Barbas' Paragon

  • #1
    Diablo fanfic series. If any of the downloads fail, refresh the page a few times.

    The Amber Necklace
    Witch, They Cried
    The Gates of Hell (Coming next week -- 03/25/2012 - 03/31/2012)
    Pons' Continuum (Working Title, Forthcoming)
  • #2
    That's awesome Hammy. I will honor the work you put into it and read it SoonTM. Along with Nekrodrac's read I had been meaning to read forever.
    "I want to say something but I'll keep it to myself I guess and leave this useless post behind to make you aware that there WAS something... "
    -Equinox

    "We're like the downtown of the Diablo related internet lol"
    -Winged
  • #3
    Quote from Umpa

    That's awesome Hammy. I will honor the work you put into it and read it SoonTM. Along with Nekrodrac's read I had been meaning to read forever.


    Thanks! I look forward to your feedback. I need your feedback. Please. I uploaded an edited version to fix some typos and introduce a new motive/character element.
  • #4
    I preferred the ending actually more. Though it was a bit sad. :tongue:

    [spoil]I hope Rykkard can make a comeback... The amber necklace does have certain powers to raise the dead. She knows where his body is and he swore that Oriax would pay.[/spoil]

    My only criticism and it might just be me is details can be a great way to make a setting more familiar to the reader but they can be overdone. In this case it worked out good, details more heavily in the beginning to get a sense and then a little more lax to get back to the meat of the story.

    Thats usually the problem I have with books especially fantasy novels some go too far into detail about small things that really don't matter THAT much. That was the the hardest part about reading the Diablo books for me. It gets boring if you oversaturate your story with that.

    All in all though, very good read. I'm jealous I can't portray some of my ideas in such a well construed manner. :thumbsup:
  • #5
    OP updated with second part: Witch, They Cried.

    Quote from Daemaro

    I preferred the ending actually more. Though it was a bit sad. :tongue:


    That was the intent. I'm afraid it went a bit deus ex machina, though. It's not so much an ending as a beginning. Now that I'm writing the third part, I'm looking on TAN as more of a prologue than anything.

    [spoil]I hope Rykkard can make a comeback... The amber necklace does have certain powers to raise the dead. She knows where his body is and he swore that Oriax would pay.[/spoil]


    [spoil]"...the amber necklace, which houses the will of Barbas and the power to transform the flesh of man into the damned flesh of Hell." (pages 9 ~ 10)

    Rykkard will return. Soon. Though not how you'd expect. Part three will be rife with demons.[/spoil]

    My only criticism and it might just be me is details can be a great way to make a setting more familiar to the reader but they can be overdone. In this case it worked out good, details more heavily in the beginning to get a sense and then a little more lax to get back to the meat of the story.


    I was afraid of that :( I though the ending had very little substance to it. I tried to make it worth reading by ending with...well, that last scene. The first 1/3 of the story is basically character exposition, the middle 1/3 is mostly fact after fact, and the last 1/3 is journeying. The tail end of the last 1/3 is action.

    Thats usually the problem I have with books especially fantasy novels some go too far into detail about small things that really don't matter THAT much. That was the the hardest part about reading the Diablo books for me. It gets boring if you oversaturate your story with that.


    It's a hold-over from high fantasy, which all other genres of modern fantasy (dark/Gothic fantasy, contemporary fantasy, post-apocalyptic, etc.) stemmed from. High fantasy was basically created by Tolkien, although it can be traced back as far as The Worm Ouroboros.

    All in all though, very good read. I'm jealous I can't portray some of my ideas in such a well construed manner. :thumbsup:


    I'm not going to claim my writing is anywhere close to perfect, or even that great, but the best way to improve is through lots and lots of practice. I have heaps of stories I've written since I was eleven. Reading, too, helps. Even if it's something that's really bland, boring, etc., I try to learn from it by noting what made it boring and why, and how it could have been avoided. I also keep a journal on me all the time to jot down ideas about anything from dialogue to character motivations to scene...etc.

    Thanks for reading it, DaeDae :hammy: Sorry I didn't respond for so long. I wanted to make sure I had the second part done and reread the first part so that I wouldn't contradict myself.
  • #6
    I'll have to get to reading it later tonight. :D I'll grab some leftover ham and deviled eggs from dinner and have a good read.
  • #7
    It's significantly shorter than the first one. Fifteen-ish pages should only take like twenty minutes. There were complaints about how long I've made other things. Kind of made me sad. It made it very hard to affect any sense of building tension.
  • #8
    Sorry I haven't got to it yet. Got caught up in a anime. XD Will read it ASAP. Possibly tonight if fiancee doesn't want to hang out. She works nights and it's her day off.

    BTW are these names loosely based on forum names? Rykkard. Figolan.


    Just finished the second part. Very good. I can't wait to see where this goes.

    I had almost thought for a moment Eyrin wasn't truly Rykkards daughter maybe that's why the necklace wasn't working like Oriax had intended.
  • #9
    Quote from Daemaro

    BTW are these names loosely based on forum names? Rykkard. Figolan.


    It was subconcious. I didn't realize that until after I had finished and posted the first part :P

    [spoil] I had almost thought for a moment Eyrin wasn't truly Rykkards daughter maybe that's why the necklace wasn't working like Oriax had intended.[/spoil]


    [spoil]
    It's his misunderstanding of humanity that keeps him from seeing why Eyrin was not at first filled with the hate and anger needed for him to slowly turn her and "use" her. She's only a child, albeit one shunned. Her ignorance is largely what kept her safe from developing into the monster Oriax wanted, but it was also something else. More on that in part three. Regardless, part two is what shows her past, how she comes to be who she is in part three and four, and what compels her to do what she does later.

    I wanted to show Oriax cajoling the town into a more confrontational action with Imlada and Eyrin, but it was getting near thirty pages again and I heard people didn't read these mostly because they were so long. So I cut it out. I can still convey something of the same effect in the next part with some reflection on Oriax' part.
    [/spoil]
  • #10
    Pfft I'd still read 30 page ones, just expect it to take longer.

    PS: Feel free to subconsciously use my name.
  • #11
    I'm a little over forty pages into The Gates of Hell, which feels like about half way. I hope to have it ready by next week at the latest. (This is why I haven't really been on the board lately.)

    Quote from Daemaro

    PS: Feel free to subconsciously use my name.


    ;) That's all I'll say. I don't know if you'll like him, though.
  • #12
    Wow looking at a long read then. :D Can't wait.
  • To post a comment, please or register a new account.
Posts Quoted:
Reply
Clear All Quotes