Fan Fiction Title: A Great Recruitment Policy
Part/Chapter: The story in its entirety
Score: 7/10
Review: While certainly being packed with both great and grim action scenes, "A Great Recruitment Policy" lacks believable characters and scenes. I, for one, disliked how the protagonist had the emotional depth of a puddle, and the intelligence of a rock. It just makes it difficult for me to bond with the main character. Maybe after fighting through a cave of demons, the character would become more and more cautious? Perhaps, for your next story, you could also work on describing the setting a little more. In my minds eye, I found Zelata to be little more than a collection of huts with a large house in the middle. In summary, you had great, vivid action scenes - but need to work a bit more on your writing.
A nice beginning.
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Part/Chapter: The story in its entirety
Score: 7/10
Review: While certainly being packed with both great and grim action scenes, "A Great Recruitment Policy" lacks believable characters and scenes. I, for one, disliked how the protagonist had the emotional depth of a puddle, and the intelligence of a rock. It just makes it difficult for me to bond with the main character. Maybe after fighting through a cave of demons, the character would become more and more cautious? Perhaps, for your next story, you could also work on describing the setting a little more. In my minds eye, I found Zelata to be little more than a collection of huts with a large house in the middle. In summary, you had great, vivid action scenes - but need to work a bit more on your writing.
A nice beginning.