It is such a shitty feeling when absolutely all motivation to do anything is sucked out of you because one person likes to take their stress out on everyone around them and make them miserable.
I very rarely have a bad night these days, but this is definitely one of them. Really fucks me up and I wish I could just go to bed but I can't calm down enough to do that.
I've also only ever really had one or two close friends at a time. Over the last few years though, those relationships have drifted apart. I've completely lost touch with one of my friends, and the other we're just not as close anymore for some reason. I think part of it was on me though. I feel I've messed things up before and I've had to distance myself a bit from people. I guess it's a defense mechanism of sorts. I've been more comfortable and able to focus on my own life though because of it, so I don't think it's a bad thing. It's about time I've focused on myself anyway.
You should keep in mind that there is never a bad time to repair relationships. I mean, they were once your very close friends and would probably become that again as long as you feel up to the task to contact them and tell them more about how you've been recently and explain some of the things you've written here. If you are ready for that, of course.
Friendships may be put on hold during hard times, but will rarely disappear if they (and you) are true to one another.
I do agree with you, but it depends on the friendship as well. There are one or two people I could probably contact and start to repair things. There was one case, however, where the person would always go back to treating me like shit. I basically had to end things because I wasn't going to let this person keep treating me this way. Yes, we were best friends at one point, but to me it's not worth it to put myself in a situation like that again. I do see this person around time to time, and I can act kind toward them, I'm not a nasty person, but it won't go beyond casual conversation.
Maybe the others I will contact at some point, but I feel like I've got too much to worry about right now to really try to repair anything like that.
I have also found that while my good friends are gone (I do have many friends, but nobody who is not a family member that is close to me), the introspection that void has given me has allowed me to at least reign in some of my behavior issues and think for myself about the issues in life. I still miss my friends of old, the only things I still pine to return to, but I am now a person, and I doubt I would be able to connect to them if they came back anyway. Few things hurt worse than losing friends, especially when you are the reason they are gone.
That's true. There were a few friends I would fall out with every now and then. I would end up missing them enough that I'd try to bring the friendship back to the level it was at. It never worked that way though, and most times history would repeat itself and we'd end up in the same spot. You basically have to just let go, and learn from it in those situations. I felt like I was cursed for a long time, because I'd end up being really close with a friend, and then they'd stop talking to me out of no where. Never understood why, I still don't, but I've learned that you can't force a friendship, and some things are better to just let go of and learn from them as best you can.
I also feel the same about old friends who I still feel I miss. If we were to start talking today I doubt we would connect in the same way that we used to. I've changed a lot in just this last year alone, so it's not like they would even know me anymore.
This thread surprised me. The answers are remarkably deep and serious. I dare bet that to all those discussing their deepest emotions here it must feel quite cathartic.
For me, as many, I haven't always enjoyed life. I've always been quite on my own, holding only two close friends. This may not seem like much, but they're both very deep friendships, that I'll carry with me for the rest of my life.
I have some trouble enjoying the Diablo 3 launch this year... because May 16th 2011, one of those friends was shot and killed by her jealous and psychotic ex boyfriend.
Wouldn't say I ever seriously considered killing myself. But the world did become a much darker place.
Sorry to hear about your friend. I can understand how this would be a difficult time because of that.
This thread actually surprised me too. I wasn't sure how people would react when I was being completely honest about how I've felt about things. It's good to know there's other people around who are similar.
I've also only ever really had one or two close friends at a time. Over the last few years though, those relationships have drifted apart. I've completely lost touch with one of my friends, and the other we're just not as close anymore for some reason. I think part of it was on me though. I feel I've messed things up before and I've had to distance myself a bit from people. I guess it's a defense mechanism of sorts. I've been more comfortable and able to focus on my own life though because of it, so I don't think it's a bad thing. It's about time I've focused on myself anyway.
Listening to this atm, it kind of calms me. You would want to lower your sound a lot if you will play this. I don't recomend you to play tihs tho it's freaking grose.
Strangely enough, I understand this. Sometimes I'm in a mood where I'm so pissed off at everything and the world, and somehow listening to crazy crap like this calms me. Maybe it's because it's so effed up and angry sounding that it's like me taking my anger out without actually doing anything. I can't really explain it, but I think I understand how it could calm you.
It's good to know I'm not alone =) And after I read what you said, about not being concerned with heaven or hell, I kind of realized I'm not either. I think I say I am just because I think I'm supposed to be, but honestly I'm not. It's strange ><
And yea, it is comforting knowing there's an end somewhere. Personally I know I'll one day find it, so I might as well not search for it.
Were you raised in a religious family? I don't even know if my parents are religious or not. They may believe in things, but they've never really expressed their views, and never pushed them on me or my brother while we were growing up. Maybe because of that, neither me or my brother really believe in that sort of thing. Most everyone I know is religious though, because they were brought up that way. I guess I feel lucky that I wasn't, though, because I don't have to concern myself with being worried about going to heaven or hell, I know that one day I will just stop and it ends there. I think if I thought there was an afterlife I'd be constantly stressing out about how I'm doing in this life, to ensure I have a better afterlife. If that makes sense?
I don't think I'd ever kill myself. Although...I have hoped that I would simply not wake up one morning since I was about 8 or 9..
I've thought about it before, in times of grief and laughably in times of pure boredom. The thought comes out when I deeply think about society, and what I'm supposed to do in the eyes of others, and about when I'm older. But (and sure this sounds kinda cheesy) I literally look outside, either at the mountains or the trees, or my favorite; The clouds. And I just get this, feeling I guess you'd call it. I realize that sure one day I will die, but I'm pretty damn positive I'll never come back to life. I want to believe in God, but deep down I know for sure that I'm an animal, just like all the other animals, living on this world just like everything else, and when I die, that'l be it. I REALLY wish there's a heaven, but it just doesn't make sense, ya know?
So what keep me alive and going? It literally boils down for me to this; Since I'll be dying one day, I might as well stay alive as long as possible, doing whatever makes me happy, considering I probably won't be alive again.
I definitely feel like this too! The only thing with me is that I'm not concerned with anything like heaven and hell, but I find great comfort in the fact that I will die some day, and that will be it. It's kind of weird because every friend I've had has feared death so much. I find it to be very comforting somehow. I guess knowing that there is an end to things, and that will be it. And also what you said, that I may as well live as much as I can until I die.
What keeps me going? The fact that there are people around me who would be very hurt if I decide to stop going. That would be selfish.
I used to think the exact same thing. My first girlfriend attempted to commit suicide on a few occasions. I say attempted because anyone that really wants to, won't fail. She was just trying to get people's attention. But I digress. You must understand, that saying it's "selfish" is a very judgmental attitude. The person that is thinking about suicide is being selfish by a happy person's point of view, but to them they are just scared and tired. They are looking for relief in the last place they want to. Nobody really wants to die, they want relief from whatever is causing them stress and sorrow. People that want to commit suicide are in all accounts "unhealthy". I don't mean to affend by saying that, but I believe thoughts of suicide come from an unhealthy lifestyle and mind. (I've been there) Saying they are being selfish is like calling a person with down syndrome a retard. Its not fair to judge them for their feelings.
I feel the same, I don't think it's right to call a suicidal person selfish. A friend I used to have would say I'm very selfish for thinking about suicide. She was depressed too, but not suicidal. I felt that, in a way, she was being selfish, because she wanted me to stay around so she wouldn't have so suffer my loss. But for her to not be hurt by that, I had to stay alive, and then I'd be suffering. It's all a matter of how you look at it, I don't think there's a right or wrong answer to it really. I also don't think the other person always understands the suicidal person. Also, that friend I had, would disappear and not talk to me for months, which in that way, she was being selfish because she was doing it for her own reasons. I never blamed her for it though.
I don't think I'd ever kill myself. Although...I have hoped that I would simply not wake up one morning since I was about 8 or 9..
I started feeling like that around that age too. I find it odd now thinking about it that I was such a young age. Back then though, I thought I wanted to never wake up, and wished I simply didn't exist. I think it was the start of my suicidal feelings, just that back then I didn't know what suicide was at all.
@ssdd87 That's kind of what I'm like. I keep thinking about what I want down the road... I don't think I'll ever have a family, not really interested in it, but I definitely want to own my own house/property, and live comfortable doing something I love to do. It took me years to finally get the courage to take the leap toward working toward that goal. I think I'm finally on the right track... It will take a while, but I'm at least moving forward instead of sitting around every day being miserable.
It's nice to have goals to work toward and dream of achieving some day. I guess that's what really gets me motivated these days.
I wasn't bullied much in school. I was the really quiet kid who didn't talk to anyone and everyone ignored me. There were very few cases where I felt someone was picking on me while at school, I guess I am fortunate that way.
Where I was bullied though was at home, mostly by my mom. She is still like that today but I have learned to completely ignore her because she is trying to get a rise out of me. Once I understood that the reason she is such a b!tch toward me is because of her own problems and she needs someone to take it out on, I learned to deal with it and not feed into her shit. She's treated me that way for as long as I can remember though, which has really screwed me over in a lot of ways. Probably a reason for my social anxiety and mistrust and crap.
I never figured I'd be posting this on a forum like this, but there's no harm in being honest, so I'll tell you!
I didn't always feel great waking up each day. In fact, just a few years ago, I absolutely hated life. Things get shitty, and I felt like I just had to deal with it that way. I'm bipolar, have huge social anxiety, and that makes anything I have to do that involves leaving my room extremely shitty. The only thing that was keeping me going over the years was my dog, which sometimes wasn't enough.
About my dog - He's a Shetland Sheepdog named Turner. He's 7 years old now. I love him more than anything, he's pretty much my best friend. He's never let me down, and isn't going to screw me over. What does he have in life to be happy about? Pretty much, me. He depends on me to give him a good life, which is always what I told myself any time I thought about ending everything. I still have to tell myself that sometimes.
I've changed in the last year or so though, I decided to take control of my life a bit more and stop being a pussy. I stopped caring so much what other people think. Things won't get better if I hibernate in my room forever. Things sure aren't perfect now, but I have a better way of looking at things now, and know that things will be better. The worse thing that can happen to me is I lose everything I have, am homeless on the street, and eventually die. It doesn't sound too bad to me when I think that all I wanted was to die in the first place.
Plus I've actually been excited about things lately (Diablo III one of them!) so I kind of want to stick around for a bit!
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I very rarely have a bad night these days, but this is definitely one of them. Really fucks me up and I wish I could just go to bed but I can't calm down enough to do that.
I do agree with you, but it depends on the friendship as well. There are one or two people I could probably contact and start to repair things. There was one case, however, where the person would always go back to treating me like shit. I basically had to end things because I wasn't going to let this person keep treating me this way. Yes, we were best friends at one point, but to me it's not worth it to put myself in a situation like that again. I do see this person around time to time, and I can act kind toward them, I'm not a nasty person, but it won't go beyond casual conversation.
Maybe the others I will contact at some point, but I feel like I've got too much to worry about right now to really try to repair anything like that.
Videos like this make life worth living. If it makes me laugh, it's worth it.
That's true. There were a few friends I would fall out with every now and then. I would end up missing them enough that I'd try to bring the friendship back to the level it was at. It never worked that way though, and most times history would repeat itself and we'd end up in the same spot. You basically have to just let go, and learn from it in those situations. I felt like I was cursed for a long time, because I'd end up being really close with a friend, and then they'd stop talking to me out of no where. Never understood why, I still don't, but I've learned that you can't force a friendship, and some things are better to just let go of and learn from them as best you can.
I also feel the same about old friends who I still feel I miss. If we were to start talking today I doubt we would connect in the same way that we used to. I've changed a lot in just this last year alone, so it's not like they would even know me anymore.
Haha, this is full of winsauce! I think I will print it and post it on my wall.
Sorry to hear about your friend.
This thread actually surprised me too. I wasn't sure how people would react when I was being completely honest about how I've felt about things. It's good to know there's other people around who are similar.
I've also only ever really had one or two close friends at a time. Over the last few years though, those relationships have drifted apart. I've completely lost touch with one of my friends, and the other we're just not as close anymore for some reason. I think part of it was on me though. I feel I've messed things up before and I've had to distance myself a bit from people. I guess it's a defense mechanism of sorts. I've been more comfortable and able to focus on my own life though because of it, so I don't think it's a bad thing. It's about time I've focused on myself anyway.
Strangely enough, I understand this. Sometimes I'm in a mood where I'm so pissed off at everything and the world, and somehow listening to crazy crap like this calms me. Maybe it's because it's so effed up and angry sounding that it's like me taking my anger out without actually doing anything. I can't really explain it, but I think I understand how it could calm you.
I do that all the time.
Were you raised in a religious family? I don't even know if my parents are religious or not. They may believe in things, but they've never really expressed their views, and never pushed them on me or my brother while we were growing up. Maybe because of that, neither me or my brother really believe in that sort of thing. Most everyone I know is religious though, because they were brought up that way. I guess I feel lucky that I wasn't, though, because I don't have to concern myself with being worried about going to heaven or hell, I know that one day I will just stop and it ends there. I think if I thought there was an afterlife I'd be constantly stressing out about how I'm doing in this life, to ensure I have a better afterlife. If that makes sense?
I definitely feel like this too! The only thing with me is that I'm not concerned with anything like heaven and hell, but I find great comfort in the fact that I will die some day, and that will be it. It's kind of weird because every friend I've had has feared death so much. I find it to be very comforting somehow. I guess knowing that there is an end to things, and that will be it. And also what you said, that I may as well live as much as I can until I die.
I feel the same, I don't think it's right to call a suicidal person selfish. A friend I used to have would say I'm very selfish for thinking about suicide. She was depressed too, but not suicidal. I felt that, in a way, she was being selfish, because she wanted me to stay around so she wouldn't have so suffer my loss. But for her to not be hurt by that, I had to stay alive, and then I'd be suffering. It's all a matter of how you look at it, I don't think there's a right or wrong answer to it really. I also don't think the other person always understands the suicidal person. Also, that friend I had, would disappear and not talk to me for months, which in that way, she was being selfish because she was doing it for her own reasons. I never blamed her for it though.
I started feeling like that around that age too. I find it odd now thinking about it that I was such a young age. Back then though, I thought I wanted to never wake up, and wished I simply didn't exist. I think it was the start of my suicidal feelings, just that back then I didn't know what suicide was at all.
It's nice to have goals to work toward and dream of achieving some day. I guess that's what really gets me motivated these days.
I wasn't bullied much in school. I was the really quiet kid who didn't talk to anyone and everyone ignored me. There were very few cases where I felt someone was picking on me while at school, I guess I am fortunate that way.
Where I was bullied though was at home, mostly by my mom. She is still like that today but I have learned to completely ignore her because she is trying to get a rise out of me. Once I understood that the reason she is such a b!tch toward me is because of her own problems and she needs someone to take it out on, I learned to deal with it and not feed into her shit. She's treated me that way for as long as I can remember though, which has really screwed me over in a lot of ways. Probably a reason for my social anxiety and mistrust and crap.
I didn't always feel great waking up each day. In fact, just a few years ago, I absolutely hated life. Things get shitty, and I felt like I just had to deal with it that way. I'm bipolar, have huge social anxiety, and that makes anything I have to do that involves leaving my room extremely shitty. The only thing that was keeping me going over the years was my dog, which sometimes wasn't enough.
About my dog - He's a Shetland Sheepdog named Turner. He's 7 years old now. I love him more than anything, he's pretty much my best friend. He's never let me down, and isn't going to screw me over. What does he have in life to be happy about? Pretty much, me. He depends on me to give him a good life, which is always what I told myself any time I thought about ending everything. I still have to tell myself that sometimes.
I've changed in the last year or so though, I decided to take control of my life a bit more and stop being a pussy. I stopped caring so much what other people think. Things won't get better if I hibernate in my room forever. Things sure aren't perfect now, but I have a better way of looking at things now, and know that things will be better. The worse thing that can happen to me is I lose everything I have, am homeless on the street, and eventually die. It doesn't sound too bad to me when I think that all I wanted was to die in the first place.
Plus I've actually been excited about things lately (Diablo III one of them!) so I kind of want to stick around for a bit!