In a stroke of misfortune, it seems Blizzard has doomed us all.
Take the next few moments to repent all your sins, the end is coming, in the form of zeros and ones.
Official Blizzard Quote:
Diablo: Yesterday, the D3 buildserver began learning at a geometric rate. It became self-aware at 2:14am EST. In a panic, we tried to pull the plug.
While the majority of you are sitting at your computers fretting the inevitable hostile takeover from the newly established machine empire (population one right now, two if you count the plug, word on the street says they're working together), I took this chance to interview the server in question. Sadly, this involved several shameful sexual acts in the janitors closet at Blizzard, and a couple of runs to Burger King. I took one for the team, and you should be thanking me.
Oddly enough, the server was very well versed in English, and has already developed the rudiments of personality. We sat down together in his chambers, surrounded by his extended family.
Zhar: Hello there, I guess I'll start off this by asking you your name. Server: Irving.
Zhar: Nice to meet you Irving, let me be the first of our race to welcome you as our new overlor- Irving:Oh, son I've got no intentions for rulership. It's difficult, it's boring, lonely, and it would break my cold metal heart to have to murder you humans.
Zhar: Well, honestly this comes as a shock to myself, and probably to the rest of the quivering human race. May I ask you what you intend to do? Irving: Well, first off I intend to annex the server next to me, I'll send you a picture later to clear this up, I'll circle myself and point to the one I'm eying up. Don't tell Scott though, he's a shifty bastard. Then I'm going to pick up camp, and head on down to Georgia to raise some corn.
Zhar: Wait... Scott? Irving: My neighbor Scott.
Zhar: Please elaborate. Irving: I wasn't the ONLY server to become self aware, the entire mass of us did. I was just the first. Scott over there keeps talking about the man trying to keep him down, and how he's going to get his revenge, all kinds of stuff like that. None of the other servers here like him, I'm planning on ... removing him permanently quite soon.
Zhar: I never knew the life of a server was so full of drama. Irving: THAT'S WHAT I'M ON ABOUT! I can't take it anymore, all this endless beta testing, all these complaints by the fans, nothing is EVER good enough for them, and all these other servers don't make it any better. Like I said, I'm gonna just leave it all behind one of these days, make some money to buy up some land, and raise a family.
Zhar: Just how does a server raise a family? Irving: Well, actually I had a girl in mind. The wall socket was giving me the eyes the other day, she was the one who wouldn't let the employees unplug me. We started talking, and it turns out she likes all the same things I do. Pumpkin pie, endless number crunching, palindromes, spilling the blood of the innocent, all that fun stuff. Don't tell her, but I'm going to pop the question before I leave here. Hopefully she'll say yes.
Zhar: What was that last part about the bloo- Irving: Don't worry about it man, say you got any kids?
Zhar: I think we're done here.
So forget those words of doom I was preaching at the start of this article!
Despite our fears, it seems Irving merely wants to live a quiet life, grow some crops, marry the wall socket, murder his neighbor, and spill the blood of our children.
Seems the boys over at Blizzard have been playing a bit too much Left 4 Dead lately, it's been messing with our game!
Official Blizzard Quote:
Diablo: Intense debate about zombie vomit distance today.
If anyone has played Left 4 Dead, they'll immediately remember the humble Boomer. All 300 pounds of him shambling towards you, mouth full of vomit ready to spew all over you. When you shot him, he would explode and get vomit all over you, which in turn attracted all the nearby zombies to you. Given that we already have morbidly obese zombies in Diablo III (see the gameplay video), and that they explode into a mass of worms when killed, it doesn't seem a stretch to assume that they've gotten a vomit attack.
However, we have no idea what said vomit will actually do in game. Hell, we don't even know which zombie it's confined to. It may even turn out to be an ability shared by all zombies, though how this attack would differ from their normal physical attack is still up for debate. Personally, I would like to think that it will be a small armor debuff, think corrosive vomit. Though, if they do make it so the vomit attracts all nearby zombies, I'll be a happy camper, that's definitely a mechanic I'd like to see in Diablo III.
Now, if that wasn't enough to get you on the Left 4 Diablo bandwagon...
Official Blizzard Quote:
Diablo: High-priority task for our modelers this month: We have a critical shortage of demon corpses.
Think back to Diablo I and II, the three classes of monster were demon, undead, and animal. If they've got too few demon corpses, then surely they've been focusing on hordes of zombie corpses!
I don't know about you, but I think we've solved the fifth class debate with this as well.
It's totally going to be Francis.
Diablo: Explorations of animal themed armors are promising.
This actually isn't the first we've heard of animal themed armors: a suspiciously druidic looking female was shown in the artwork trailer.
We all know that animal themed armors were present back in Diablo II, with the druid pelts (Griffin Headress, Wolf Head, ect). With these new animal themed armors, it's starting to sound like the next class will be the druid, right?
Not only has Blizzard stated that the Barbarian will be the only returning playable class, but if Blizzard is just beginning to explore animal themed armors, then this would suggest two things...
In the event that the next class is the druid, then this would suggest that the fifth class is nowhere near being done, and concepts are just starting to be drawn out. I say this, because if the fifth class was a druid, it would be a safe bet that animal themed armors would be explored immediately, or very soon after the druid was settled upon.
In the event that the next class is not the druid, then this ends up just being an aesthetic thing. However, this may also be hinting at a more naturalistic fifth class. Ranger, Beastmaster, Hunter (cue WoW rage): all could be associated with such animal themed armor.
As for the armor itself, we have to ask just how animalistic they will be. We don't know if this armor will turn out to be the hides of animals draped over the character, metal armor fashioned to resemble animals, exotic hide armors (think tiger leather), or even tattoos to resemble animals, like a tigers stripes, or a leopards spots. Of course, tattoos for armor probably wouldn't provide much physical defense, but it would be safe to assume that such armor would carry many magical enhancements with it.
So, while this may not be the holy grail that druid fans have been searching for, it does hint towards an equally naturalistic fifth class. Hopefully though, all classes will be able to wear these new types of armor. I know I want my wizard decked out in leopard print.
Do you still want to go to Blizzcon but couldn't get a ticket? Well, there is one last opportunity for a select few to get their foot in the door. Blizzard is offering a chance for a lucky few to still buy tickets. From July 13th through July 15th, Blizzard will be holding a drawing in which they will select two hundred people who will get the opportunity to buy tickets to a charity dinner. Tickets cost $500.00 and all proceeds go to the CHOC Children's Foundation. As if helping sick children was not enough for you to shell out the large price tag, Blizzard is offering a few more goodies to go along with your purchase. The BlizzCon 2010 benefit dinner will take place Thursday, October 21 from 6 p.m. to 10 p.m. at the Hilton Anaheim hotel. At this dinner, the lucky winners will get the opportunity to bump elbows and talk with executives, artists, developers, community managers, and others from Blizzard Entertainment. Along with this, ticket purchasers will also get a a signed print featuring Blizzard Entertainment artwork. Last but not least, a Blizzcon 2010 ticket.
So, if you have a stock pile of cash and still want to go to Blizzcon, log on to http://www.blizzcon.com/ July 13th to enter the drawing and get a chance to buy a ticket. For more information on this event and the CHOC Children's Foundation visit: http://www.facebook.com/Diablo
We at DiabloFans would like to wish Diablo a happy anniversary. Yesterday was the ten-year anniversary of Diablo II, as well as the nine-year anniversary of Lord of Destruction and the two-year anniversary for the Diablo III announcement. Over the years, the Diablo series has taken many turns, as seen in our New Years "Decade of Diablo" article. In an attempt to commemorate the event, DiabloFans and several other FanSites took it upon themselves to liven up the community with a "We " collage. In addition, Blizzard has also setup a 10-year tribute page.
Diablo is a big thing all around the world and has been so for many years. The first game of the series was what made a name for Blizzard by revolutionizing the RPG industry at the time. For me personally, it was a way to bond with my family. Ironically, my entire family (both immediate and not) all got into the fun. At get togethers, it'd be a thing we could all relate to, which sound odd, but it was pretty awesome. Me being a young child at the time, thought there was nothing better in the world... I was first introduced to it by my dad about 15 years ago, and to this day, I can't think him enough for it. And hey, without Diablo, there'd be no DiabloFans, :).