I thought you did very well. I especially liked the sentence: "His head rolled off his shoulders as the surprised look froze upon his face for eternity."
One bit of encouragement - and do not take this as cutting you down. Read and re-read your work - there are several grammar mistakes that we all make. We are only human. Additionally, try your damnest to not take any ideas from movies. I felt I was reading a book on Starship Troopers near the end with the demon stabbing through the shoulder. All in all I rate this a 4 out of 5. Please continue - I like your work
PS - in quotes you can add End Punctuation for added emphasis. Like the Governor cried out, "I'll kill you - you motherless swine!"
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"All good things must come to an end."
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One bit of encouragement - and do not take this as cutting you down. Read and re-read your work - there are several grammar mistakes that we all make. We are only human. Additionally, try your damnest to not take any ideas from movies. I felt I was reading a book on Starship Troopers near the end with the demon stabbing through the shoulder. All in all I rate this a 4 out of 5. Please continue - I like your work
PS - in quotes you can add End Punctuation for added emphasis. Like the Governor cried out, "I'll kill you - you motherless swine!"