There's gonna be loads of side quests my good Umpa.
Now let your imagination roll...
Story and plot is not as random as many of you think but hey I can guarantee lots of surprises, action scenes and more importantly sex tips.
As soon as I knew people approved of it, i wrote down the main quests and char bio...
That dissertation sure puts me in the 'writing mood'
I had been working on a book. I have already planned out the plot. That was a few months ago. I did it with my bro. Won't be working on it till really late this year though. Lots of complicated words in there...kinda of grandiose lol...I hate using 'complicated' words...feels fake but that's because I lack practice. I like to express myself with the 'basic' words.
It helps me build the foundation and fill up my vocabulary reservoir with drinkable water...Did I make any sense there? Lol...
If I make good progress, i"ll let you have a taste but I doubt it will be this year. Too much to do. And am taking a lot of extra and 'unnecessary' modules because i find them so interesting...
Pff...time...I wish it would slow down a bit...or maybe get a few extra hours in a day. Would have to relocate on a planet further from our good old sun. Heard their days are longer there...
Will probably take a break from fanfic after next month. Then will resume after a couple of months when I hit the blessed holidays.
I hope you people won't be sending me death threats then... J/K
Well if you want me to end it by then, it will a rushed finish...and pretty tasteless too(IMO)...
Either that or you equip yourself with some patience...
Tolkien wrote something brilliant about how a true story never ends. Just different characters taking up where the others last left and pursuing the adventures...
Don't know the exact quote...don't have my book with me.
Anyway love that quote. Will look it up sometime and post it here.
Don't worry. I won't let you down. :thumbsup:
So many emoticons there...hehehe...
Results will be out next Thursday. Will show answers and declare winner with some general comments. Then will release next chapter right away.
Thank you for participating guys and of course thanks to all the readers for reading and giving their encouragements.
--------------------DMM results------------------------------ 24th Feb
a) Werehamster, lieutenant of Daemaro.
b) the world is called Precelsus Tutshi
d) when you read next chapter, you'll know.
Nacho is the clear winner. Won't go in the marks details, but if you check his answers, you'll understand.
Last question, nobody was able to get very close, though most of you scored the same marks with Umpa the highest on this one. Nacho- 60 points and +rep
Consolation prizes. There's 2.
One for funniest description of part (d) which goes to Shatt and the other to the first ever participant of DMM which goes to Umpa. Yay! You all win. Shatterer- 30 exp points. Umpa- 25 exp points.
Edit 2- Will be busy tomorrow, so am putting out the chapter a bit earlier. Enjoy!
Next chapter will then be next Thursday.
Narrator- "Nacho is in the forest of Gurk on his knees with the terrible Shatterer towering in front of him.
No...no that's not what you are thinking... But who exactly is Shatterer or what is he?"
Shatterer- "A brave young prince you are for coming here all alone. I bring the words of my master, Lord Tulkan to you: The time of beast and man has passed. Once you recover the wand, remember that power is the ultimate truth. Come and seek Me out. I shall await your return."
Nacho still breathing with difficulty after the heavy onslaught of Shatterer, raised his head slowly.
What he saw almost froze his heart.
Standing before him was a man or what used to be a man. Tall and with eyes so drawn within their sockets that they seemed inexistant. On his head or skull rather rested a half-broken crown and in is his hand was a scepter. All around him shone a pale sickly blue light.
His face was distorted by a cynical leer as he gazed down upon the prince.
Nacho stood up and knew what was coming. Here was an evil being. Messenger he claimed to be, yet he was poised for attack. Nacho jumped back, drew his sword in a flash and in the same fluid movement touched his other hand on the side of the blade. When the blade parted contact with his palm, it glowed a deep red, like if it was on fire.
Shatterer's voice rang with malintent- "Shall we play then, prince?"
And the battle began.
Nacho was no match. Hydras he summoned and the fire-enchanted blade he wielded, but Shatterer only laughed through it all. Fire touched him to leave no mark, and Nacho's blade only cut through thin air however fiercely he slashed at the vile creature.
Then in one fell stroke Shatterer raised his scepter and brought it down upon Nacho. The prince survived, but only just. In a swift movement Nacho swung his sword upwards. His blade shattered as the scepter hit it but it was enough the deflect the fatal blow.
The enemy grabbed Nacho's hair and pulled his face close to his own. The putrid smell that came from him took Nacho aback.
Shatterer- "My master thinks you are of some value, so i shall let you live... But we shall meet again and you better be prepared weakling- for next time, you die.
And he added- "Remember then to be polite young prince and try to entertain me a little more than this pathetic fight we had."
Letting out a last evil cackle, Shatterer seemed to fade in the mist which had gathered around.
Deeply shaken by the encounter but otherwise physically unhurt except for his sore sword-arm, Nacho clumsily made his way back out of the forest.
At the camp.
Two hours had gone by. Nekro who had been to collect some driftwood was returning. Turmo had a small fire going with some dry leaves and straw he had gathered around.
Turmo to Nekro- " Why are you covered in so many bruises? Did you fall on your way?"
Nekro- "Hmm, actually ya I did. My leg still hurts. Is Nacho not back yet?"
Then they heard somebody running behind them. They were close to the main road and could see it from where they were. A young man arrived dressed in a deep purple cloak bearing the emblem of the Wolian clan and with a long staff hung over his back.
Nekro- You must be Azriel. I am Nekro, prince Nacho's esquire and here's Turmo a friend we've met along the way. Nacho will be here soon. He went to scout the area and see which path we shall take tomorrow."
Azriel- "Oh I see the Moomoo clan emblem on your quilted armor. I have never seen you before though."
Several minutes went by...
Then Az decided to break the silence- "So which branch of magic do you specialize, Turmo?"
"Oh...uhm....slimepretzel" mumbled Turmo.
"I never heard that before. I do Hym."
"Hym. When I first learned about hym I instantly fell in love. And from then on, each morning I have practiced and now I do Hym at a completely new level." said Az glancing at Nekro.
Turmo- "I thought you two didn't know each other? Never knew you were so close. Nothing against you pal, but I sleep over here. So could you sleep over there?"
Nekro laughing like a maniac- "Turmo it's H-Y-M. It's also known as water magic. The Wolian clan named it so, in honor of their first leader, Hym, who brought them the water from the Blue Fountain of Life.
Turmo- "Oh...fountain of life? Guys I think I'll have to tell you the truth now. I am not from here..."
Halfway through his story on how he created his time-travelling gadget that was actually a dimensional warp machine, Nacho arrived.
He put on a brave smile, welcomed heartily his friend Az and sat down, resting his back against a tree stump. He informed everyone that the forest track was intact and they were going to make an early departure next morning.
On his way back he had time to ponder on his meeting with Shatterer. He was no beast- that was for sure. And he also said something about the time of beasts and man having passed. Could he actually be working for Daemaro? And that Daemaro was trying some new clever scheme to foil his attempt to obtain the wand. And who is that Tulkhan?
All of these questions lingered on his mind until he realised one thing- he was not strong enough. He would have to learn new magic(spells) and he would also need to find a new sword.
While he was resting, Az spoke to him.
"Nacho, you have no weapon?"
Turmo and Nekro's attention turned to Nacho.
The Moomooer decided on the truth and he recounted his tale to his friends who were shocked.
But soon enough Nacho felt much better as everyone tried to cheer him up despite the danger that was out there, despite the fact that they didn't fully understand Shatterer's power and that even all of them combined would avail to nothing.
After wards, Turmo's tales became twice as funny and the friends set up a camp fire and made some hot pot with provision and cooking gear they had brought.
That night the Precelians learned the wonders of Turmo's dimension...about people traveling in metal boxes that could fly and a game called ovalball....
-------------------------End of episode 6------------------------
Az- "At last I joined the group. Thanks Narrator." Narrator- "Unbelievable! Someone with gratitude in the place."
Az- "Your gay jokes were very gay however." Narrator- "Pfft....the illusion of happiness eh? I guess it couldn't last long. Nobody can praise me around here. Terrible working conditions. I should ask for a pay rise."
Umpa- "Well if you actually started revealing the sex mysteries you keep babbling about." Narrator- "Babbling? Reptiles have no manners I see. And they are not sex mysteries. They are life mysteries. What...? You think I'm so low to talk about sex each episode."
Everyone- "Well yes." Narrator- "Ungrateful bastards."
Narrator- "Anyway today to celebrate my dog's birthday, I will answer my last life-mystery question."
Daemaro- "Your...dog's birthday? Ya...right...." Narrator- " I don't think we need your sarcasm here Dae. Well let's start. Now as everyone knows, a woman's orgasm can supposedly last for one hour."
*Seconds of silence go by*
[spoil] Narrator- Pawned you bitches! This is my ultimate technique. Side-distraction-timebomb pawnage. Distraction through the dog(I don't even have a dog...haha) and the time bomb..whereby you are tempted to ask the question after subtle temptation!! Mwahahahahaha..."[/spoil]
Nekro- "These jokes are starting to become tiring, not to say they sound utterly ridiculous." Narrator- "Hoho...listen to the bad loser who's been pawned..."
What will our friends encounter in the dark forest of Gurk?
What can Turmo do in a fight?
What can Nekro not do in a fight?
And more importantly- What do you have to do to be said as having a doggy style?
All of these answers will be revealed in the next chapter of Dfans the movie- The Forest of Gurk.
What will our friends encounter in the dark forest of Gurk? --> A lot of trees
What can Turmo do in a fight? --> uhmm... explode in a burst of cookies
What can Nekro not do in a fight? --> not being a coward
What will our friends encounter in the dark forest of Gurk? --> Elfs
What can Turmo do in a fight? --> Shout and scream like an idiot
What can Nekro not do in a fight? --> Pretty much everything, since he's narrator
What will our friends encounter in the dark forest of Gurk? --> Some guy jackin off to a tree that looks like a figure skater
What can Turmo do in a fight? --> Use his wiener and knock fools into trees
What can Nekro not do in a fight? --> Use his wiener correctly. The term is "cock slap"
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
I hate the way you cling to ignorance and pass it off as innocence
First of all, thank you guys for the nice comments. DMM
Now onto the DMM results. Since all of the questions were pretty open-ended, I was very lenient on the marking.
The general similarity of the answers to the third question is what earned most of the marks.
Bunch of bastards.
Now, Turmo, Nacho and Shatt have equal marks and only a very meager advantage over Jeru. So I'll be dividing the 100exp between all of you since no answers had the required level of accuracy to gauge up the marks. Fairer this way and anyway the DMM is for FUN!!!
As for Az...well, let's say the skills he described are way too advanced for such a simple story.
And for the answers, well read the next chapter, which will be up in 5 minutes something.
Dawn had yet to make its appearance before the Moomooers and Az were awake. Turmo still lay asleep and our friends packed their gear, refreshed themselves and cleared most traces of their camping before waking him up.
Turmo- "Whooaat ijj ith? Schtil night....Shleeeppp."
Nacho- "No Turmo, you must wake up. We need to make an early departure to be able to cross the forest before nightfall. If we are quick enough and the whole path is intact, it will take us 8 hours. But I doubt our journey will be uneventful. So we need to go."
After Turmo had refreshed himself and taken a frugal breakfast with everyone, our companions were on their way. However the event with Shatterer was in the back of their minds and they were more on their guard than ordinary.
They entered the forest just as dawn had passed and the sun had climbed over the horizon. Surprisingly enough, the forest seemed much less haunting than Nacho had experienced the day before. While the air was still heavy, the sound of birds chirping and the small feet of little creatures scuttling along tree trunks and the forest floor was deceivingly peaceful.
It seemed like a normal forest.
Nacho signaled his friends to remain alert and quickly they found the forest track and proceeded to follow it.
The path was heading in a general western direction and would open up on the Great Crossings Road which will take our friends back to the east. There were only 2 paths that went through the forest. The one Nacho and the others were taking would lengthen their journey but it was the shortest way out of the forest. The other path would have taken them closer to Curast but the spread of the woods made it such that it would take two whole days to come out of Gurk.
4 hours passed and the track remained as unaltered as it was in Nacho's memory. However the trees around seemed to have suffered. Some looked like they had been cruelly cleaved and torn by lightning while others bore deep gashes on their trunk from what appeared to be claws. They had reached a thick and dense part of Gurk and it was quite dark though our friends knew that the sun must be shining brightly above the flora-roof that constitued the dark green leaves of towering trees.
And then all of a sudden they felt it.
The ground shook and the sound of trees being 'tossed' aside came to their ears. A deep savage roar followed. It seemed to be coming from their left.
Turmo just fainted and Nekro backed away so fast that he tripped over an protruding tree root, fell and...just stayed there.
Az reacted. He grabbed his staff that hung over his back and hit the ground with it. A great barrier of water rose and quickly formed a dome over the 4 companions, protecting them. The water seemed alive as it rushed and flowed along the dome structure. They could still see outside.
Then the creature arrived. It was a bear. It seemed to have grown well beyond the normal size of bears that inhabited these parts. It was huge and almost as tall as the surrounding trees themselves as it reared on its hind legs. Drool and foam was coming out of its mouth- it roared once more and gave one great swipe with its massive paw. The barrier was hardly disturbed. But the animal seemed to become even more frenzied as it lept at the dome.
Now this was one ingenious spell Az had invented himself. The water that flowed and rushed around them with its small eddy currents provided a shield against any melee or ranged attack. A melee attack will only sweep the water aside and its dome structure meant that the water simply flowed around and the barrier remained whole. A ranged attack was deflected as the water's flow pattern, speed and direction could be changed at will by Az.
But the spell was even more complex.
If anybody tried to enter the barrier, the water dome would break and form a water prison around the attacker depriving him from air and essentially drowning him.
This is the very fate that awaited the bear.
It writhed and clawed viciously in vain at the water sphere that held him floating above the ground.
There were a dozen hydras around. Nacho cast them while Az did his spell.
Az looked at Nacho.
"I should free him. But he seems to be touched by some sort of madness. What should I do, Nacho?"
Nacho- "Look carefully Az."
And Az looked.
The bear's eyes were missing- there were just empty sockets...and as it turned its great head, the two friends noticed that half of its face has rotted and fallen away, revealing part of its skull and all of its jaw and teeth on that side.
Az- "How...how can this be? My water spell can't hold him much longer. He seems unaffected too. It cannot be a living animal."
Then Nacho noticed something- all of the hydras were pointing in his direction. Hearing a low growl just behind him, he quickly understood. Quickly ducking and rolling to the side just as the hydras poured forth their flames, he turned to see a second monstrous bear. It was temporarily stopped in its track by the intense wall of fire created by the hydras. It's fur ignited and it started burning...however it soon began advancing forward, seemingly heedless of the heat and flames.
Nacho wasted no time.
"Az, use your water-destruction technique on this one, leave the bear in the water prison for me. I need time to summon the Phoenix."
The Wolianer quickly obeyed. Making a punch motion towards the enemy and muttering a spell as he did so, a water cannonball formed in mid-air as big as the bear's huge head. The cannonball had fast revolving water within and as it shot towards the enraged animal at great speed, it's impact exploded the bear's head and the creature fell dead.
On the other side, Nacho raised both of his arms and the hydras vanished to leave small balls of glowing lava. As he brought his hands together, the fiery spheres joined and fused and a gigantic bird emerged from the bright flames that hung in mid-air. At the same time, the water prison broke and the second bear was free. It made its way straight for Nacho.
But not before the great phoenix swooped down and seemed to disappear as it touched the animal.
The bear froze in mid-attacking stance and started trembling all over. Mere seconds after wards it exploded...bones, entrails and flesh flying everywhere.
The Precelians had both used their strongest techniques and were out of magical energy and stamina. Thankfully, Turmo came around and Nekro too. As they helped the prince and Az up, our friends noticed that on the ground where their enemies were vanquished lay on one side a small pile of gold and on the other, a golden-colored chain armor and a pale green dagger.
Nekro went to inspect them.
"It seems these are all real, no illusions. What's more, from the chain armor and the dagger I am sensing some magic powers. It's dangerous to use them though. Especially from what we've seen of our enemies. We'll need someone to properly identify their special properties."
Az- "It amazes me you saw anything at all from where you were calmly lying and relaxing yourself."
Nekro- "*cough* Ahem..well you seemed to be getting on fine on your own, so I didn't want to bother you..."
Nacho- "I cannot walk yet and I don't think Az can either. Nekro, pick up these items. We'll examine them later on."
Turmo- "We cannot wait in this freaky place. Let's move on. I'll help Az. Nekro will help you Nacho.Let's get the hell outta here!"
The 4 friends stumbled on for 1 hour. Luckily enough no more enemies appeared. Az and Nacho's magical energies started naturally refilling and they were soon able to walk almost normally.
They quickened their pace. The hours passed by and the forest seemed to be watching their every movement. No attack came though and they didn't stop for lunch or any rest.
And then finally...they perceived the road. Relief and joy it was.
------------------End of episode 7-------------------------
Umpa- "Holy dino, there was some serious action in there." Narrator- "Ya I know- am good."
Turmo- "Mr Narrator, will I faint before each fight?" Narrator- "Of course you will."
Shatterer- "A pity they got through so easy though..."
Nekro- "Man, you are really evil."
Shatterer- "At least I don't need bushes and overlying roots to save my ass."
Nekro- "Pff....whatever...at least I get to appear every episode."
Shatterer- "Big deal..." Narrator- "Gentlemen please. Let's keep this conversation civil, shall we? So what do you have to do to be said to have a doggy style?"
Umpa- "Is this about sex again?" Narrator- "Now...now I said life-mysteries. Use the correct term my good Umpa."
Umpa- "Ok...does it have anything related to sex?" Narrator- "Well today I shall let you answer the question. I'll give you clues."
Everyone- "Yeah!!!" Narrator- "First clue- it has something to do with dogs."
Phrozen- "It means you talk like a dog- I mean when you talk your tongue is lolling and you drool and all."
Seth- "It means you got lice."
Hans- "It means you like using your legs, and your hands too when you walk." Narrator's thoughts *Man....just how innocent can you get...I guess I'll skip kamehameha/bitches-pawning mode today*
Narrator- "Incredible guys! You actually solved it on the first go. It's a combination of all the things you've said. Congratulation and cookies for everyone!"
Are our friends really safe?
Where will they go afterwards?
Who is Jetrall?
And more importantly if a pumpkin is orange, what colour would a blumpkin be?
All of these answers will be revealed in the next episode of Dfans the movie- The Town of ???