Under the Mist

  • #1
    So here is my story that I am working on my free time. I came here to ask for advice more than show off so any contructive criticism will be appreciated. I am aiming for a suspenseful sci-fi book. And please keep in mind that this was written by a 14 year old guy who really has no time to think.

    Edit: Sorry for the random question marks. Those were supposed to be paragraph indents.

    1


    John Harding sighed looking outside the ship windows, though all he saw was a desert of water.
    Being a bearded man of thirties, Doctor J. K. Harding was a marine biologist working for Aqua-Gen. He was standing on the third floor of the research cruise, the Ocean Express. Many people were on working frantically on their computers and he, Harding, just finished calculating water depth in the current area. He was one of the best workers in Aqua-Gen.
    He worked for the company as soon as he got his PhD at Florida University. At that time, Aqua-Gen was a new company and needed programmers and Harding was a genius at computers and an excellent mathematician. When he was in Kindergarten, he already knew the multiplication table and how to write a short website, so he skipped three grades and ended up graduating high school at age 13. For Aqua-Gen, however, he and a couple other men programmed the system that everyone used in the company. It was made to map and calculate the depth of ocean bottoms without actually using satellites.
    Now, they were finishing calculating the depth of a trench and Harding already finished his part.
    All of a sudden, he saw a disturbance in the distance. A dark shape was moving fast toward them. Harding frowned and leaned forward on the bar and tried to focus, but it was moving too fast and was too far away.
    Harding ran to his work area, grabbed his binoculars, and went ran upstairs to the dock. He pressed the binoculars on his eyes and zoomed forward. It looked like a helicopter and it was coming to them.
    More and more people started to come out, including one of the doctors named Kelly Morpan, a girl in her late twenties and a nurse for the ship.
    The helicopter started to slow down as it approached the ship and started to rise a bit more. The roars of the blades were the only sounds anyone could here.
    The helicopter was above the ship and started to drop to the heli-pad at the bow of the ship. Hading could see a word on the side that said: RESCATE, which Harding knew was Spanish for ?rescue?. The helicopter descended and it landed on the landing pad. Harding and Kelly rushed forward. The side of the helicopter opened slowly and formed a ramp.
    At once, two uniformed men came out with stretchers carrying a girl that looked like she was about 13. She was badly injured and had deep gashes and cuts all over her that were still bleeding. Her whole side was cut open so you could see parts of the ribs in her and her head was moving from side to side from the wind from the helicopter blades. Her eyes were closed but her chest was moving up and down so she must still be alive.
    ?Oh my god,? said Kelly, and she rushed forward.
    The man spoke with a strong Spanish accent, ?We need a doctor, Se?orita. Do you know anyone??
    ?I am Doctor Morpan,? she said. ?Do you have anyone else??
    ?We have two more,? he said. ?I?ll call them out. RICARDO! BRING IN THE REST!?
    There were shouts in Spanish and the blades were turned off. Two more pairs of uniformed men came out carrying two adults, who had injuries as bad as the girl?s. Kelly led them off to the surgery room automatically and Harding followed them.
    Kelly put on a surgical mask and put on her gloves. ?Put the girl on the table.?
    They did what she asked and put here on the operating table.
    ?Give me some medical towels, John,? said Kelly. He quickly gave them to her. Kelly put an oxygen mask on her and told the men to put them on the two adults too.
    ?Deep gash on the side,? she told him. ?Oval shaped. Looks like a humongous animal bite. A shark possibly??
    ?No,? said John, as Kelly put a towel on the gash. He looked closer and saw large teeth marks on her left-upper chest. ?Shark teeth are flat and their sides face you. These are more like fangs on a snake, thin and very sharp. Those types of teeth are usually used to inject poisons. Flat ones like sharks are use to slice and to tear.? He all of a sudden shivered. If there were poison in the teeth, then, due to the location of the marks, they would quickly go to the heart.
    ?John, put pressure on the wound,? said Kelly. John quickly put on gloves and took a towel to slightly push on the large cut. Kelly got a syringe and injected her with morphine. John looked closer and the cut and saw that there was some foam at the side of the ribs.
    ?Kelly,? he said. ?After you?re finished, can you grab me a sample of the foam there.?
    ?No problem,? she said. She looked at the men who working on the adults. ?How are they doing??
    ?Not so good,? they said. ?Their breathing is easing.?
    ?Give them some morphine,? Kelly said, giving them the syringe. ?The girl has massive blood loss.?
    ?Did you find them in the water,? Harding asked.
    ?Yes, Se?or,? one of the men said. ?The girl was. When we picked her up, she was in the water near the propeller.?
    ?And them?? she asked.
    ?Unconscious on the ship dock,? they said.
    ?Yeah,? said Kelly. ?She has a lot of saltwater in her blood and on her internal organs. It?s a miracle that she?s not dead now.?
    All of a sudden, the girl?s eyes started to open. She looked exhausted and in pain. John started forward, ?Are you okay??
    She barely nodded.
    ?What happened?? asked Kelly.
    But at that moment, the girl?s mouth opened and blood drooled down her neck. Her eyes rolled back and she was motionless.
    ?Oh my god,? she said. She grabbed the IV container and put the needle into her wrist.
    ?She?s still breathing,? Kelly said. ?John, get another medical towel and take care of the two adults.?
    They were both male and in their twenties. One of them had a gash on their neck as deep as the one that the girl has. The other one just had a lot of cuts, though they were really deep.
    ?We?re losing the girl,? said Kelly. Her voice was panicked and she started to clean the wound out.
    Harding forgot that he was supposed to watch the two adults. He went to the girl and took another towel and started to clean the cut on her chest.
    ?Her breathing is easing,? she said. ?Her heart is slowing down. Oh god. No... no... please, no... John... Her heart is stopped... Oh god... John...?
    There was a terrified silence.
    ?She?s gone.?
    ?What!? he said in disbelieve.
    ?She?s dead.?

    The girl?s death was a horrible impact on John and he couldn?t get over it. One of the adults died too but the other one Kelly managed to save. But the adult death didn?t strike him more then the girl?s. The male adult was still unconscious, but getting better. Kelly gave Harding a sample of the foam on the girl?s ribs and he was now looking for matches. He already saved the information of the DNA as sample number 29832. He was now looking at a screen that said:

    user
    -hardingj127645
    password
    -auroraborealis
    aqua-gen services ready
    -access DNA search program
    accessing...
    access granted
    enter command
    -cmd 29832
    uploaded DNA sample 29832
    enter command
    -cmd planetary search
    searching for matches for DNA sample 29832...


    He was getting impatient. He looked at his watch and saw that fifteen minutes have passed since he entered the command to search for matches. Finally, it said:




    user
    -hardingj127645
    password
    -auroraborealis
    aqua-gen services ready
    -access DNA search program
    accessing...
    access granted
    enter command
    -cmd 29832
    uploaded DNA sample 29832
    enter command
    -cmd planetary search
    searching for matches for DNA sample 29832...
    no match found
    Respectful is a strong word...
  • #2
  • #3
    Hello.. I am baby janlac from the land of Philippines...______________________The tribe
  • #4
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  • #5
    Askcost is USA online shopping malls,compare prices site,shopping search engine,it can increase store sales,Compare Prices and find lowest prices from online merchants.all the tools to help make shopping simple.
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