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A Lesson in Life and Death By:shibblicious

Style - 8/10
I liked the idea of doing it from somebody else's point of view rather than from the Dhampir's point of view. Writing as on of Abd-al Hazir's journal is a fun approach to the story.

Originality - 7/10
Obviously the style is taken from Diablo's website. Vampire's themselves are also not original. However, I loved the unique twist that the Dhampir's are fighting against their makers because of the death's of their mothers. This is a great idea to get an "evil" class on the side of good.

Overall Story - 7/10
I liked the situation that was given but it was much too short and didn't dive deep enough into the story of the Dhampirs. I would have like to have gotten some better and more flushed out history of the Dhampirs. Also, there is no real plot to the story other than to give a small back story to the Dhampirs as class.

Character Viability - 7/10
Abd-al Hazir's character does little but narrate the scene given. I don't feel any real connection to this character. Since Abd-al Hazir takes up the majority of the story, I felt no real connection to the Dhampir in the story. I would like to have felt some anguish and suffering from the Dhampir for the loss of his mother or more fear and feeling from Abd-al Hazir

Clarity of Writing - 9/10
The story is very clear and easy to follow. I never found myself having to re-read sections to gain more clarity. The story paints an obvious picture while leaving out unnecessary details to the story.


Overall Score: 38/50

Overall, it just needs more. It is a great beginning and a good story considering its use. I would like to get more on the Dhampirs and have them fully fleshed out as beings in Sanctuary.