So this german guy moves to Canada and doesnt know much English and he goes to a bakery and askes for a bum the person at the till says "ohh you must mean a bun" then he goes to a gardining store and asks somone "I would like to buy a fucket" the till person says"a fucket you must mean a bucket" then he goes to pet store and says " I would like to buy a cock and spanket" the person at the till says "a cock and spank it you must mean a cockerspanial" then on the way back to his house the dog runs away.. he goes to the police station and says "Hold my bum and fucket well i go find my cock and spank it"
(tell me i you like this)A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute."Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um ... no."The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again."or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!"The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..."On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"
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Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
heres some moma jokes and blonde jokes hehe cuz i cant think of any others atm
How does a blond kill a fish? she drowns it
How does a blond kill a bird? she throws it of a cliff
How does a blond kill a worm? she burrys it alive
how do you a blond was at a computer? theres whiteout all over the screen
how does a blond kill a mummy? she just goes to the bathroom
some moma jokes now
Your mother is so fat she fell in love and Broke it
Your mother is so tiny she commited suicide of a curb
Your mother's glasses are so thick when she looks at a map she sees people waveing
Your mother is so poor when i saw her kicking a can i asked what she was doing she said she was moving
Your mother is so poor when i saw her climbing into a carboard box i asked her what she was doing she said she was moving in
Your mother is so fat that when she walked passed me I missed the Diablo3 realese
Your mother is so fat when she jumps for joy she got stuck
A man wearing a balaclava bursts into a sperm bank with a shot gun.
"Open the fucking safe!" he yells at the girl behind the counter.
"But we're not a real bank" replies the girl. "This is a sperm bank, we don't hold money".
"Don't argue just open the safe or I'll blow your fucking head off!" She obliges and opens the safe door.
"Take one of the bottles and drink it!"
"But it's full of sperm" the girl replies nervously.
"Don't argue, just drink it" he says. She prises off the cap and gulps it down.
"Take out another one and drink it too!" he demands. The girl drinks another one. Suddenly the guy pulls off the balaclava and to the girl's amazement it's her husband...
"Not that fucking difficult is it?" he says
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"Cards and flowers on your window, your friends all plead for you to stay,
sometimes beginnings aren't so simple, sometimes goodbye's the only way."
Religous:
Q. How many Druids does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Thirteen. One to hold the bulb and twelve to drink untill the room spins.
Q. What's a witches favorite snack?
A. PAN pizza!
Q. How many Gardernians does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Sorry, that's a Third Degree secret.
A. (In a low ominous tone) "Why do you want to know... initiate?"
Q. How many solitary witches does it take to change a light bulb?
A. ...
A bumper sticker says: "Sorry that my karma ran over your dogma."
Redneck Jokes:
You might be a redneck if you've been married three times and you still have the same inlaws.
You might be a redneck if you think TACO BELL is a mexican phone company.
You might be a redneck if you got stopped by a state trooper. He asked you if you had an I.D. and you said, 'Bout What?'
You might be a redneck if you think Possum is "The Other White Meat."
You might be a redneck if you think a quarter horse is a ride out in front of the Wal-Mart.
You might be a redneck if you think safe sex is a padded headboard.
''May the Gods give you the strength and power to bear the madness which flows through our minds.''
''Zubin, I've always imagined you as a crazy raver. The kinda guy that spends all night dancing to trance music while waving glow sticks and popping ecstasy.'' - Murderface
There is a small family sitting down at the table for breakfast. A dad, two little boys and a mom. The mom is cooking breakfast for the family.
First the mother ask the first son, "what would you like for breakfast?"
Son #1 replies "I’ll have some Fuckin french toast"
Mom replies, "what did you just say to me?"
Son replies #1 "I’ll have some Fuckin french toast"
AFter that the mom begins to smack the son senseless while his dad takes off his belt. After this mom is done smacking him, the dad begins to lay into him with his belt. This carries on for a good 5 minuites, and then the son is sent to his room.
After the two parents compose themselves, the dad sits back down at the table with the other son. Then the mom goes up to the other son and asks him "what you would like for breakfast sweety?"
Son #2 replies "Well, I sure dont want the Fuckin french toast".
I've always liked this one.
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Dream as if you'll live forever, and live as if you'll die today. "James Dean"
Lol, i can assure that the second brother was younger.
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''May the Gods give you the strength and power to bear the madness which flows through our minds.''
''Zubin, I've always imagined you as a crazy raver. The kinda guy that spends all night dancing to trance music while waving glow sticks and popping ecstasy.'' - Murderface
''May the Gods give you the strength and power to bear the madness which flows through our minds.''
''Zubin, I've always imagined you as a crazy raver. The kinda guy that spends all night dancing to trance music while waving glow sticks and popping ecstasy.'' - Murderface
Or maybe to get to the Tavern. I never really saw the chick there though.
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''May the Gods give you the strength and power to bear the madness which flows through our minds.''
''Zubin, I've always imagined you as a crazy raver. The kinda guy that spends all night dancing to trance music while waving glow sticks and popping ecstasy.'' - Murderface
So this german guy moves to Canada and doesnt know much English and he goes to a bakery and askes for a bum the person at the till says "ohh you must mean a bun" then he goes to a gardining store and asks somone "I would like to buy a fucket" the till person says"a fucket you must mean a bucket" then he goes to pet store and says " I would like to buy a cock and spanket" the person at the till says "a cock and spank it you must mean a cockerspanial" then on the way back to his house the dog runs away.. he goes to the police station and says "Hold my bum and fucket well i go find my cock and spank it"
Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
heres some moma jokes and blonde jokes hehe cuz i cant think of any others atm
How does a blond kill a fish? she drowns it
How does a blond kill a bird? she throws it of a cliff
How does a blond kill a worm? she burrys it alive
how do you a blond was at a computer? theres whiteout all over the screen
how does a blond kill a mummy? she just goes to the bathroom
some moma jokes now
Your mother is so fat she fell in love and Broke it
Your mother is so tiny she commited suicide of a curb
Your mother's glasses are so thick when she looks at a map she sees people waveing
Your mother is so poor when i saw her kicking a can i asked what she was doing she said she was moving
Your mother is so poor when i saw her climbing into a carboard box i asked her what she was doing she said she was moving in
Your mother is so fat that when she walked passed me I missed the Diablo3 realese
Your mother is so fat when she jumps for joy she got stuck
all i can think of lol
"Cards and flowers on your window, your friends all plead for you to stay,
sometimes beginnings aren't so simple, sometimes goodbye's the only way."
your family is so stupid they each triped eachother once and said they had a nice trip
"Open the fucking safe!" he yells at the girl behind the counter.
"But we're not a real bank" replies the girl. "This is a sperm bank, we don't hold money".
"Don't argue just open the safe or I'll blow your fucking head off!" She obliges and opens the safe door.
"Take one of the bottles and drink it!"
"But it's full of sperm" the girl replies nervously.
"Don't argue, just drink it" he says. She prises off the cap and gulps it down.
"Take out another one and drink it too!" he demands. The girl drinks another one. Suddenly the guy pulls off the balaclava and to the girl's amazement it's her husband...
"Not that fucking difficult is it?" he says
"Cards and flowers on your window, your friends all plead for you to stay,
sometimes beginnings aren't so simple, sometimes goodbye's the only way."
"Cards and flowers on your window, your friends all plead for you to stay,
sometimes beginnings aren't so simple, sometimes goodbye's the only way."
Religous:
Q. How many Druids does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Thirteen. One to hold the bulb and twelve to drink untill the room spins.
Q. What's a witches favorite snack?
A. PAN pizza!
Q. How many Gardernians does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Sorry, that's a Third Degree secret.
A. (In a low ominous tone) "Why do you want to know... initiate?"
Q. How many solitary witches does it take to change a light bulb?
A. ...
A bumper sticker says: "Sorry that my karma ran over your dogma."
Redneck Jokes:
You might be a redneck if you've been married three times and you still have the same inlaws.
You might be a redneck if you think TACO BELL is a mexican phone company.
You might be a redneck if you got stopped by a state trooper. He asked you if you had an I.D. and you said, 'Bout What?'
You might be a redneck if you think Possum is "The Other White Meat."
You might be a redneck if you think a quarter horse is a ride out in front of the Wal-Mart.
You might be a redneck if you think safe sex is a padded headboard.
''Zubin, I've always imagined you as a crazy raver. The kinda guy that spends all night dancing to trance music while waving glow sticks and popping ecstasy.'' - Murderface
First the mother ask the first son, "what would you like for breakfast?"
Son #1 replies "I’ll have some Fuckin french toast"
Mom replies, "what did you just say to me?"
Son replies #1 "I’ll have some Fuckin french toast"
AFter that the mom begins to smack the son senseless while his dad takes off his belt. After this mom is done smacking him, the dad begins to lay into him with his belt. This carries on for a good 5 minuites, and then the son is sent to his room.
After the two parents compose themselves, the dad sits back down at the table with the other son. Then the mom goes up to the other son and asks him "what you would like for breakfast sweety?"
Son #2 replies "Well, I sure dont want the Fuckin french toast".
I've always liked this one.
''Zubin, I've always imagined you as a crazy raver. The kinda guy that spends all night dancing to trance music while waving glow sticks and popping ecstasy.'' - Murderface
''Zubin, I've always imagined you as a crazy raver. The kinda guy that spends all night dancing to trance music while waving glow sticks and popping ecstasy.'' - Murderface
''Zubin, I've always imagined you as a crazy raver. The kinda guy that spends all night dancing to trance music while waving glow sticks and popping ecstasy.'' - Murderface
Siaynoq's Playthroughs