try talking to her man, ask her nicely. TALK to her, not ARGUE. try to understand why she did it. and ask yourself what you would've done if a chick that older than you came and did all those things to you... yes it is sick, but nobody's perfect...
if you see that you simply cannot talk reasonably to her, don't bother. if it means that much to you, just break up and it's all over.
talking can make a lot of things better. I personally LOVE talking to people maybe more than some people themselves...
is she like that still? if she is... you're wasting your time with and will just end hurt big time.
We do talk about it a lot, but every time I bring it up she just ends up being all, "I know it was wrong, why do you have to remind me everyday of how I'm such a bad person and all the bad things I have done?"
And, even though I'm a horny teenage guy, I still wouldn't do that.
And no, she's not like that, I asked her to stop doing everything "bad" like drinking and masturbating, and I guess she has, except for yesterday, she was in the jacuzzi, with the jets, for an hour..... and yeah, four times... I don't even know why that makes me feel bad, but it does. I guess I've just got major issues...
Quote from "cheebalover" »
as long as he didnt fuck her its ok..i mean she was little experimenting and there is nothing wrong with that..i am quite conservative and wouldnt have problem with that!
get it off your mind and enjoy your time with your girlfriend!
But don't you think that's kind of like, whorish?... Like, ever since I found, which was like two weeks after we started making out, I just don't respect her as much. Isn't that justified, I mean, she choose to take her shirt off for a 17 year old who she met that day, you're telling me that's okay?
wait... you're both 14? and she's female? it's strange to me because I know guys masturbate but girls at that age? aren't they afraid of popping the cherry? I'm 18 btw and I consider myself still young but girls here just don't do it... not that someone's forbidding them but they just don't...
as for you, maybe you kinda feel that you cannot satisfy her and that's why you feel bad
Her cherry has been popped, I mean, it was bound to happen, with tampons, and she used to ride horses...
But she's been doing it since she was eight, so yeah, I personally don't like it, but yeah... I know I can pleasure her, as long as she doesn't lie to me, which I don't think she did, once she told me that it felt the best ever, even better than when she did it to herself, and she sounded serious. So I'm pretty sure I can pleasure her fine. And I don't mind it if I know she's doing it, like on the phone I don't care if she does it. But, just, not if I'm not aware of it...
I think teen years are the hardest years to live, everything is so intense, hormones and emotions rule everything, what other people think matter more than they should and when you like someone... well you might as well take your brain out of head and put it on the shelf. If they betray your trust, then you have to find a way through that cold pill.
Times like that, I go outside and look at the trees and ask; 'Are these trees stressing out?'
The answer is, of course not.
I look at the birds and ask; 'Are these birds any more panicked today than they we're yesterday?
The answer is, of course not.
I look at the sun (or moon depending) and ask; ‘Is the Sun moving any faster now than it did yesterday?’
The answer is, of course not.
Then I realize it’s just my head, my internal committee that is in overdrive, that in reality I’m just standing there outside and nothing is really happening except my head is working on me.
The best cure is finding someone with a bigger problem than I have and trying to help them at times like that. Then mine seem less important for a little bit, I find my center again and feel good about helping someone else.
If you haven’t seen 'Forest Gump' rent it, smart people think too much.
Hmm she's masturbating since she was 8... she has had some serious making-out at 13 with a 17 y. o. guy... and it upsets you, I can guess why. You're not as sex-obsessed as she is, and this is not balanced.
The guy can be more obsessed than the girl, but not the other way around or it's screwed up : the female takes the lead.
I think you're kinda too much focussing on the "it's wrong" side (and she replies to you with the "ok i'm a bad person i did bad things, please stop making me feel bad").
This talk doesnt help much. It helps you expressing your feelings and ideas about this, that's granted. But beyond that it doesnt help solving the issue.
Blaming someone is a sure recipe for misunderstanding and enstrangement.
It's not about her being bad and doing wrong things.
Nobody is to blame here, and the more you blame someone or yourself, the more you'll have to do blameable things in order to balance yourself.
The thing is, as I described it, that she is sex-obsessed, moreso than you are. This unbalances your relationship, making you the receptive part and her the active part. You, as the boy, should be the one pushing for more sex, not the one having trouble following her lead.
This is understandbly upsetting and unsettling for you, no doubt.
What you need is to gain the lead back. Blaming her and calling her bad is an attempt at achieving this, but I'd advise you to refine this. It won't work well, playing the authority moral figure will corner you into a parental role, the kind of boring one that she will want to get out the influence of sooner or later.
You got to show understanding, and more importantly you got to feel good about yourself in your relationship with her.
What high ground can you take in relation to her?
What can you or what do you already bring her that she needs?
You can be her lead although she's more sex-crazed than you are, no doubt about that. But you need some definite and clear qualities that she needs to rely on.
By the way, once you've stopped making her feel bad and ashamed, maybe you'll be able to learn more about what she did (or does) when you're not around.
Be very clear about what you feel. As a general advice for any relationship issue, expressing your emotions sincerely, thoroughly and without pressuring the other one is a golden rule for solving so many tensions in life. This alone can help you get your boyish lead back. Dont whine of course, but express your feelings deeply, with respect for you and your girl. And of course, you gotta be a man in her life, whom she can rely on, whom she needs.
Have fun BTW... you're in the golden years of sweet love and hope in life.
Also you have a killer empathy ability that very very few people keep on through their adulthood.
She's not more sex-crazed than me, she's just more... Umm, willing to do those things, with... other people... I mean, with her I'm the one trying to get her to do stuff, but I've only ever done that with one other girl. It seems that as long as I like them enough I'm fine with it, although the first kiss is a bitch, she did pressure me into that... I mean, her morals seem to be messed up, she just doesn't understand stuff enough, she's fine with drinking, but smoking pot, she would kill me if I tried it. She doesn't know why, when I used to ask her she would just say something about it being illegal and it being that way for a reason, but the truth is she doesn't know why. When you later present her facts she just brushes them off. And then she always refers to studies, she doesn't show me them, she just says "No, they did a study." Ehh, whatever enough of my bitching =]. She's just so blind to some stuff, and it really pisses me off. anyway, that's for the long post. I found it to be very thought-out and intellegent.
well I share her opinion. but unlike her, I know why, so maybe this will help you understand
I would never try to use pot because it damages your health. drinking does too but if you don't drink much it is even healthy. I drink very rarely, maybe once a month and I drink a beer maybe two. but whenever you smoke a pot it damages your health and if you get hooked you're as good as dead imo
Except for alcohol is more addictive than pot...
And you said that if you don't drink much it is healthy, while that might be true, it's not even yet proven. Plus, drinkning alone doesn't give you those effects, it's a combination of drinking and eating healthy that give you those effects. So drinking alone is still bad for you in my mind, I think that wine is fine every once in a while, just a glass. But it is much healthier than beer and other forms of alcohol. And how does pot damage your health? Just the smoke, that's pretty petty if you ask me, becuase then I just take staright up THC and it's fine for you?
I lost years to both, trying to convince people to not do drugs is futile, alcohol included. It's something I'm sorry to say must be learned the hard way.
It all depends on your threshold for pain, when the pleasure stops out weighing the pain, then people start to listen.
I'm confused. It seemed like you said she did this before she began dating you... in which case, where's the loyalty problem?
You seem to keep switching facts around. First it was a year and half ago, then two years, then a year and a half again. (Unless you just had poor sentence structure and that confused me).
I'm confused. It seemed like you said she did this before she began dating you... in which case, where's the loyalty problem?
You seem to keep switching facts around. First it was a year and half ago, then two years, then a year and a half again. (Unless you just had poor sentence structure and that confused me).
Well, I don't know let me try and do the math. It was 20 months ago, sorry that I couldn't give you an exact date... And it's not a loyalty problem, it's more of a respect problem for me, I just can't believe that someone like her would do something like that.
Well, I don't know let me try and do the math. It was 20 months ago, sorry that I couldn't give you an exact date... And it's not a loyalty problem, it's more of a respect problem for me, I just can't believe that someone like her would do something like that.
The necro thread says 2 months =]
Okay, now, in case anyone cares;
This is hard for me to understand, so I'm sure it will be even harder for me to explain. It was a lie. She never made out with him. All they did was pass notes, and he kissed her on the cheek goodbye. I don't quite understand how it all got started. Something about her cousin got mad at her roommate and the roommate did stuff with some guy. She then posted that stuff on my GF's AIM, thinking it was her roommate's. My GF thought that I read that, and that's why she said she did it. IDK why... So please don't ask for clarification. At first I was happy, now, I don't know... I have so many questions I need to ask her, her logic just seems flawed wheter she did it or not.
likwidsteel that doesn't really surprise at all. that's why i said in my first post
I think teen years are the hardest years to live, everything is so intense, hormones and emotions rule everything, what other people think matter more than they should and when you like someone... well you might as well take your brain out of head and put it on the shelf.
It's just a very hard period in life, you'll look back 10 to 15 years from now and half of you will miss this time, the other half will be glad it's gone. More than that you will fully realize just how lucky you are to have survived. I did so much stupid shit at that age I should have died at least 100 times.
likwidsteel that doesn't really surprise at all. that's why i said in my first post
It's just a very hard period in life, you'll look back 10 to 15 years from now and half of you will miss this time, the other half will be glad it's gone. More than that you will fully realize just how lucky you are to have survived. I did so much stupid shit at that age I should have died at least 100 times.
Ahh, but I' so damned confused. Seriously the past three months have been hell. Now I just, idk... Confusing... I just don't understand why the fuck I had to go through all of that. I think she wants me to suffer... =]
Take a day to yourself, walk through a park, listen to the birds chirping, watch the wind float through the trees, and simply calm yourself. Collect all your thoughts together, and talk to her in a calm and cool and collected manner. Don't go off screaming, understand that mistakes are ok. We all make them. And don't be afraid to cry.
Ahh, but I' so damned confused. Seriously the past three months have been hell. Now I just, idk... Confusing... I just don't understand why the fuck I had to go through all of that. I think she wants me to suffer... =]
Welcome to women, that doesn't change as you get older. Men have the ability to compartmentalize our problems, we just shut the door if we don't want to deal with issues. Women however have one thing wrong in their mental space and their life is a wreck. A wise man once told me men give love to have sex, women give sex to have love. Remember negative attention is better than no attention at all, and sometimes women do weird crap to find out if you care, insecurity you know.
We're wired differently, the moment you act like you don't care is when she will care (and when other women come out of the wood works and notice you) and then she will want you more because someone else does. Women frequently date jerks so they can fix them. Moral of the story don't try to understand them. Just play it easy and calm, when they start doing weird stuff, just let them know until they are done you'll be at home catching up on some good TV.
The phone will ring by time you get home. Watch a movie called Nine 1/2 weeks and then you'll know just how jacked up women are, women went nuts for that flick and all wanted to have that kind of relationship after it came out. Female hormones are whacked, be glad you are guy.
Wish I could have seen this earlier to give my input.
First off, it's not a lie. She is definately telling you it was her friend just to get your mind off of it. She probably doesn't think its a big deal, but when she told you, it freaked you out a bit. She was hoping you would say it doesn't matter, but you didn't and now she is trying to cover.
Second, she did this at 12 with a 17 year old, that is molestation. I can almost guarantee that this isn't the first time. She probably was molested by an uncle when she was really young and it messed up her wiring. Now she needs this kind of stimulation. In order for her to get over it, she will need therapy.
This is coming from a guy who's girlfriend was molested when she was 5. No, there wasn't any penetration, and she didn't suck him off or anything, but she was exposed to an uncle's penis and mentally, it fucked her up. I am now having to deal with this pretty much every day, and she needs therapy pretty bad. Sexually, this girl is so confused it makes me angry sometimes. It had taken her nearly 6 months of dating to do anything beyond 2nd base. Yes I am incredibly patient and stupid, especially for a guy with a sex drive like mine. But I have loved this girl since the moment I set eyes on her and I am willing to wait until she is ready every step of the way. For her to have the trust in me to tell me about her traumatic experience, it lets me know that she loves me too (other than her saying it of course). I'm not going to leave her, but I'm 23, you are 14. Hopefully, you aren't in love yet, and you still have the opportunity to leave her.
As for the drugs, drinking and masturbation subject. Alcohol is a drug, and it is illegal at your age, so if she has a problem with one, it should be for both. If she doesn't have a problem with drinking, that means you can have a few puffs every once in a while and it doesn't matter. Even if she has a problem with both, what will it hurt her, you aren't married. No need to get pussy whipped at your age.
Most girls, in the US, start masturbating around 7 or 8. Usually they don't know what they are doing, but just that it feels good. I know how you feel about the masturbating thing. I remember when I was younger I was kind of weirded out about girls doing it, but of course it was okay for guys to do it. That is a mindset that you will simply outgrow. It's not a big deal, everyone does it. Nobody is getting cancer or dying from it, maybe carpal tunnel, but that's not really that bad. Even Roman Catholic nuns do it, they just confess afterwards.
Back on topic. Honestly, if you are 16 years old or younger and have any problem with a girlfriend, you should break up. There is no need to go through any extra anguish at that age. You aren't going to get married, and there are a billion other girls out there, so it doesn't matter. Now I don't want to make up your mind for you. Think this over, get your head straight and then make a decision. Walk on right side of road, okay. Walk on left side of road, okay. Walk in middle, squish, just like grape.
I hope this gave you a little insight. Good luck.
Quote from "VegasRage" »
I think teen years are the hardest years to live, everything is so intense, hormones and emotions rule everything, what other people think matter more than they should and when you like someone... well you might as well take your brain out of head and put it on the shelf. If they betray your trust, then you have to find a way through that cold pill.
Times like that, I go outside and look at the trees and ask; 'Are these trees stressing out?'
The answer is, of course not.
I look at the birds and ask; 'Are these birds any more panicked today than they we're yesterday?
The answer is, of course not.
I look at the sun (or moon depending) and ask; ‘Is the Sun moving any faster now than it did yesterday?’
The answer is, of course not.
Then I realize it’s just my head, my internal committee that is in overdrive, that in reality I’m just standing there outside and nothing is really happening except my head is working on me.
The best cure is finding someone with a bigger problem than I have and trying to help them at times like that. Then mine seem less important for a little bit, I find my center again and feel good about helping someone else.
If you haven’t seen 'Forest Gump' rent it, smart people think too much.
You, my friend, are elightened.
Likwid, listen to vegasrage, he knows what he is talking about.
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
To post a comment, please login or register a new account.
We do talk about it a lot, but every time I bring it up she just ends up being all, "I know it was wrong, why do you have to remind me everyday of how I'm such a bad person and all the bad things I have done?"
And, even though I'm a horny teenage guy, I still wouldn't do that.
And no, she's not like that, I asked her to stop doing everything "bad" like drinking and masturbating, and I guess she has, except for yesterday, she was in the jacuzzi, with the jets, for an hour..... and yeah, four times... I don't even know why that makes me feel bad, but it does. I guess I've just got major issues...
But don't you think that's kind of like, whorish?... Like, ever since I found, which was like two weeks after we started making out, I just don't respect her as much. Isn't that justified, I mean, she choose to take her shirt off for a 17 year old who she met that day, you're telling me that's okay?
But she's been doing it since she was eight, so yeah, I personally don't like it, but yeah... I know I can pleasure her, as long as she doesn't lie to me, which I don't think she did, once she told me that it felt the best ever, even better than when she did it to herself, and she sounded serious. So I'm pretty sure I can pleasure her fine. And I don't mind it if I know she's doing it, like on the phone I don't care if she does it. But, just, not if I'm not aware of it...
i got mad at my brother because he broke my computer
but have u resolved this issue yet?
lol good then happy to help
Times like that, I go outside and look at the trees and ask; 'Are these trees stressing out?'
The answer is, of course not.
I look at the birds and ask; 'Are these birds any more panicked today than they we're yesterday?
The answer is, of course not.
I look at the sun (or moon depending) and ask; ‘Is the Sun moving any faster now than it did yesterday?’
The answer is, of course not.
Then I realize it’s just my head, my internal committee that is in overdrive, that in reality I’m just standing there outside and nothing is really happening except my head is working on me.
The best cure is finding someone with a bigger problem than I have and trying to help them at times like that. Then mine seem less important for a little bit, I find my center again and feel good about helping someone else.
If you haven’t seen 'Forest Gump' rent it, smart people think too much.
Except for alcohol is more addictive than pot...
And you said that if you don't drink much it is healthy, while that might be true, it's not even yet proven. Plus, drinkning alone doesn't give you those effects, it's a combination of drinking and eating healthy that give you those effects. So drinking alone is still bad for you in my mind, I think that wine is fine every once in a while, just a glass. But it is much healthier than beer and other forms of alcohol. And how does pot damage your health? Just the smoke, that's pretty petty if you ask me, becuase then I just take staright up THC and it's fine for you?
It all depends on your threshold for pain, when the pleasure stops out weighing the pain, then people start to listen.
You seem to keep switching facts around. First it was a year and half ago, then two years, then a year and a half again. (Unless you just had poor sentence structure and that confused me).
The necro thread says 2 months =]
Okay, now, in case anyone cares;
This is hard for me to understand, so I'm sure it will be even harder for me to explain. It was a lie. She never made out with him. All they did was pass notes, and he kissed her on the cheek goodbye. I don't quite understand how it all got started. Something about her cousin got mad at her roommate and the roommate did stuff with some guy. She then posted that stuff on my GF's AIM, thinking it was her roommate's. My GF thought that I read that, and that's why she said she did it. IDK why... So please don't ask for clarification. At first I was happy, now, I don't know... I have so many questions I need to ask her, her logic just seems flawed wheter she did it or not.
It's just a very hard period in life, you'll look back 10 to 15 years from now and half of you will miss this time, the other half will be glad it's gone. More than that you will fully realize just how lucky you are to have survived. I did so much stupid shit at that age I should have died at least 100 times.
Ahh, but I' so damned confused. Seriously the past three months have been hell. Now I just, idk... Confusing... I just don't understand why the fuck I had to go through all of that. I think she wants me to suffer... =]
*Likwid starts beating her*
Yeah, I dont have a girlfriend so dont listen to me.
Welcome to women, that doesn't change as you get older. Men have the ability to compartmentalize our problems, we just shut the door if we don't want to deal with issues. Women however have one thing wrong in their mental space and their life is a wreck. A wise man once told me men give love to have sex, women give sex to have love. Remember negative attention is better than no attention at all, and sometimes women do weird crap to find out if you care, insecurity you know.
We're wired differently, the moment you act like you don't care is when she will care (and when other women come out of the wood works and notice you) and then she will want you more because someone else does. Women frequently date jerks so they can fix them. Moral of the story don't try to understand them. Just play it easy and calm, when they start doing weird stuff, just let them know until they are done you'll be at home catching up on some good TV.
The phone will ring by time you get home. Watch a movie called Nine 1/2 weeks and then you'll know just how jacked up women are, women went nuts for that flick and all wanted to have that kind of relationship after it came out. Female hormones are whacked, be glad you are guy.
First off, it's not a lie. She is definately telling you it was her friend just to get your mind off of it. She probably doesn't think its a big deal, but when she told you, it freaked you out a bit. She was hoping you would say it doesn't matter, but you didn't and now she is trying to cover.
Second, she did this at 12 with a 17 year old, that is molestation. I can almost guarantee that this isn't the first time. She probably was molested by an uncle when she was really young and it messed up her wiring. Now she needs this kind of stimulation. In order for her to get over it, she will need therapy.
This is coming from a guy who's girlfriend was molested when she was 5. No, there wasn't any penetration, and she didn't suck him off or anything, but she was exposed to an uncle's penis and mentally, it fucked her up. I am now having to deal with this pretty much every day, and she needs therapy pretty bad. Sexually, this girl is so confused it makes me angry sometimes. It had taken her nearly 6 months of dating to do anything beyond 2nd base. Yes I am incredibly patient and stupid, especially for a guy with a sex drive like mine. But I have loved this girl since the moment I set eyes on her and I am willing to wait until she is ready every step of the way. For her to have the trust in me to tell me about her traumatic experience, it lets me know that she loves me too (other than her saying it of course). I'm not going to leave her, but I'm 23, you are 14. Hopefully, you aren't in love yet, and you still have the opportunity to leave her.
As for the drugs, drinking and masturbation subject. Alcohol is a drug, and it is illegal at your age, so if she has a problem with one, it should be for both. If she doesn't have a problem with drinking, that means you can have a few puffs every once in a while and it doesn't matter. Even if she has a problem with both, what will it hurt her, you aren't married. No need to get pussy whipped at your age.
Most girls, in the US, start masturbating around 7 or 8. Usually they don't know what they are doing, but just that it feels good. I know how you feel about the masturbating thing. I remember when I was younger I was kind of weirded out about girls doing it, but of course it was okay for guys to do it. That is a mindset that you will simply outgrow. It's not a big deal, everyone does it. Nobody is getting cancer or dying from it, maybe carpal tunnel, but that's not really that bad. Even Roman Catholic nuns do it, they just confess afterwards.
Back on topic. Honestly, if you are 16 years old or younger and have any problem with a girlfriend, you should break up. There is no need to go through any extra anguish at that age. You aren't going to get married, and there are a billion other girls out there, so it doesn't matter. Now I don't want to make up your mind for you. Think this over, get your head straight and then make a decision. Walk on right side of road, okay. Walk on left side of road, okay. Walk in middle, squish, just like grape.
I hope this gave you a little insight. Good luck.
You, my friend, are elightened.
Likwid, listen to vegasrage, he knows what he is talking about.