Whatever remains in our world is precariously held onto by fringe groups who are falling rapidly falling to the Light each day.” Remove the first falling, I'm assuming this was a typo? Possibly even change "Light" to inquisition, or something like that.