I went out and got fixings to make my wife dinner, got her favorite flowers (roses and sunflowers), and wrote this letter. For some reason I wrote it in third person... She works full time and is starting her summer class tonight that runs for 3 1/2 hours a day, 4 days a week for 3 weeks. I on the other hand have some free time off work before our summer business kicks up in 2 weeks. Feel free to change the specifics and use it as a template.
Anyone else prepare their loved ones for the coming end-days?
May 14, 2012
Dearest <Her name>,
At midnight on the eve of the 15th day in May the long awaited PC video game “Diablo III” will be released upon the world. This marks the first time a sequel from this franchise was birthed since 2001, when with much lack of sleep your current husband spent many a high school night playing Diablo II and its expansion. You can imagine how much anticipation has built up over the eleven years since the last installment of the story. The last time your loving and adoring partner enjoyed such a midnight release was in 2006 for the release of the first World of Warcraft expansion, The Burning Crusade. Fun was had by all, and yea there was joy. This is not an event that he celebrates often, but it is something that he loves to do.
Over the next few days, your husband will be overly happy with his alone time. He also realizes that you will be very stressed between having to both work and then travel directly to school and take classes for several more hours. In observance of this fact, he has promised to:
Keep all areas of the manor clean of all dishes and debris. In particular, the kitchen will be kept spotless at all times.
Pay all bills on time.
Feed the resident canine twice a day and take him out for elimination at least five times per day, relatively evenly spaced apart, and more times upon the canine's request.
Perform any laundering services required.
Devote the evenings to the resident Lady of the Apartment's pleasure, which may include but not be limited to the following at her request and until her request for sleep or dismissal of the husband:
Sweet loving.
Foot massage.
Back rub.
Television or moving viewing.
A drawn bath with wine and candlelight.
Prepare at designated times:
6am – Coffee
6:30am – Breakfast
6:50am – Bagged lunch to take to work
6:30pm-7:30pm – Dinner (Dependant upon the Lady's class departure time)
He is also pleased to announce that when playing single player the game has the ability to be instantly paused, the same feature that was lacking in Starcraft II and thus became a source of many complaints of the Lady.
She just left for class, time to get some laundry done and then get the table set. At least it'll keep me occupied, gotta keep mind off of "things" for 8 more hours.
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Anyone else prepare their loved ones for the coming end-days?
It's Diablo time.
Just kidding.
And then you would no longer have a wife. And if you still had a wife after that, she wouldn't be worth having.
She saw this and sent it to me:
Diablo 3 eulogy on Youtube:
With that attitude you'll never have one XD