I never figured I'd be posting this on a forum like this, but there's no harm in being honest, so I'll tell you!
I didn't always feel great waking up each day. In fact, just a few years ago, I absolutely hated life. Things get shitty, and I felt like I just had to deal with it that way. I'm bipolar, have huge social anxiety, and that makes anything I have to do that involves leaving my room extremely shitty. The only thing that was keeping me going over the years was my dog, which sometimes wasn't enough.
About my dog - He's a Shetland Sheepdog named Turner. He's 7 years old now. I love him more than anything, he's pretty much my best friend. He's never let me down, and isn't going to screw me over. What does he have in life to be happy about? Pretty much, me. He depends on me to give him a good life, which is always what I told myself any time I thought about ending everything. I still have to tell myself that sometimes.
I've changed in the last year or so though, I decided to take control of my life a bit more and stop being a pussy. I stopped caring so much what other people think. Things won't get better if I hibernate in my room forever. Things sure aren't perfect now, but I have a better way of looking at things now, and know that things will be better. The worse thing that can happen to me is I lose everything I have, am homeless on the street, and eventually die. It doesn't sound too bad to me when I think that all I wanted was to die in the first place.
Plus I've actually been excited about things lately (Diablo III one of them!) so I kind of want to stick around for a bit!
1.) Music. I know that's a pretty cliche response, but music, for me, is a constant reminder of the great that mankind can do; something as pure as musical thought and the ability to convey emotion through sound and language is one of the reasons I'm glad to be a part of this world. I wake up to music and I'm usually plugged in almost all day. I just can't be without it.
2.) Love. That's also another cliche response, but I'm always comforted by the fact that, at this present moment, there are many people that I can call "family;" brothers, sisters, friends, mothers, fathers. This kind of familial warmth is something I anticipate in the morning and it always keeps me going no matter how sad I may get on a given day.
3.) The future. I am an optimist at heart and I always try to have a positive outlook on my life and who I may grow up to be, who's lives I can affect positively, and the family I hope the raise and be a part of when I'm older. I have hopes and ambitions and I know, in my heart, that I would give anything to accomplish them and looking forward to that, most of the time, makes me glad to be alive.
Also, I always find that I can't begin the day unless I can get out of bed. Every day is precious and laying around in bed (unless you're sick, of course) is a waste of a potentially great day.
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I hate the way you cling to ignorance and pass it off as innocence
my family, to know that i need to be there for my family, just as much as they need me.
This!! I have 3 amazing kids and the best wife EVER!!! Having my youngest son jump out of bed and race to the door in the mornings to give me a hug before I go to work melts my heart every single time.
@tankodiablo, Thanks for your service to our country
I actually hate to sleep in general because I enjoy life so much, I'm not rich, I have to work hard, and I don't always get everything I want but for some reason I just really like being here, and participating and doing the things I do.
I really enjoy every minute of it, even the shitty stuff, its all in perspective I think.
I don't feel aces every day, and there are some which tend to be hard to withstand, but family and friends always cheer me up without even knowing, and the forums always have something funny to read, get a laugh or two. Gamming has helped me quite some too, i did find i needed some balance to make it work, all the diablo hype and the awesome times i know i'll get out of it. I also have some epic clases i have to take this next months. There always something to look forward to.
Quote from quotename="Micky Neilson" »
"No matter how much demons may destroy, they will never destory hope"
from Demon Hunter: Hatred and Discipline
extending the metaphore, you'll never know what can drop in a day, so you'd better live it and find out.
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"Click on everything that moves until it blows up in bloody chunks and treasure"
I wasn't bullied much in school. I was the really quiet kid who didn't talk to anyone and everyone ignored me. There were very few cases where I felt someone was picking on me while at school, I guess I am fortunate that way.
Where I was bullied though was at home, mostly by my mom. She is still like that today but I have learned to completely ignore her because she is trying to get a rise out of me. Once I understood that the reason she is such a b!tch toward me is because of her own problems and she needs someone to take it out on, I learned to deal with it and not feed into her shit. She's treated me that way for as long as I can remember though, which has really screwed me over in a lot of ways. Probably a reason for my social anxiety and mistrust and crap.
I have a hard time getting out of bed every day. I manage now, but it used to be much worse. The big reason I find it hard is the lack of conviction to my life. Everyday I wake up not knowing if what I am doing is going to make me happier later in life. The worst thing I think about is making it to the end and being disappointed that I never accomplished what I wanted to.
I think the best advice I could give to someone in a similar situation, is to find what makes you happy. Don't say you've never been happy cause that would be a lie. Truely look at yourself and your past and think about it. It could be something as simple as an art form, or a sport. It could be something as simple as a hobby. Take that and make goals for yourself. WRITE THEM DOWN! Place them in areas where you can read them everyday multiple times a day. Maybe you need to practice, or work for money to support the hobby. Maybe its working out or some other self improvement. But make sure you think about it throughout the day.
For me, my endgame consists of owning a home, having a wife and kids. I want the American dream. That is what I think will make me happy. Family that cares about me as much as I care for them. I want to own property and be able to afford to do anything for my wife and kids. So my goals are to work hard, learn new trades, keep myself healthy, to better my chances of finding a good girl and keep myself busy.
All the time throughout school. During the summer, I would spend time with my mother and step dad and that was a terrible household. Both were drunks and drug addicts and I was "bullied" there as well you may say. I love the nature vs nurture debate and will always side with nurture. But I think I turned out pretty good given my situation.
@ssdd87 That's kind of what I'm like. I keep thinking about what I want down the road... I don't think I'll ever have a family, not really interested in it, but I definitely want to own my own house/property, and live comfortable doing something I love to do. It took me years to finally get the courage to take the leap toward working toward that goal. I think I'm finally on the right track... It will take a while, but I'm at least moving forward instead of sitting around every day being miserable.
It's nice to have goals to work toward and dream of achieving some day. I guess that's what really gets me motivated these days.
What keeps me going? The fact that there are people around me who would be very hurt if I decide to stop going. That would be selfish.
I used to think the exact same thing. My first girlfriend attempted to commit suicide on a few occasions. I say attempted because anyone that really wants to, won't fail. She was just trying to get people's attention. But I digress. You must understand, that saying it's "selfish" is a very judgmental attitude. The person that is thinking about suicide is being selfish by a happy person's point of view, but to them they are just scared and tired. They are looking for relief in the last place they want to. Nobody really wants to die, they want relief from whatever is causing them stress and sorrow. People that want to commit suicide are in all accounts "unhealthy". I don't mean to affend by saying that, but I believe thoughts of suicide come from an unhealthy lifestyle and mind. (I've been there) Saying they are being selfish is like calling a person with down syndrome a retard. Its not fair to judge them for their feelings.