DiabloFans Writing Guild

  • #21
    A Lesson in Life and Death By:shibblicious

    Style - 8/10
    I liked the idea of doing it from somebody else's point of view rather than from the Dhampir's point of view. Writing as on of Abd-al Hazir's journal is a fun approach to the story.

    Originality - 7/10
    Obviously the style is taken from Diablo's website. Vampire's themselves are also not original. However, I loved the unique twist that the Dhampir's are fighting against their makers because of the death's of their mothers. This is a great idea to get an "evil" class on the side of good.

    Overall Story - 7/10
    I liked the situation that was given but it was much too short and didn't dive deep enough into the story of the Dhampirs. I would have like to have gotten some better and more flushed out history of the Dhampirs. Also, there is no real plot to the story other than to give a small back story to the Dhampirs as class.

    Character Viability - 7/10
    Abd-al Hazir's character does little but narrate the scene given. I don't feel any real connection to this character. Since Abd-al Hazir takes up the majority of the story, I felt no real connection to the Dhampir in the story. I would like to have felt some anguish and suffering from the Dhampir for the loss of his mother or more fear and feeling from Abd-al Hazir

    Clarity of Writing - 9/10
    The story is very clear and easy to follow. I never found myself having to re-read sections to gain more clarity. The story paints an obvious picture while leaving out unnecessary details to the story.


    Overall Score: 38/50

    Overall, it just needs more. It is a great beginning and a good story considering its use. I would like to get more on the Dhampirs and have them fully fleshed out as beings in Sanctuary.

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  • #22
    Dfans the movie- the Journey Begins. by Nekrodrac

    Style - 9/10
    Love the narration of the story. I like how the narrator interacts with both the reader and the characters. I also love the little tidbits at the end of the actual story to give it some more character.

    Originality - 9/10
    So far, the story has been set up well and the story is very unique. There is a fully fleshed out lore for the story and the overall outline seems very unique given its fantasy genre.

    Overall Story - 8/10
    The overall story has not progressed to much yet. The two protagonists have started on the journey. The background, however, laid out in the second chapters has set up the rest of the story very well. You get a sense of what has happened on these lands so far and have been given vague reasons for the story to continue.

    Character Viability - 7/10
    While the characters is the story are fun because they pertain to the users on these forums, the only real character that has been talked about is Nekro's. I think too many people have been introduced to early, not giving them enough time to develop as real characters.

    Clarity of Writing - 8/10
    The story reads fairly well. There are a few grammatical errors that get in the way of the writing. The story could also benefit from being broken up into clearer paragraphs and sections. I like that the narrator's voice switches to a different color when the dialogue is meant to be more direct.

    Overall Score: 41/50
    So far the story has been great. The story seems interesting and I can't wait to read more. The ScyberDragon summon better be amazing :P

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  • #23
    Some major updating to do tonight- you guys went wild today with fanfic's. Give me a few hours while I sort through some other news stuff and some PM's :D
  • #24
    The Veiling: Chapters II and III by Seth

    Style - 8/10
    Nothing special about the style but nothing bad about it either.

    Originality - 9/10
    Great twist on the Diablo lore. The whole setup in the beginning is a unique way to start the story and the rest follows suit. The characters are also very imaginative and creative.

    Overall Story - 8/10
    The story is pretty good so far. Every time you read a section, you wonder what will happen next. There have been some major events that have already occurred and I can't wait to see what happens next.

    Character Viability - 9/10
    I feel very connected to the main character. I understand his feelings and why and what he is doing. Other characters have been given clear voices that make them unique and stand out. I would like another character to connect with as much as Nyeyon.

    Clarity of Writing - 9/10
    Very clear reading. There are next to no spelling and grammar mistakes to get in the way. The only time I have a problem is with the switching back and forth in dialogue. Sometimes it was hard to understand who was saying which line.

    Overall Score: 43/50
    The story has a great start. I can't wait top see what else happens along Nyeyon's path. I would like to see a little more action to keep the story moving.

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  • #25
    Oh, I thought I might write up a synopsis.(hope i am posting this in the right place)
    Well here goes...

    You want action? We give you action. You want sex tips? We give you sex tips.
    You want romance? Go watch Titanic dammit.
    Follow the adventures of familiar characters through perilous quests in the first writings to ever be rendered in 3D. Yes 3D! This multibillion(yes Billion) dollar project will sweep you off your feet into madness and unveil all the mysteries behind the word sex.
    I hope it makes sense.

    Oh and i noticed when I clicked on the Redemption of the Vizjerei link in Seth's critic post, it lead me to Heroes of Despair by Guasti.
  • #26
    Updated OP with recent ratings/crits, works, and fixed the link (thanks Nek!).
  • #27
    I reviewed A Lesson in Life and Death By:shibblicious

    Here

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  • #28
    Woops, thanks Scyb, all updated :hammy:

    (And on that note, if you guys put your reviews/crits in the threads for the fanfics, please post a reminder in this thread- I'm not, popular to contrary belief, omniscient!)
  • #29
    Quote from "ScyberDragon" »
    A Lesson in Life and Death By:shibblicious

    Style - 8/10
    I liked the idea of doing it from somebody else's point of view rather than from the Dhampir's point of view. Writing as on of Abd-al Hazir's journal is a fun approach to the story.

    Originality - 7/10
    Obviously the style is taken from Diablo's website. Vampire's themselves are also not original. However, I loved the unique twist that the Dhampir's are fighting against their makers because of the death's of their mothers. This is a great idea to get an "evil" class on the side of good.

    Overall Story - 7/10
    I liked the situation that was given but it was much too short and didn't dive deep enough into the story of the Dhampirs. I would have like to have gotten some better and more flushed out history of the Dhampirs. Also, there is no real plot to the story other than to give a small back story to the Dhampirs as class.

    Character Viability - 7/10
    Abd-al Hazir's character does little but narrate the scene given. I don't feel any real connection to this character. Since Abd-al Hazir takes up the majority of the story, I felt no real connection to the Dhampir in the story. I would like to have felt some anguish and suffering from the Dhampir for the loss of his mother or more fear and feeling from Abd-al Hazir

    Clarity of Writing - 9/10
    The story is very clear and easy to follow. I never found myself having to re-read sections to gain more clarity. The story paints an obvious picture while leaving out unnecessary details to the story.


    Overall Score: 38/50

    Overall, it just needs more. It is a great beginning and a good story considering its use. I would like to get more on the Dhampirs and have them fully fleshed out as beings in Sanctuary.



    Thanks for the review ScyberD! I really didn't think anyone would do a review on it yet as it is only just the beginning..

    You really hit the nail on the head with your analysis of the strengths and weaknesses of what I have written so far. Your review has actually helped me decide where the story should go next...

    Make sure you update your review when I finish the story though! :P

    Thanks again
    -Pray for the mercy of a quick deatH-
    [THREAD LINK="http://www.diablofans.com/forums/showpost.php?p=441700&postcount=19"]MONKS OF SANCTUARY[/THREAD LINK] - (Won Comp & was a correct guess for the 4th Class announced at Blizzcon09! :cool:)

    [THREAD LINK="http://www.diablofans.com/forums/showthread.php?t=21601&highlight=nomad"]NOMAD (5th Class Spec)[/THREAD LINK]

    [THREAD LINK="http://www.diablofans.com/forums/showthread.php?t=21601"]DHAMPIR (5th Class Spec)[/THREAD LINK]
  • #30
    of course, that is why the writing guild is here. I look forward to reading more.

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  • #31
    synopsis:

    Monk E-Mayhem:
    A light tale of a boy and his journey of making it as a Monk with many misconceptions along the way.

    The Mercenary -
    The story of a mercenary on the road to redemption.

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  • #32
    Wrote up something.

    Title: Fairy Tale Revisited

    Synopsis
    Hello there. It's me- Mr Narrator. While browsing through these forums, I realized the terrible and saddening situation that has befallen our fellow users. They seem to paddle in ignorance and have forgotten the perennial morals and values of our good old fairy tales. However, this need not continue.
    So, in my great generosity and compassion, I have decided to spare some of my time and infinite wisdom to tell you of the stories that have graced our childhood, and also reveal the shocking truths that your parents could not tell you due to the blissful innocence of your then unblemished minds.


    It's meant to be a series with completely new and different chars for each story. Oh well...we'll see how it goes. Have fun.
  • #33
    Working on updating this, and a warm welcome to shibblicious! Sorry it took so long!
  • #34
    /OP updated. Tell me if I missed anything.
  • #35
    My fiction is on rocks right now because of finals coming up. During the weekend, I'm going to be getting more writing in. Mostly, it's just been me polishing stuff since I don't know where to take the story now (I have a few ideas, but they don't seem very logical), but I'll upload polished versions of previous entries in the OP this weekend.

    I promise.

    I hate the way you cling to ignorance and pass it off as innocence
  • #36
    Cool, cool. Looking forward to it. Any chance you wouldn't mind giving some hints as to what it is? :D
  • #37
    I'm thinking about introducing the Nazgul. That idea really kinda stuck with me, but I just don't know how exactly to introduce them.

    Might just make them landlords or some shit.

    I hate the way you cling to ignorance and pass it off as innocence
  • #38
    If I'm not botching up my memory of them, the Witch King is the greatest of them. You could always have him be the landlord and have the rest as...cronies of some nature.
  • #39
    I was thinking of having the Nazgul be obstacles along the way since the troupe will be traveling all over Washington and shit, having to go to Mt. Rainier to destroy the _________, the Nazgul might just be landlords at various motels. I don't know what to do with the Witch King.

    I hate the way you cling to ignorance and pass it off as innocence
  • #40
    The letter is due out this Monday, though I might send it a day or so earlier since it's mostly done. Going to put a snippet about your up-coming work in it, Az, as well as some other things.
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