DiabloFans

Happy belated Jamoose! Hope you had a great birthday.

I have kinda retired from doing this. Most of the peoples I wished HBD to are now gone anyway.

My hard drive crashed recently and I missed a few...

Quote from DieHardDiabloFan

I miss Doppleganger and Goodguy's war.

Hehe - those were fun.

I miss the Carloseus rants. Thasador and Darkjay stories.
Winston's fun, Sesslers cartoons, and Atru's Dee'hablothree (probably spelled it wrong)

Zuby thought I was a guy when I first joined despite me stating I was female. hehehe
Ooo, Zuby, you beat my joining by one day. lol

Everybody loves Zuby!!!

WALKING THE DOG

A woman was flying from Seattle to San Francisco. Unexpectedly, the plane was diverted to Sacramento along the way. The flight attendant explained that there would be a delay, and if the passengers wanted to get off the aircraft the plane would re-board in 50 minutes.

Everybody got off the plane except the one lady who was blind. The man had noticed her as he walked by and could tell the lady was blind because her Seeing Eye dog lay quietly underneath the seats in front of her throughout the entire flight.

He could also tell she had flown this very flight before because the pilot approached her, and calling her by name, said, 'Kathy, we are in Sacramento for almost an hour. Would you like to get off and stretch your legs?' The blind lady replied, 'No thanks, but maybe Buddy would like to stretch his legs. He might even need to pee.'

Picture this:

All the people in the gate area came to a complete standstill when they looked up and saw the pilot walk off the plane with a Seeing Eye dog! The pilot was even wearing sunglasses. People scattered. They not only tried to change planes, but they were even trying to change airlines!



True story... Have a great day and remember,

THINGS AREN'T ALWAYS AS THEY APPEAR.

Quote from former staffers - here is the lead up to it:

One member (Helios) was talking about the "feeling" he gets when he is close to dying while playing:

as my butt hole tightened up everytime it was a close call.

Siaynoq responded:

I'm actually glad Helios mentioned that. Cause before when playing a video game and I was about to die, or my guy was about to fall off a narrow ledge, or whenever there was a moment like that, my butthole would also tighten up. Stimulus response, I suppose. But I could never get other people to admit that this happens to them too.

And now my most favorite quote from a staffer (former):

Thasador:

Everyone who is a gamer should have already experienced the "Sphinktor Reflex Syndrom". Side effects include, muscle spasm in the glute region, involuntary muscle movements in the quads, abdominal, and arm regions when experiencing difficult game play, eyelidsnotclosingism, and more.

I was at work when I read that and I actually fell out of my chair laughing.
Oh my god, there is a name for it even...hehehehehe.
Needless to say my coworkers started "wondering" about me, or maybe it just intensified their "wonderings".

We know the truth...the fiancee wore you out didn't she. :tongue:

uhh couldn't this be done by pm.......

Quote from -Mephisto

She thought we made out a lot, when in reality I saw her twice a week and we'd kiss a total of 5 minutes. I think she was looking for a gay friend, or something, what with her asking me talk with her more even though we'd talk like 6 hours every day.

I wouldn't be able to live there. Definitely not! Making out is my favorite thing to do before (and after) sex. I remember making out for hours in my first relationship (before we actually had sex).

u could wake up

Hello there. It's me- Mr Narrator. While browsing through these forums, I realized the terrible and saddening situation that has befallen our fellow users. They seem to paddle in ignorance and have forgotten the perennial morals and values of our good old fairy tales. However, this need not continue.
So, in my great generosity and compassion, I have decided to spare some of my time and infinite wisdom to tell you of the stories that have graced our childhood, and also reveal the shocking truths that your parents could not tell you due to the blissful innocence of your then unblemished minds.

Our second story is that of ‘The red little riding hood’. Never has the stigma associated with appearance been so tragic. So much so, that people even forgot the real name of the poor little girl in our story. Her name was actually Stormcat or as called by her friends- Stormy.
Alas, this was not the only thing misconstrued or forgotten.
So today, we shall delve into what really happened and determine the moral of this epic tale.

Once upon a time in a country far far away, there was a little girl called Stormy. She lived with her mother in a house at the periphery of a secluded village.
The road that ran close to their front door, continued only a few more yards before plunging into the forest that surrounded this small settlement of farmers.
In these times, it was common to send young and defenseless girls into beasts-infested forests to see their grandmothers.


And so it was that on a fine Saturday morning, Stormy’s mother called her from the living room,
“Brat, come here!”
Stormy- “Yes, kindly and beloved mother. Do you need me?”
Mother- “Obviously, duh! Why would I call you if I didn’t need you, eh? Anyway let’s cut the crap and get down to business here. I need you to deliver some cookies to your grandma. She’s sick and cannot cook. I am sure the nutritious value of these cookies will be able to sustain her for weeks, maybe even years…”
The caring and compassionate mother thus carefully wrapped half a dozen cookies and put them in a basket along with some lemonade juice before giving it to her daughter.
Stormy picking up her favorite green cloak prepared to set off but was stopped by her mother.
“Oh dear, why are you wearing this horrible cloak? Here, take this red one. You look prettier in it.”
“But mother, won’t I be really conspicuous in such clothing?”
“Of course not, you daft girl.”
“But mother, aren’t there supposed to be wolves in the forest?”
“Come on, you silly girl. Wolves? You have listened to too many stories…”
“But mother…”
“Oh for God’s sake, just shut up and go already, will you?”

Following this very emotional and teary departure, our Stormy waved her mother goodbye and walked along the road that would take her into the forest.

The latter indeed held some fearsome beasts. Among them, notoriously infamous was Umpa, the green monster or as his street name went- Reptar. He preyed mercilessly on any weaker creatures, devouring their flesh and keeping the bones to scratch his back or use as toothpick.
Right then as our story began, Reptar was chasing a wolf. Though he moved on two legs, his speed was unmatched around these parts for he religiously trained everyday and had acquired deadly predatory skills. The wolf succumbing to the poisonous bite of the vile creature gave a last howl-
“Aaaooowwoooooo….whaaaaat the heeeeeeeckkkkkk!?! Thiiiiiissss waaaaaaaasn’t iiinnnnnn the scriiiiiiipttt...”
And died.

While Umpa was ripping through the flesh of his victim in frenzy, the sensitive ears of the monster picked a humming sound. It was Stormy that he was hearing and he quickly understood that some fresh and easy victim had entered the woods. However, he dared not approach the road for even among the beasts, there were the rumors of a demon who lurked there and dragged off its victims to consume. Whether true or not, Reptar was not about to risk his neck, especially when he had a freshly caught meal right in front of him.

Stormy was happily strolling along the road, humming to herself and with not a care in the world, having already eaten half the cookies she was meant to bring her grandma. The sugar rush did not help. She was now dancing and hopping everywhere and had forgotten the safety of the road. For she knew very well, that the dangers of the forest would never touch a person for as long as they remained on the path.
This knowledge was widespread among the villagers and while they themselves did not understand it, they knew that some ‘power’ held the beasts at bay. But that was only if one stayed on the road.
Straying slowly but surely from the path, Stormy soon became lost and when she realized it, she was alone, surrounded by gnarled trees which darkened the place with their menacing shadows. Reptar, who has been quietly watching his potential prey almost literally walking into his claws, guffawed maniacally. Seeing he had the obvious advantage over his victim, he decided to play around a bit more with his food.
Sneakily, he approached Stormy from behind and put his cruel paw on her shoulder. The latter jumped slightly and spun around. She was met with the sight of a drooling creature with ravenous purple eyes.
She let out a sigh of relief. Finally she thought- someone to help her. But then she reconsidered and said-
“Why are you drooling and looking at me like that? Are you a pervert?”

Taken aback by the apparent calm of the little girl, Reptar exclaimed- “What? Of…of course NOT! ”
“It…it’s just how I normally look,” he added defensively.
Stormy- “Oh I’m so sorry sir. I was just a little surprised. I am lost. Will you help me?”

Reptar- “Uhm…err…ya….sure.”

Stormy- “I need to get back on the road. Do you know the way.”

Finally snapping back to reality after this unusual conversation and response from his prey, Reptar put on his most suave voice-

“Certainly, my child. And where may you be heading like that?”

Stormy narrowed her eyes-
“Why do you want to know that?”

Reptar- “Well if you are heading for your village, I can show you a shortcut.”

Stormy- “But why?”

Reptar- “Well…it’s for your own good. There will be less walking this way and you’ll get home quicker.”

Stormy- “But why?”

Reptar- “Err…I just explained to you why.”

Stormy- “Oh sorry. It’s just a silly habit of mine to ask questions repeatedly. I can see you are a kind person. Furthermore, you are green and that’s my favorite color!”

She proceeded to explain to Umpa where she was heading and how she got lost (while carefully omitting that she ate most of the cookies).

Reptar considered for a moment and then decided that this was too good an opportunity to pass: a defenseless little girl and her sick grandma.
After explaining to Stormy how to get back on the road, he went back to the dead wolf, salted the meat and put it to dry in the sun.
Looking at the delicious strips of flesh, he said- “I’ll have you for dessert” and dashed to grandma’s house, using a real short cut and following Stormy’s description of the house location.

In the meantime grandma was making out with grandpa, having already recovered from her brief sickness. Her house had 4 rooms and a basement- where she was, undertaking some PG18-worthy series of moves.
And so when Reptar reached the house, he was surprised to see no one in sight. Greatly annoyed, he didn’t even notice the short staircase that led to the basement or even the muffled noises that came from it.
Instead while searching frantically the 4 rooms, he came across grandma’s wardrobe. Fascinated, he started trying out her clothes while admiring himself in the mirror.
The minutes quickly slipped by and suddenly he heard a familiar humming. Quickly recovering from this transvestic lapse in consciousness, he said-
“Oh well, at least one is still on the menu. Hehehe….let her come to grandma then,” and jumped into the bed with grandma’s gown on, pulling up the covers over himself in the process.

Stormy knocked on the door and the disguised voice of Umpa called for her to enter.
Putting the nearly-empty basket on the table in the kitchen, Stormy went to see her grandma.

“Oh, what happened to your boobies, granny? They look pointy. Is it the illness that is making them like that?

“No, you silly. It’s just the covers. Here, now you can see everything is alright,” said Reptar, flattening the covers.

“But why is everything so flat now…? Even I, a little girl..”

“Now now young lady, what kind of talk is that? You are being very rude.”

“Sorry granny. Oh I wanted to ask you- why is the sky blue?”

“That is because the day it was ordered, that was the only color available, honey.”

“Why are rocks hard?”

“Oh for God’s sake…”

And with that, Reptar jumped out of bed and ripped off grandma’s gown to reveal his true self- an act he immediately regretted as he thought the gown looked really good on him.
Tearing his mind from his tragic mistake, he flung himself on Stormy who had jumped out of the way just in time and started running around the house, shouting for help.

Then a sharp voice (grandma) came from the basement-
“Stormy? Is that you? Damn…I need to put my clothes back on.”

Stormy ran down the staircase and headed for the basement. Reptar realized that was where grandma was and smiled to himself-
“Ha! Now for the main course!”
Stormy entered the basement and quickly shut the door behind herself. She jumped for joy when seeing her grandparents(who managed to make themselves decent except for grandpa who always only wore a white apron anyway).

Umpa laughed to himself upon seeing the wooden door and threw his whole weight against it, causing the wood to splinter. A second bashing cause the door to wreck itself open and in came the green monster. A deep grunt met him-

“AAahhh, fresh meat!” said grandpa.

Umpa stared in shock at grandma, Stormy and large creature which might have been a man but for the horns on his head and blood-red eyes burning within the face. The white apron he wore was covered in blood stains and the room itself was full of mangled corpses of various beasts from the forest. In the creature’s hand was a massive cleaver which might have been responsible for all the butchering. Stormy tugged on the evil-looking being’s hand and pointed at Umpa-
“He’s the bad person trying to jump on me and scare me, grandpa.”

Reptar regained his wits and tried to dash for the door and out of the room. But it was to no avail as the huge cleaver thrown skillfully by grandpa impaled Umpa’s tail to the wooden floor.

What followed cannot be described into the nitty-gritty since this story is meant for a PG-13 rating approval.
Suffice it to say that Stormy sat with her grandparents later in the evening to enjoy grilled meat for dinner.


The moral of the story-
Do not name little girls or anybody for that matter by the clothes they are wearing. It’s rude.
Or was it…Beware of green looking monsters you meet in forests…?
Eh…perhaps it was- grilled meat is delicious.



Anyway now that you have understood the moral of this tale, farewell my friends and may your lives be enriched by the wisdom that you have presently gained.
Farewell...until our next tale.

The problem with believing "Just In Case" is because the Christian deity will know if your believing just to be safe. And what if it's the Buddhist deity? Or a Wiccan deity? Or a Shinto Deity? What if you believed in the Jesus "Just In Case" and it turned out that Jesus was a lie and Kami is pissed at you?


The way I figure it is, I'm a good person. If whatever deity is upset that I didn't worship him, ignoring the good things I've done, then he doesn't deserve to be worshiped. If he is glad that I was a good person, then it didn't matter. And if he didn't exist, I was a good person and my memory and honor will still be there.

You do however realize that when he comes back there is a good chance he spouts off at Sixen and the staff. His dilusion that this site is only active because of him and that it revolves around him cometely points out his total narcasitic nature. This site revolves around the game and everything related to it. Just because he is active in the non-Diablo areas of the form doesn't mean he keeps the activity level up. This site will run without him long after he's gone. He is not a god. No one worships him, and if they do they need to have their fucking heads examined.

Excuse the spouting off. I'm just sick of his bullshit.

Hopefully I didn't miss anyone this time. I ended up going with the last supper pic cause it looked the best. I asked my wife, who is religous, and she said it was ok

Originally spurned by a post of Mephisto where he claimed all sorts of things about the staff, I had to remove it and set him straight. Which was probably long overdue. At the same time I said to Irrational that we would consider his own chances that he's continually been using up, and gave Puttah a small remark. LinkX, while not a brilliant debater, has stayed fairly cool in there and I didn't give him anything for it.

These are the PM's sent out. Mephisto will be dealt with by the managers, and depending how he responds we'll see what happens. And from now on, I think we should crack down hard on even slightly flaming discussion the religion thread from now on as I did not lock it (and don't think it should be).

To Mephisto

Quote from "PhrozenDragon" »

For a time now you've been a part of the DiabloFans staff as a Community Manager. In promoting you to this position, we'd hoped to achieve two things:

1. You would help build our community with the aid of various contests. Now we've told you that we were to get a poll plugin for the main page for you, however that has not yet happened, and that is entirely our fault. We have also not specifically told you what we want other than that, so your lack of productivity is not something we hold against you.

2. The second thing we wanted was for you to shape up your forum behavior, and you did. However, being a staff member requires more of you than just being a regular user, and although we've been letting things slip, that ends now. Specifically beacuse of your latest posts in the Religion Vs. Science thread.

I'll outline the problems with your replies near the end of that thread. And before you mention anyone else in that thread and how they behaved, I'm not just sending a PM to you.

LinkX, sugarplumb, I'm not a troll. You just think I'm a troll because I keep owning your ass 20482084 ways from Sunday, and everyone but you and your (apparently) boyfriend Irrational fail to see that.

Man, you guys are making a fool out of yourselves..you should just retire from posting in this thread.

Refrain from namecalling. This is not arguing, and it's not constructive for any debate.

The only reason I'm not a moderator is because we don't need one. I can be a dick and tell Sixen to give me mod powers else I'll leave, and he more than likely would, because I'm not nearly as erratic as I once was.

No you would not, and you know this is true. You've asked Sixen to make you a mod in the past, and he has not yet done so. A certain amount of professionalism is required by staff members, and insinuating untrue things is not acceptable.

If I'm such a bad member, my bans wouldn't be almost automatically lifted, and I wouldn't be on the staff list.

This is also partly our fault, so let me square with you.

Ever since and including the time that Jetrall banned you before he left, I've revoked your ban because your bans have consistently been handed our with little thought and/or irrationally. Not because you're too awesome to be banned, not because Sixen favors you or anything else of the sort. This will not go on.

I can threaten you. I'm a staff member. You weren't. Good point you made there, champ.

You are not a moderator, so stop acting like one.


I can see and understand why you are annoyed by the discussion in that thread, as it doesn't exactly display the highest of debating standard. But neither have you either, with continous namecalling, claims of your own awesomeness, other's stupidity and the assorted threats and pointless additions to your posts (blablalblaba christianity). That does not add anything to the debate.

So, this is what's going to happen:
You will stop acting like this. Period. If you do not, you will be removed from the staff and perhaps also banned. If you cannot reply to treads with Irrational and/or LinkX in them, then I suggest you don't, and the same goes for them.

To Irrational

Quote from "PhrozenDragon" »

I've deleted most of the last pages. All of you try to keep the discussion at a level where you don't have to resort to attacking each other.

If you want to debate, be prepared to be called out on your bullshit or please don't be part of this because I have a feeling that you are posting just to feel... what do you call it... "big".

Don't flame.

I would much rather believe in the harsh truth than the comforting lie, but apparently, that's just a "matter of opinion".

If you cannot enter the discussion without automatically calling all religious beliefs lies, then don't enter it. That goes for your entire argumentation in that thread.

We've warned you before about overstepping after all of your second chances. I will bring this up for discussion in the rest of the mods and see what we'll do.

To Puttah

Quote from "PhrozenDragon" »

I've deleted most of the last pages. All of you try to keep the discussion at a level where you don't have to resort to attacking each other.

What was Jesus then? Wasn't he out to prove something? Weren't all those "facts" there to give some kind of cheap evidence that god created the Earth and everything on it? When believers present this evidence (if you can even call it that) and then conclude with "so obviously god is real" then you know - without a doubt - that they are biased individuals that have been brainwashed.

Don't post things like this. Instead of attacking said individuals and accusing them of being brainwashed, go back to why the idea is flawed. Attacking the believers does nothing to further the debate.

-Mephisto's Lament-, you're honestly being such a hypocrite. He called your argument bullshit, you threaten to ban him, you call mine bullshit and make your negative emotions very clear, should I threaten to ban you? Oh wait I can't, and whatever, it's not like I would care to do so. Get out of your high chair and debate like a man, not a little boy with more power than he knows what to do with.

In the future, use the report button. Staff members can be reported just like anyone else.