Elfen Lied
10-11-2006, 09:33 PM
I am aware somethings are listed more than once, you not being clever pointing this out, its just easier to type this than it is to search through and take out the repeats
You think Sherlock Holmes is a
housing project down in Biloxi.
You think a stock tip is
advice on worming' your hogs.
You've been married three times
and still have the same in-laws.
You think TACO BELL is
the Mexican Phone Company
Your state's got a new law that says when a couple
get divorced, they are still legally brother and sister.
Your house still has the
"WIDE LOAD"
sign on the back.
You got stopped by a state trooper.
He asked you if you had an I.D.
And you said, 'Bout What?'
N on
A thletic
S port
C reated
A round
R ednecks
You think Genitalia is an Italian airline.
Your sister is the third generation
of women in your family to conceive
a baby as a result of an alien abduction.
If you can burp
and say your name at the same time,
you're shur'nuff a redneck.
You think Possum is
"The Other White Meat"
You carried a fishing pole into Sea World.
You hooked up with your present girlfriend
as a result of a message on the wall of
the mens' room at the Flying J Truck Stop.
The centerpiece on your dining room table
is an original signed work
by a famous taxidermist.
You think a quarter horse is
a ride out in front of the Wal-Mart.
You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off it's wheels.
Your huntin dawg had a litter of puppies in the living room and nobody noticed.
You think safe sex is a padded headboard.
You think subdivision is part of a math problem.
You think there's nothin wrong with incest
as long as you keep it in the family.
You may be a Redneck if ...
You and your dog use the same tree.
You think God looks a lot like Hank Williams, Jr., and heaven looks a lot like Daytona Beach, Florida.
You think the last words to
The Star Spangled Banner are
"Gentlemen, start your engines."
Your father executes the "pull my finger"
trick during Christmas dinner.
You believe dual air bags refer
to your wife and mother-in-law.
You've got more than
one brother named 'Darryl'.
You think the OJ Trial was a
Sunkist and Minutemaid taste test.
You were acquitted for murdering
your first wife after she threw
out your Elvis 8-tracks.
You think watching professional
wrestling is foreplay.
Your grandfather died and left everything to his widow.
But she can't touch it until she's fourteen.
Your front porch collapses
and four dogs git killed.
The people on Jerry Springer's show
remind you of your neighbors
Your kids take a siphon hose to "Show and Tell."
You've ever had to scratch your sisters
name out of a message that begins,
"For a good time time call..."
You know yer a redneck when you take a load to the dump and bring back more than you took
Your whole family is Democrats
except little Mary.
She lernt to readin'.
You think fast food is hitting a possum at 65 mph.
You can get dog hair from out of your belly button.
You have a bumper sticker that says,
"MY MOTHER'S AN HONOR STUDENT
AT SOUTH LITTLE ROCK JR. HIGH."
You take a six-pack cooler to church.
Your family tree has no forks.
You have refused to watch the Academy Awards since "Smokey and the Bandit" was snubbed for best picture.
You had to remove a toothpick
for your wedding pictures.
You use a weedeater in your living room.
You consider your license plate personalized because
your dad made it in prison.
You have a rag for a gas cap.
The blue book value of your truck goes up and down
depending on how much gas it has in it.
The third grade teacher says little Bubba
could be a mathematical genius
because he's got thirteen fingers.
Fifth grade was the best six years of your life.
You have to go outside to get
something out of the 'fridge.
A seven course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack.
One of your kids was born on a pool table.
You have spray painted your
girlfriend's name on an overpass.
Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
Someone asks to see your ID and you
show them your belt buckle.
Your dad walks you to school because
you are both in the same grade.
Mailpouch sends you Christmas cards.
Down where you come from reruns of
Hee Haw are called documentaries.
Your house doesn't have curtains,
but your truck does.
You need one more hole punched in your card
to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
You have flowers planted in a
bathroom fixture in your front yard.
On your first date you had to ask your
Dad to borrow the keys to the tractor.
You think the Mountain Men in Deliverance
were just "misunderstood".
If you refer to the fifth grade
as, "your senior year".
Three quarters of the clothes you
own have LOGOS on them.
The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your wife.
Your `huntin dawg' cost more than the truck you drive him around in.
Your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds.
You've been to a funeral and there were more pick-ups than cars.
You just bought an 8-track
player to put in your truck.
You've ever climbed a water tower
with a bucket of paint
to defend your sister's honor.
It's easier to spray weed killer
on your lawn than mow it.
You think the three primary colors are
John Deere Green, Ford Blue, and Primer Gray.
Your pickup has a two-tone paint job
-- primer red and primer gray.
Ya can't get married to yer sweetheart
'cause there is a law against it.
You've been on TV more than 5 times
describing the sound of a tornado.
The beer can collection in the
town museum is the big tourist attraction.
You dated your daddy's current wife in high school.
Your aunt and your grandmother went to the funeral and had a fight over who gets to be the widow.
You can tell your age by the
number of rings in the bathtub.
You may be a redneck if you ever
used a toilet brush as a back scratcher.
You can change the oil in your truck
without ducking your head.
During your senior year you and
your mother had homeroom together.
You're a lite beer drinker 'cause you start drinkin beer when it gets light.
You think the stock market
has fence around it.
Your stereo speakers used to belong
to the Moonlight Drive-in Theater.
You own a homemade fur coat.
Your entire family has ever sat around
waiting for a call from the Governor
to spare a loved one.
Your wife has ever said,
"Come move this transmission
so I can take a bath."
You think loading the dishwasher
means getting your wife drunk.
YOU REFER TO THE TIME YOU WON
A FREE CASE OF MOTOR OIL AS
"THE DAY MY SHIP CAME IN."
The FBI surrounded your trailer park
twice so far this year.
You use a NASCAR credit card.
Your brother-in-law is your uncle
AND your grandfather.
Your parents met at a family reunion.
You believe that beef jerky and Moon Pies
are two of the major food groups.
You stare at an orange juice container
because it says, "CONCENTRATE".
YOUR IDEA OF HIGH-QUALITY ENTERTAINMENT
IS A SIX-PACK AND A BUG-ZAPPER.
You wonder how service stations
keep their restrooms so clean.
Anyone in your family died right
after saying, "Hey, y'all watch this!".
You couldn't learn to swim
because
your gene pool is too small.
Your wife's job requires her
to wear an orange vest.
You have the local taxidermist's
number on speed dial.
On Thanksgiving Day you have
to decide which pet to eat.
Your school fight song is"Dueling Banjos".
You think "taking out the trash"
means taking your in-laws to a movie.
Your coffee table used to be a cable spool.
You got Clapper devices controlling
the appliances in your house.
You think a hot tub is
a stolen bathroom fixture.
The gas pedal on your car
is shaped like a bare foot.
They just raised the drinking age in your state to 32 on account of they wanted to keep alcohol out of the schools
You hammer bottle caps into the
frame of your front door to make it look nice.
The Home Shopping operator recognizes your voice.
The taillight covers of your car
are made of red tape.
You have every episode of Hee-Haw on tape.
You've ever been involved in a
custody fight over a hunting dog.
The KKK kicked you out for being a bigot.
You think a turtleneck is
a key ingredient for soup.
You think the French
Riviera is a foreign car.
Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.
You no longer drink wine ever since
the screw cap got caught up your nose.
You think that Dom Perignon is a mafia leader.
That billboard that says,
"SAY NO TO CRACK"
reminds you to pull up your jeans.
Your wife's hairdo was once ruined
by a ceiling fan.
You go to your family reunion
looking for a date.
You think a Volvo is part of a woman's anatomy.
Your Junior/Senior Prom had a Daycare.
Your high school basketball game got rained out.
You've got more than three cousins
named 'Bubba'.
You have a close relative named "Cletus".
You ever won first prize in a tobacco spittin contest.
You wish your outhouse was as nice
as those at the state park.
Last year you hid yer kids'
Easter eggs under cow pies.
Your family always goes to the movies in groups of 18 or
more 'cause they were told 17 and under are not admitted.
Jack Daniels makes your list
of "Most Admired People"
Your dog can't watch you eat
without getting sick.
You think the winter olympic sport of curling
is part of the "Big Hair" competition.
When you was little, your front yard got toilet papered
and your momma thought it was a gift from God.
You've painted a car with house paint.
You're banned from the Memphis Zoo because you disturb the monkeys.
You ever named a child after a dog.
You have more belt-buckles than pants.
You removed the back seat from your
car so all yer kids could fit in.
You think taking a bubble bath starts
with eating beans for dinner.
Your child's first words were
"Attention K-Mart shoppers!"
YOU'VE EVER COME HOME
AND FOUND CRIME SCENE TAPE
ACROSS YOUR FRONT PORCH.
You think a woman who is
"out of your league"
bowls on a different night.
Your favorite Mexican food is Doritos
if you put ammo on your christmas list
You ever listed fuzzy dice on an insurance claim.
Your trolling motor used to be a fan in a barber shop.
You list tick removal as a skill on your resume.
You use an ironing board as a knick-knack shelf.
You think the Battle of the Bulge is an argument between your wife and your mother.
You've ever driven around looking for your porch roof after a bad storm.
Your nicest towels say, "Property of Motel 6".
You get your daily requirement of fiber from toothpicks.
The photo on your driver's license includes your dog.
You've been too drunk to fish.
You've had to remove a toothpick for wedding pictures.
You ever used a weedeater indoors.
You have a rag for a gas cap (on a car that does run).
You look upon a family reunion as a chance to meet `Ms. Right'
You have to go outside to get something out of the 'fridge.
Your idea of a 7 course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack.
Someone asks to see your ID and you show them your belt buckle.
You have lost at least one tooth opening a beer bottle.
Jack Daniel's makes your list of "most admired people".
You won't stop at a rest area if you have an empty beer can in the car.
Your wife has a beer belly and you find it attractive.
You roll you hair with soup cans and wash it once a year.
You consider a three piece suit to be: a pair of overalls, a plaid flannel shirt and thermal underwear.
The fifth grade is referred to as "your senior year."
When you leave your house, you are followed by federal agents of the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms, and the only thing you worry about is if you can lose them or not.
You have 5 cars that are immobile and a house that is!
Your gene pool doesn't have a "deep end."
Your `huntin' dawg' cost more than the truck you drive him around in.
Your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds.
You think that safe sex is a padded headboard on the waterbed.
It's Easier to spray weed killer on your lawn than mow it.
You think that John Deere Green, Ford Blue, and Primer Gray are the three primary colors.
Your idea of talking during sex is "Ain't no cars coming, baby!"
Taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen.
You think the last words to The Star Spangled Banner are "Gentlemen, start your engines."
You think God looks a lot like Hank Williams, Jr., and heaven looks a lot like Daytona Beach, Florida.
You believe dual air bags refer to your wife and mother-in-law.
Your father executes the "pull my finger" trick during Christmas dinner.
You were acquitted for murdering your first wife after she threw out your Elvis 45's.
You've got more than one brother named 'Darryl'.
The people on Jerry Springer's show remind you of your neighbors.
You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off it's wheels.
You carried a fishing pole into Sea World.
Your sister is the third generation of women in your family to conceive a baby as a result of an alien abduction.
You think subdivision is part of a math problem.
You think there's nothin wrong with incest as long as you keep it in the family.
You can’t get dog hair from out of your belly button.
You think the three primary colors are John Deere Green, Ford Blue, and Primer Gray.
Ya can't get married to yer sweetheart cause there is a law against it.
The beer can collection in the town museum is the big tourist attraction.
You can change the oil in your truck without ducking your head.
You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.
You take a load to the dump and bring back more than you took.
Your whole family is Democrats except little Mary. She got to readin'.
You believe that beef jerky and Moon Pies are two of the major food groups.
You think genitalia is an Italian airline.
You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
You keep empty beer cans in your fridge for your friends that don't drink.
You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.
The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your wife.
You think taking a bubble bath starts with eating beans for dinner.
You buy your jewelry at the hardware store.
You've used an ironing board as a buffet table.
More than one living relative is named after a southern civil war general.
2. Your front porch collapses and more than six dogs are killed.
3. You've ever used lard in bed.
4. Your home has more miles on it than your car.
5. You think that potted meat on a saltine is an hors d'ouerve.
6. There is a stuffed opposum anywhere in your house.
7. You consider a six-pack and a bug-zapper high-quality entertainment.
8. Fewer than half of your cars run.
9. Your mother doesn't remove the Marlboro from her lips before telling the
State Trooper to kiss her ass.
10. The primary color of your car is "bondo".
11. You honestly think that women are turned on by animal noises and seductive
tongue gestures.
12. You stand under the misteletoe at Christmas and wait for Granny and cousin
Sue-Ellen to walk by.
13. Your family tree doesn't fork.
14. Your hairdo has never been ruined by a ceiling fan.
15. Your mother has been involved in a fistfight at a high school sports event.
16. You've ever barbecued Spam on the grill.
17. The best way to keep things cold is to leave'em in the shade.
18. The neighbors started a petition over your Christmas lights.
19. Your brother-in-law is your uncle.
20. You have refused to watch the Academy Awards since "Smokey and the Bandit"
was snubbed for best picture.
21. Your only condiment on the dining room table is the economy size bottle of
ketchup.
22. The rear tires on your car are at least twice as wide as the front ones.
23. You consider "Outdoor Life" deep reading.
24. You prominently display a gift you bought at Graceland.
25. You use the term `over yonder' more than once a month.
26. The diploma hanging in your den contains the words "Trucking Institute".
27. Your mother keeps a spit cup on the ironing board.
28. You've ever worn a tube top to a wedding.
29. Your favorite Christmas present, was a painting on black velvet.
30. You think that Dom Perignon is a mafia leader.
31. The most commonly heard phrase at your family reunion is "What the hell are
you looking at, Shithead?"
32. You think that beef jerky and Moon Pies are two of the major food groups.
33. You think that Campho-Phenique is a miracle drug.
34. The first words out of your mouth every time you see friends are "Howdy!"
or "HEY!" (If they respond with the same... they're a redneck too!)
35. You have more than two brothers named Bubba or Junior.
36. Your father encourages you to quit school because Larry has an opening on
the lube rack.
37. You think a Volvo is part of a woman's anatomy.
38. You think that the styrofoam cooler is the greatest invention of all time.
39. You've been too drunk to fish.
40. You had to remove a toothpick for wedding pictures.
41. You've ever used a weedeater indoors.
42. You have a rag for a gas cap (on a car that does run).
43. You look upon a family reunion as a chance to meet `Ms. Right'
44. You have to go outside to get something out of the 'fridge.
45. If your riches relative invites you over to his new home to
help him remove the wheels.
46. If you've ever financed a tattoo.
47. If your idea of a 7 course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack.
48. You go to a tupperware party for a haircut.
49. You have spray painted your girlfriend's name on an overpass.
50. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
51. Someone asks to see your ID and you show them your belt buckle.
52. Your Junior/Senior Prom had a Daycare.
53. The directions to your house include "turn off the paved road".
54. Your dog and your wallet are both on chains.
More than one living relative is named after a southern civil war general.
Your front porch collapses and more than six dogs are killed.
You ever used lard in bed.
Your home has more miles on it than your car.
You think that potted meat on a saltine is an hors d'oeurve.
There is a stuffed possum anywhere in your house.
You consider a six-pack and a bug-zapper high-quality entertainment.
Fewer than half of your cars run.
Your mother doesn't remove the Marlboro from her lips before telling the State Trooper to kiss her ass.
The primary color of your car is "bondo."
You honestly think that women are turned on by animal noises and seductive tongue gestures.
You stand under the mistletoe at christmas and wait for Granny and cousin Sue-Ellen to walk by.
Your family tree doesn't fork.
Your hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan.
Your mother has been involved in a fistfight at a high school sports event.
You've ever barbecued Spam on the grill.
The best way to keep things cold is to leave'em in the shade.
The neighbors started a petition over your Christmas lights.
Your brother-in-law is your uncle.
You have refused to watch the Academy Awards since "Smokey and the Bandit" was snubbed for best picture.
Your only condiment on the dining room table is the economy size bottle of ketchup.
The rear tires on your car are at least twice as wide as the front ones.
You consider "Outdoor Life" deep reading.
You prominently display a gift you bought at Graceland.
You use the term 'over yonder' more than once a month.
The diploma hanging in your den contains the words "Trucking Institute."
Your mother keeps a spit cup on the ironing board.
You've ever worn a tube top to a wedding.
Your favorite Christmas present was a painting on black velvet.
You think that Dom Perignon is a mafia leader.
The most commonly heard phrase at your family reunion is "What the hell are you
looking at, Shithead?"
You think that beef jerky and Moon Pies are two of the major food groups.
You think that Campho-Phenique is a miracle drug.
The first words out of your mouth every time you see friends are "Howdy!" "HEY!" or "How Y'all Doin?" (If they respond with the same... they're a redneck too!)
You have more than two brothers named Bubba or Junior.
Your father encourages you to quit school because Larry has an opening on the lube rack.
You think a Volvo is part of a woman's anatomy.
You think that the styrofoam cooler is the greatest invention of all time.
You've been too drunk to fish.
You had to remove a toothpick for wedding pictures.
You've ever used a weedeater indoors.
You have a rag for a gas cap (on a car that does run.)
You look upon a family reunion as a chance to meet 'Ms. Right.'
You have to go outside to get something out of the fridge.
Your richest relative invites you over to his new home to help him remove the wheels and skirt.
You've ever financed a tattoo.
Your idea of a 7 course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack.
You go to a tupperware party for a haircut.
You have spray painted your girlfriend's name on an overpass.
Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
Someone asks to see your ID and you show them your belt buckle.
Your Junior/Senior Prom had a daycare.
The directions to your house include "turn off the paved road."
Your dog and your wallet are both on chains.
Your kids are going hungry tonight because you just had to have those Yosemite Sam mudflaps.
You owe the taxidermist more than your annual income.
You have lost at least one tooth opening a beer bottle.
Jack Daniels makes your list of "most admired people".
You won't stop at a rest area if you have an empty beer can in the car.
Your dog can't watch you eat without gagging.
You have a Hefty bag on the passenger side window of your car.
You have a very special baseball cap just for formal occassions.
You have to scratch your sister's name out of the message "for a good time call..." because you feel guilty about putting it there.
Redman sends you a Christmas card.
You bought a VCR so you could tape wrestling while you are at work.
Your dad walks you to school because you are both in the same grade.
Your wife has a beer belly and you find it attractive.
Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.
You have started a petition to change the National Anthem to "Georgia on My Mind."
You call your boss "Buddy" on a regular basis.
You consider your license plate personalized because your dad made it in prison.
You have been fired from a construction job because of your appearance.
You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
You need an estimate from your barber before you get a haircut.
After making love you ask your date to roll down the window.
The biggest fashion risk you take is which plaid you'll wear to the 4-H Fair.
You have flowers planted in a bathroom appliance in your front yard.
Someone in your family says "Cum'n heer an' lookit this afore I flush it."
Your wife weighs more then your refrigerator.
You mow your lawn and find a car.
If going to the bathroom in the middle of the night involves putting on shoes (if you have them) a jacket and grabbing a flashlight.
You go christmas shopping for your mom, sister, and girlfriend, and you only need to buy one gift.
You are still holding on to Confederate money because you think the South will rise again.
You consider pork and beans to be a gourmet food.
You have to go down to the creek to take a bath.
You participate in the "who can spit tobacco the farthest contest."
You roll you hair with soup cans and wash it once a year.
You consider a three piece suit to be a pair of overalls, a plaid flannel shirt and thermal underwear.
There is a sheet hanging in your closet and a gun rack hanging in your truck.
You think the Mountain Men in deliverance were just "Misunderstood."
You've ever made change in the offering plate.
If the fifth grade is referred to as "your senior year."
You consider a good tan to be the back of of your neck and the left arm below the shirt sleeve.
You own at least 20 baseball hats.
You know of at least six different ways to bend the bill of a baseball hat.
You can change the oil in your truck without ducking your head.
When you run out of gas you put gin in the gas tank.
Your biggest ambition in live is to "git thet big'ole coon. The one what hangs 'round over yonder, back'ah bubba's barn..."
Three quarters of the clothes you own have LOGOS on them.
When you leave your house you are followed by federal agents of the Bureau of
Alcohol Tobbaco and Firearms, and the only thing you worry about is if you can loose them or not.
You have 5 cars that are immobile and house that is.
You gene pool doesn't have a "deep end."
"Honey? Are the lights out? Is the door locked? Is the parking brake set?" is what you
hear right before you and your wife/girl make love.
Your 'huntin dawg' cost more than the truck you drive him around in.
You'd rather catch bass than get some (if you can't guess...)
You have a Hefty bag for a Car/Truck convertable top.
Your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds.
You think that safe sex is a padded headboard on the waterbed.
You have an Elvis Jello mold.
You own more cowboy boots than sneakers.
You've been to a funeral and there were more pick-ups than cars.
You have a picture of Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, or Elvis over your fireplace.
You just bought an 8-track player to put in your car.
There are four or more cars up on blocks in the front yard.
The theme song at your high school prom was 'Friends in Low Places.'
It's easier to spray weed killer on your lawn than mow it.
You think that John Deere Green, Ford Blue, and Primer Gray are the three of the
primary colors.
You've ever climbed a water tower with a bucket of paint to defend your sister's honor.
You idea of talking during sex is "Ain't no cars coming, baby!"
Your vehicle has a two-tone paint job--primer red and primer gray.
The tobacco chewers in your family aren't just men.
Yer mom calls ya over t'help 'cause she has a flat tire...on her house!
The ASPCA raids yer kitchen.
Ya have to check in the bottom yer shoe for change so ya can get grandma a new plug of tobacco.
Foreplay consists of slipping off her saddle.
Ya can't get married to yer sweetheart cause there is a law against it.
Ya celebrate groundhog day (cause ya believe in it!)
You've been on TV more than 5 times describing the sound of a tornado.
You fish in your above-ground pool, especially if you catch something!
When a sign that says "Say No To Crack!" reminds you to pull up your jeans.
Helping your cousin, Billy-Bob, move into his new place consists of the wheels off his doublewide.
Your beer can collection is considered a tourist attraction in your home town.
You know you're a redneck if you wake up with both a black eye and a hickey.
Getting a package from your post office requires a full tank of gas in the truck.
"Buck Naked Line Dancing" isn't a videotape, it's "Ladies Night" at the local bar.
Your wife wants to stop at the gas station to see if they've got the new Darrell Waltrip Budweiser wall clock.
You dated your daddy's current wife in high school.
You're moved to tears everytime you hear Dolly Parton singing "I Will Always Love You."
Dolly Parton reminds you of the 'Grand Tetons'. (of course this is a very sophisticated sophisticated redneck joke... if you laughed... you must be a redneck, only they will get this one.)
You grow Vidalia onions rather than considering them a gourmet item.
Your Momma would rather go the racetrack than the Kennedy Center.
The most serious loss from the earthquake was your Conway Twitty record collection (you insurance man is one too if he pays you for it.)
You actually made a pyramid of cans in the pale moonlight with Alan Jackson.
You have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education.
You've ever hit a deer with your car... on purpose!
You can tell your age by the number of rings in the bathtub.
Your mom gives you tips on how to sneak booze into sporting events.
You've ever parked a Camaro in a tree.
Exxon and Conoco have offered you royalties for your hair.
Your dad is also your favorite uncle.
The blue book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas it has in it.
Your classes at school were cancelled because the path to the restroom was flooded.
On your job application under "SEX" you put "As often as possible."
During your senior year you and your mother had homeroom together.
You're a lite beer drinker because you start drinking as soon as it gets light.
On your first date you had to ask your Dad to borrow the keys to the tractor.
Your parakeet knows the phrase "Open up, Police!"
You saved lots of money on your honeymoon by going deerhunting.
In tough situations you ask yourself, "What would Curly do?"
Taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen.
You think the last words to the Star Spangled Banner are "Gentlemen, start your engines." or "Play Ball..."
Your child's first words are "Attention K-Mart shoppers!"
Your wife's best pair of shoes are steel-toed Red Wings.
You have a color coordinating rope that ties down your car hood.
You bring your dog to work with you.
You think Sherlock Holmes is a
housing project down in Biloxi.
You think a stock tip is
advice on worming' your hogs.
You've been married three times
and still have the same in-laws.
You think TACO BELL is
the Mexican Phone Company
Your state's got a new law that says when a couple
get divorced, they are still legally brother and sister.
Your house still has the
"WIDE LOAD"
sign on the back.
You got stopped by a state trooper.
He asked you if you had an I.D.
And you said, 'Bout What?'
N on
A thletic
S port
C reated
A round
R ednecks
You think Genitalia is an Italian airline.
Your sister is the third generation
of women in your family to conceive
a baby as a result of an alien abduction.
If you can burp
and say your name at the same time,
you're shur'nuff a redneck.
You think Possum is
"The Other White Meat"
You carried a fishing pole into Sea World.
You hooked up with your present girlfriend
as a result of a message on the wall of
the mens' room at the Flying J Truck Stop.
The centerpiece on your dining room table
is an original signed work
by a famous taxidermist.
You think a quarter horse is
a ride out in front of the Wal-Mart.
You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off it's wheels.
Your huntin dawg had a litter of puppies in the living room and nobody noticed.
You think safe sex is a padded headboard.
You think subdivision is part of a math problem.
You think there's nothin wrong with incest
as long as you keep it in the family.
You may be a Redneck if ...
You and your dog use the same tree.
You think God looks a lot like Hank Williams, Jr., and heaven looks a lot like Daytona Beach, Florida.
You think the last words to
The Star Spangled Banner are
"Gentlemen, start your engines."
Your father executes the "pull my finger"
trick during Christmas dinner.
You believe dual air bags refer
to your wife and mother-in-law.
You've got more than
one brother named 'Darryl'.
You think the OJ Trial was a
Sunkist and Minutemaid taste test.
You were acquitted for murdering
your first wife after she threw
out your Elvis 8-tracks.
You think watching professional
wrestling is foreplay.
Your grandfather died and left everything to his widow.
But she can't touch it until she's fourteen.
Your front porch collapses
and four dogs git killed.
The people on Jerry Springer's show
remind you of your neighbors
Your kids take a siphon hose to "Show and Tell."
You've ever had to scratch your sisters
name out of a message that begins,
"For a good time time call..."
You know yer a redneck when you take a load to the dump and bring back more than you took
Your whole family is Democrats
except little Mary.
She lernt to readin'.
You think fast food is hitting a possum at 65 mph.
You can get dog hair from out of your belly button.
You have a bumper sticker that says,
"MY MOTHER'S AN HONOR STUDENT
AT SOUTH LITTLE ROCK JR. HIGH."
You take a six-pack cooler to church.
Your family tree has no forks.
You have refused to watch the Academy Awards since "Smokey and the Bandit" was snubbed for best picture.
You had to remove a toothpick
for your wedding pictures.
You use a weedeater in your living room.
You consider your license plate personalized because
your dad made it in prison.
You have a rag for a gas cap.
The blue book value of your truck goes up and down
depending on how much gas it has in it.
The third grade teacher says little Bubba
could be a mathematical genius
because he's got thirteen fingers.
Fifth grade was the best six years of your life.
You have to go outside to get
something out of the 'fridge.
A seven course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack.
One of your kids was born on a pool table.
You have spray painted your
girlfriend's name on an overpass.
Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
Someone asks to see your ID and you
show them your belt buckle.
Your dad walks you to school because
you are both in the same grade.
Mailpouch sends you Christmas cards.
Down where you come from reruns of
Hee Haw are called documentaries.
Your house doesn't have curtains,
but your truck does.
You need one more hole punched in your card
to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
You have flowers planted in a
bathroom fixture in your front yard.
On your first date you had to ask your
Dad to borrow the keys to the tractor.
You think the Mountain Men in Deliverance
were just "misunderstood".
If you refer to the fifth grade
as, "your senior year".
Three quarters of the clothes you
own have LOGOS on them.
The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your wife.
Your `huntin dawg' cost more than the truck you drive him around in.
Your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds.
You've been to a funeral and there were more pick-ups than cars.
You just bought an 8-track
player to put in your truck.
You've ever climbed a water tower
with a bucket of paint
to defend your sister's honor.
It's easier to spray weed killer
on your lawn than mow it.
You think the three primary colors are
John Deere Green, Ford Blue, and Primer Gray.
Your pickup has a two-tone paint job
-- primer red and primer gray.
Ya can't get married to yer sweetheart
'cause there is a law against it.
You've been on TV more than 5 times
describing the sound of a tornado.
The beer can collection in the
town museum is the big tourist attraction.
You dated your daddy's current wife in high school.
Your aunt and your grandmother went to the funeral and had a fight over who gets to be the widow.
You can tell your age by the
number of rings in the bathtub.
You may be a redneck if you ever
used a toilet brush as a back scratcher.
You can change the oil in your truck
without ducking your head.
During your senior year you and
your mother had homeroom together.
You're a lite beer drinker 'cause you start drinkin beer when it gets light.
You think the stock market
has fence around it.
Your stereo speakers used to belong
to the Moonlight Drive-in Theater.
You own a homemade fur coat.
Your entire family has ever sat around
waiting for a call from the Governor
to spare a loved one.
Your wife has ever said,
"Come move this transmission
so I can take a bath."
You think loading the dishwasher
means getting your wife drunk.
YOU REFER TO THE TIME YOU WON
A FREE CASE OF MOTOR OIL AS
"THE DAY MY SHIP CAME IN."
The FBI surrounded your trailer park
twice so far this year.
You use a NASCAR credit card.
Your brother-in-law is your uncle
AND your grandfather.
Your parents met at a family reunion.
You believe that beef jerky and Moon Pies
are two of the major food groups.
You stare at an orange juice container
because it says, "CONCENTRATE".
YOUR IDEA OF HIGH-QUALITY ENTERTAINMENT
IS A SIX-PACK AND A BUG-ZAPPER.
You wonder how service stations
keep their restrooms so clean.
Anyone in your family died right
after saying, "Hey, y'all watch this!".
You couldn't learn to swim
because
your gene pool is too small.
Your wife's job requires her
to wear an orange vest.
You have the local taxidermist's
number on speed dial.
On Thanksgiving Day you have
to decide which pet to eat.
Your school fight song is"Dueling Banjos".
You think "taking out the trash"
means taking your in-laws to a movie.
Your coffee table used to be a cable spool.
You got Clapper devices controlling
the appliances in your house.
You think a hot tub is
a stolen bathroom fixture.
The gas pedal on your car
is shaped like a bare foot.
They just raised the drinking age in your state to 32 on account of they wanted to keep alcohol out of the schools
You hammer bottle caps into the
frame of your front door to make it look nice.
The Home Shopping operator recognizes your voice.
The taillight covers of your car
are made of red tape.
You have every episode of Hee-Haw on tape.
You've ever been involved in a
custody fight over a hunting dog.
The KKK kicked you out for being a bigot.
You think a turtleneck is
a key ingredient for soup.
You think the French
Riviera is a foreign car.
Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.
You no longer drink wine ever since
the screw cap got caught up your nose.
You think that Dom Perignon is a mafia leader.
That billboard that says,
"SAY NO TO CRACK"
reminds you to pull up your jeans.
Your wife's hairdo was once ruined
by a ceiling fan.
You go to your family reunion
looking for a date.
You think a Volvo is part of a woman's anatomy.
Your Junior/Senior Prom had a Daycare.
Your high school basketball game got rained out.
You've got more than three cousins
named 'Bubba'.
You have a close relative named "Cletus".
You ever won first prize in a tobacco spittin contest.
You wish your outhouse was as nice
as those at the state park.
Last year you hid yer kids'
Easter eggs under cow pies.
Your family always goes to the movies in groups of 18 or
more 'cause they were told 17 and under are not admitted.
Jack Daniels makes your list
of "Most Admired People"
Your dog can't watch you eat
without getting sick.
You think the winter olympic sport of curling
is part of the "Big Hair" competition.
When you was little, your front yard got toilet papered
and your momma thought it was a gift from God.
You've painted a car with house paint.
You're banned from the Memphis Zoo because you disturb the monkeys.
You ever named a child after a dog.
You have more belt-buckles than pants.
You removed the back seat from your
car so all yer kids could fit in.
You think taking a bubble bath starts
with eating beans for dinner.
Your child's first words were
"Attention K-Mart shoppers!"
YOU'VE EVER COME HOME
AND FOUND CRIME SCENE TAPE
ACROSS YOUR FRONT PORCH.
You think a woman who is
"out of your league"
bowls on a different night.
Your favorite Mexican food is Doritos
if you put ammo on your christmas list
You ever listed fuzzy dice on an insurance claim.
Your trolling motor used to be a fan in a barber shop.
You list tick removal as a skill on your resume.
You use an ironing board as a knick-knack shelf.
You think the Battle of the Bulge is an argument between your wife and your mother.
You've ever driven around looking for your porch roof after a bad storm.
Your nicest towels say, "Property of Motel 6".
You get your daily requirement of fiber from toothpicks.
The photo on your driver's license includes your dog.
You've been too drunk to fish.
You've had to remove a toothpick for wedding pictures.
You ever used a weedeater indoors.
You have a rag for a gas cap (on a car that does run).
You look upon a family reunion as a chance to meet `Ms. Right'
You have to go outside to get something out of the 'fridge.
Your idea of a 7 course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack.
Someone asks to see your ID and you show them your belt buckle.
You have lost at least one tooth opening a beer bottle.
Jack Daniel's makes your list of "most admired people".
You won't stop at a rest area if you have an empty beer can in the car.
Your wife has a beer belly and you find it attractive.
You roll you hair with soup cans and wash it once a year.
You consider a three piece suit to be: a pair of overalls, a plaid flannel shirt and thermal underwear.
The fifth grade is referred to as "your senior year."
When you leave your house, you are followed by federal agents of the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms, and the only thing you worry about is if you can lose them or not.
You have 5 cars that are immobile and a house that is!
Your gene pool doesn't have a "deep end."
Your `huntin' dawg' cost more than the truck you drive him around in.
Your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds.
You think that safe sex is a padded headboard on the waterbed.
It's Easier to spray weed killer on your lawn than mow it.
You think that John Deere Green, Ford Blue, and Primer Gray are the three primary colors.
Your idea of talking during sex is "Ain't no cars coming, baby!"
Taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen.
You think the last words to The Star Spangled Banner are "Gentlemen, start your engines."
You think God looks a lot like Hank Williams, Jr., and heaven looks a lot like Daytona Beach, Florida.
You believe dual air bags refer to your wife and mother-in-law.
Your father executes the "pull my finger" trick during Christmas dinner.
You were acquitted for murdering your first wife after she threw out your Elvis 45's.
You've got more than one brother named 'Darryl'.
The people on Jerry Springer's show remind you of your neighbors.
You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off it's wheels.
You carried a fishing pole into Sea World.
Your sister is the third generation of women in your family to conceive a baby as a result of an alien abduction.
You think subdivision is part of a math problem.
You think there's nothin wrong with incest as long as you keep it in the family.
You can’t get dog hair from out of your belly button.
You think the three primary colors are John Deere Green, Ford Blue, and Primer Gray.
Ya can't get married to yer sweetheart cause there is a law against it.
The beer can collection in the town museum is the big tourist attraction.
You can change the oil in your truck without ducking your head.
You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.
You take a load to the dump and bring back more than you took.
Your whole family is Democrats except little Mary. She got to readin'.
You believe that beef jerky and Moon Pies are two of the major food groups.
You think genitalia is an Italian airline.
You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
You keep empty beer cans in your fridge for your friends that don't drink.
You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.
The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your wife.
You think taking a bubble bath starts with eating beans for dinner.
You buy your jewelry at the hardware store.
You've used an ironing board as a buffet table.
More than one living relative is named after a southern civil war general.
2. Your front porch collapses and more than six dogs are killed.
3. You've ever used lard in bed.
4. Your home has more miles on it than your car.
5. You think that potted meat on a saltine is an hors d'ouerve.
6. There is a stuffed opposum anywhere in your house.
7. You consider a six-pack and a bug-zapper high-quality entertainment.
8. Fewer than half of your cars run.
9. Your mother doesn't remove the Marlboro from her lips before telling the
State Trooper to kiss her ass.
10. The primary color of your car is "bondo".
11. You honestly think that women are turned on by animal noises and seductive
tongue gestures.
12. You stand under the misteletoe at Christmas and wait for Granny and cousin
Sue-Ellen to walk by.
13. Your family tree doesn't fork.
14. Your hairdo has never been ruined by a ceiling fan.
15. Your mother has been involved in a fistfight at a high school sports event.
16. You've ever barbecued Spam on the grill.
17. The best way to keep things cold is to leave'em in the shade.
18. The neighbors started a petition over your Christmas lights.
19. Your brother-in-law is your uncle.
20. You have refused to watch the Academy Awards since "Smokey and the Bandit"
was snubbed for best picture.
21. Your only condiment on the dining room table is the economy size bottle of
ketchup.
22. The rear tires on your car are at least twice as wide as the front ones.
23. You consider "Outdoor Life" deep reading.
24. You prominently display a gift you bought at Graceland.
25. You use the term `over yonder' more than once a month.
26. The diploma hanging in your den contains the words "Trucking Institute".
27. Your mother keeps a spit cup on the ironing board.
28. You've ever worn a tube top to a wedding.
29. Your favorite Christmas present, was a painting on black velvet.
30. You think that Dom Perignon is a mafia leader.
31. The most commonly heard phrase at your family reunion is "What the hell are
you looking at, Shithead?"
32. You think that beef jerky and Moon Pies are two of the major food groups.
33. You think that Campho-Phenique is a miracle drug.
34. The first words out of your mouth every time you see friends are "Howdy!"
or "HEY!" (If they respond with the same... they're a redneck too!)
35. You have more than two brothers named Bubba or Junior.
36. Your father encourages you to quit school because Larry has an opening on
the lube rack.
37. You think a Volvo is part of a woman's anatomy.
38. You think that the styrofoam cooler is the greatest invention of all time.
39. You've been too drunk to fish.
40. You had to remove a toothpick for wedding pictures.
41. You've ever used a weedeater indoors.
42. You have a rag for a gas cap (on a car that does run).
43. You look upon a family reunion as a chance to meet `Ms. Right'
44. You have to go outside to get something out of the 'fridge.
45. If your riches relative invites you over to his new home to
help him remove the wheels.
46. If you've ever financed a tattoo.
47. If your idea of a 7 course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack.
48. You go to a tupperware party for a haircut.
49. You have spray painted your girlfriend's name on an overpass.
50. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
51. Someone asks to see your ID and you show them your belt buckle.
52. Your Junior/Senior Prom had a Daycare.
53. The directions to your house include "turn off the paved road".
54. Your dog and your wallet are both on chains.
More than one living relative is named after a southern civil war general.
Your front porch collapses and more than six dogs are killed.
You ever used lard in bed.
Your home has more miles on it than your car.
You think that potted meat on a saltine is an hors d'oeurve.
There is a stuffed possum anywhere in your house.
You consider a six-pack and a bug-zapper high-quality entertainment.
Fewer than half of your cars run.
Your mother doesn't remove the Marlboro from her lips before telling the State Trooper to kiss her ass.
The primary color of your car is "bondo."
You honestly think that women are turned on by animal noises and seductive tongue gestures.
You stand under the mistletoe at christmas and wait for Granny and cousin Sue-Ellen to walk by.
Your family tree doesn't fork.
Your hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan.
Your mother has been involved in a fistfight at a high school sports event.
You've ever barbecued Spam on the grill.
The best way to keep things cold is to leave'em in the shade.
The neighbors started a petition over your Christmas lights.
Your brother-in-law is your uncle.
You have refused to watch the Academy Awards since "Smokey and the Bandit" was snubbed for best picture.
Your only condiment on the dining room table is the economy size bottle of ketchup.
The rear tires on your car are at least twice as wide as the front ones.
You consider "Outdoor Life" deep reading.
You prominently display a gift you bought at Graceland.
You use the term 'over yonder' more than once a month.
The diploma hanging in your den contains the words "Trucking Institute."
Your mother keeps a spit cup on the ironing board.
You've ever worn a tube top to a wedding.
Your favorite Christmas present was a painting on black velvet.
You think that Dom Perignon is a mafia leader.
The most commonly heard phrase at your family reunion is "What the hell are you
looking at, Shithead?"
You think that beef jerky and Moon Pies are two of the major food groups.
You think that Campho-Phenique is a miracle drug.
The first words out of your mouth every time you see friends are "Howdy!" "HEY!" or "How Y'all Doin?" (If they respond with the same... they're a redneck too!)
You have more than two brothers named Bubba or Junior.
Your father encourages you to quit school because Larry has an opening on the lube rack.
You think a Volvo is part of a woman's anatomy.
You think that the styrofoam cooler is the greatest invention of all time.
You've been too drunk to fish.
You had to remove a toothpick for wedding pictures.
You've ever used a weedeater indoors.
You have a rag for a gas cap (on a car that does run.)
You look upon a family reunion as a chance to meet 'Ms. Right.'
You have to go outside to get something out of the fridge.
Your richest relative invites you over to his new home to help him remove the wheels and skirt.
You've ever financed a tattoo.
Your idea of a 7 course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack.
You go to a tupperware party for a haircut.
You have spray painted your girlfriend's name on an overpass.
Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
Someone asks to see your ID and you show them your belt buckle.
Your Junior/Senior Prom had a daycare.
The directions to your house include "turn off the paved road."
Your dog and your wallet are both on chains.
Your kids are going hungry tonight because you just had to have those Yosemite Sam mudflaps.
You owe the taxidermist more than your annual income.
You have lost at least one tooth opening a beer bottle.
Jack Daniels makes your list of "most admired people".
You won't stop at a rest area if you have an empty beer can in the car.
Your dog can't watch you eat without gagging.
You have a Hefty bag on the passenger side window of your car.
You have a very special baseball cap just for formal occassions.
You have to scratch your sister's name out of the message "for a good time call..." because you feel guilty about putting it there.
Redman sends you a Christmas card.
You bought a VCR so you could tape wrestling while you are at work.
Your dad walks you to school because you are both in the same grade.
Your wife has a beer belly and you find it attractive.
Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.
You have started a petition to change the National Anthem to "Georgia on My Mind."
You call your boss "Buddy" on a regular basis.
You consider your license plate personalized because your dad made it in prison.
You have been fired from a construction job because of your appearance.
You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
You need an estimate from your barber before you get a haircut.
After making love you ask your date to roll down the window.
The biggest fashion risk you take is which plaid you'll wear to the 4-H Fair.
You have flowers planted in a bathroom appliance in your front yard.
Someone in your family says "Cum'n heer an' lookit this afore I flush it."
Your wife weighs more then your refrigerator.
You mow your lawn and find a car.
If going to the bathroom in the middle of the night involves putting on shoes (if you have them) a jacket and grabbing a flashlight.
You go christmas shopping for your mom, sister, and girlfriend, and you only need to buy one gift.
You are still holding on to Confederate money because you think the South will rise again.
You consider pork and beans to be a gourmet food.
You have to go down to the creek to take a bath.
You participate in the "who can spit tobacco the farthest contest."
You roll you hair with soup cans and wash it once a year.
You consider a three piece suit to be a pair of overalls, a plaid flannel shirt and thermal underwear.
There is a sheet hanging in your closet and a gun rack hanging in your truck.
You think the Mountain Men in deliverance were just "Misunderstood."
You've ever made change in the offering plate.
If the fifth grade is referred to as "your senior year."
You consider a good tan to be the back of of your neck and the left arm below the shirt sleeve.
You own at least 20 baseball hats.
You know of at least six different ways to bend the bill of a baseball hat.
You can change the oil in your truck without ducking your head.
When you run out of gas you put gin in the gas tank.
Your biggest ambition in live is to "git thet big'ole coon. The one what hangs 'round over yonder, back'ah bubba's barn..."
Three quarters of the clothes you own have LOGOS on them.
When you leave your house you are followed by federal agents of the Bureau of
Alcohol Tobbaco and Firearms, and the only thing you worry about is if you can loose them or not.
You have 5 cars that are immobile and house that is.
You gene pool doesn't have a "deep end."
"Honey? Are the lights out? Is the door locked? Is the parking brake set?" is what you
hear right before you and your wife/girl make love.
Your 'huntin dawg' cost more than the truck you drive him around in.
You'd rather catch bass than get some (if you can't guess...)
You have a Hefty bag for a Car/Truck convertable top.
Your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds.
You think that safe sex is a padded headboard on the waterbed.
You have an Elvis Jello mold.
You own more cowboy boots than sneakers.
You've been to a funeral and there were more pick-ups than cars.
You have a picture of Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, or Elvis over your fireplace.
You just bought an 8-track player to put in your car.
There are four or more cars up on blocks in the front yard.
The theme song at your high school prom was 'Friends in Low Places.'
It's easier to spray weed killer on your lawn than mow it.
You think that John Deere Green, Ford Blue, and Primer Gray are the three of the
primary colors.
You've ever climbed a water tower with a bucket of paint to defend your sister's honor.
You idea of talking during sex is "Ain't no cars coming, baby!"
Your vehicle has a two-tone paint job--primer red and primer gray.
The tobacco chewers in your family aren't just men.
Yer mom calls ya over t'help 'cause she has a flat tire...on her house!
The ASPCA raids yer kitchen.
Ya have to check in the bottom yer shoe for change so ya can get grandma a new plug of tobacco.
Foreplay consists of slipping off her saddle.
Ya can't get married to yer sweetheart cause there is a law against it.
Ya celebrate groundhog day (cause ya believe in it!)
You've been on TV more than 5 times describing the sound of a tornado.
You fish in your above-ground pool, especially if you catch something!
When a sign that says "Say No To Crack!" reminds you to pull up your jeans.
Helping your cousin, Billy-Bob, move into his new place consists of the wheels off his doublewide.
Your beer can collection is considered a tourist attraction in your home town.
You know you're a redneck if you wake up with both a black eye and a hickey.
Getting a package from your post office requires a full tank of gas in the truck.
"Buck Naked Line Dancing" isn't a videotape, it's "Ladies Night" at the local bar.
Your wife wants to stop at the gas station to see if they've got the new Darrell Waltrip Budweiser wall clock.
You dated your daddy's current wife in high school.
You're moved to tears everytime you hear Dolly Parton singing "I Will Always Love You."
Dolly Parton reminds you of the 'Grand Tetons'. (of course this is a very sophisticated sophisticated redneck joke... if you laughed... you must be a redneck, only they will get this one.)
You grow Vidalia onions rather than considering them a gourmet item.
Your Momma would rather go the racetrack than the Kennedy Center.
The most serious loss from the earthquake was your Conway Twitty record collection (you insurance man is one too if he pays you for it.)
You actually made a pyramid of cans in the pale moonlight with Alan Jackson.
You have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education.
You've ever hit a deer with your car... on purpose!
You can tell your age by the number of rings in the bathtub.
Your mom gives you tips on how to sneak booze into sporting events.
You've ever parked a Camaro in a tree.
Exxon and Conoco have offered you royalties for your hair.
Your dad is also your favorite uncle.
The blue book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas it has in it.
Your classes at school were cancelled because the path to the restroom was flooded.
On your job application under "SEX" you put "As often as possible."
During your senior year you and your mother had homeroom together.
You're a lite beer drinker because you start drinking as soon as it gets light.
On your first date you had to ask your Dad to borrow the keys to the tractor.
Your parakeet knows the phrase "Open up, Police!"
You saved lots of money on your honeymoon by going deerhunting.
In tough situations you ask yourself, "What would Curly do?"
Taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen.
You think the last words to the Star Spangled Banner are "Gentlemen, start your engines." or "Play Ball..."
Your child's first words are "Attention K-Mart shoppers!"
Your wife's best pair of shoes are steel-toed Red Wings.
You have a color coordinating rope that ties down your car hood.
You bring your dog to work with you.