DiabloFans

"You didn't answer my question about the anger, sweat, and shame that I smell. Shapeshifting Bloodsucker huh? Don't they all shapeshift? I don't smell any undead thing. I would listen for a heartbeat but they don't have beating hearts."

The anger is me, the shame could be anyone else in here, (looks around suspiciously) and the sweat, I think that might be the stew. And no, not all Vampires shape shift. At least, not the younger ones who have not learned control.

*Subtly looks suspiciously at the unkempt, old man. Puts a cup of fresh human blood on the counter and watches for reaction.*

*wakes up from the dead* finds out there is still a arrow in my knee. not as planned.

"Hi Zhuge!"
*Remembers shapeshifting bloodsucker on the prowl, eyes Zhuge with subtle suspicion, nonchalantly motions towards the cup of fresh human blood.*

*kicks door open* what the hell have you done to the place... its bright in here

"That's because you kicked the door open. Atleast my... um... Zhar?, yeah that's it, Zhar-proofed hinges still work."
*Motions towards the stale human blood.*
Thought somebody would take it by now. Hmmm... Gotta get some fresh blood soon.

*Looks at the glass of rusty-brown substance. Looks around room.*
Damn, the blood is well past coagulation, gonna need a whole new glass it looks like. And nobody moved for quite a while. There's a damn black widow building her web on Zhuge's crotch. I bet that'll hurt like hell and Diablo himself would cringe.

Opens secret trap door, peeks head in and looks around, shakes head and goes back into secret room mumbling...I could have sworn I heard Darkjay in here.

*Hears squeak and looks around. Doesn't see anything*
I thought somebody actually moved. The spider must have sneezed.
"God bless you, black widow."

*Hears a series of clicking and hissing and such that sounds like talking from Zhuge's crotch, "I didn't sneeze, but thank you anyway."*
OH MY GOD IT TALKS!!!

*Stumbles in with weary legs* Am I going to have to kill someone for a seat in this place? *Draws sword and points it directly at the closest man sitting at the bar* You there, get out of my seat. *Awkwardly approaching the bar he collapses from fatigue*

*Brushes aside the thousands of cobwebs, flinging them behind him, attached spiders helplessly follow*

*Some unknown skeleton falls off the corner stool*

*Sits down while looking at the barkeep cautiously*

*without losing eye contact, grabs the first drink within arm reach*

*To show manliness, takes a gulp and slams the cup back down, stale blood spills over the edge*

*Immediately pukes on himself and passes out, falling backwards onto the dusty floor with a loud thump*

*Looks down at unconcious man.*
Hmm...probably not the brightest candle in the pack, drinking that really old blood like that. Didn't realize it was still liquid, looked solid. I guess the bloodsucker isn't around anymore.

"Miz Widow, If you're hungry, there's a cockroach in the hole in the wall. Good sized bugger too. LOOK, there he is!"
*The blackwidow goes to the hole and builds a trap and waits.*

*wakes up just to turn and puke again, adding to the nice little lake on the ground*

*while still lying down, eyes a suspicious piece of folded paper tucked away in a floorboard on the ceiling*

*using a nearby stool he quickly plucks the folded square out of it's hiding hole, and eagerly unwraps it*

Son of a bitch *He thinks to himself* That old lady was right, the map IS here*

*Smiles to himself.*
He spotted the fake map I planted there. I wonder how long it will take for him to realize that it is a poorly drawn version of the Kanto Region? Eh, whatever... Some mango iced tea sounds nice right now...

*completely unaware of the validity of the map, sets off to pay the old lady and go adventuring!*

but first I have this strange need of mango iced tea....

*poors a glass of mango ice tea and suddenly realizes he already poored a glass of mango ice tea
how much did i drink this mornin?

*Sees somebody pour a glass of Mango iced tea.*
"GET OUTTA MY HEAD!!!!"

*The large wooden door begins to creak as a faint smell of listerine begins to float into the tavern*
*The creaking intensifies, and the hinges begin to glow a bright red*
*The door explodes off its hinges as a transparent green figure floats into view*

"YYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111!1!!!!!11"

*Sees destroyed work, bursts into terrifying flame of Fear-Induced-Shit-in-Pants Outrage.*
"FUCK YOU!!!"
*Charges across room with murderous intent and dripping stinger poised to slam home into... woodwork behind Zhar.*

"FUUUUUUUCCKKKKK!!!"
*Calms down pretty damn quickly, with tail stuck in wall.*
"Zhar you're back! You're paying for the door and replacement hinges, and this wall here."

*Gives tail a good yank to get loose, fails.*
"Umm... Little help here? I'm buying several rounds of drinks once I get unstuck and fix the damage.*